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I am your husband’s mistress

I am your husband’s mistress

Laurene S.
Ansonia, Connecticut

cheating confessionsI am your husband’s mistress. We do love each other. Not intentionally, but we do. You were once suspicious, and we stopped. For only a short time, and started to see each other again. This has been going on for 4 years. On and off. Mostly on.

You have NO IDEA he’s cheating. You apologized for even suspecting it. He goes home to you every night. Wakes up to you every morning. He spends every holiday with you. He listens to your day. You know (almost) all of his days. He has a routine that doesn’t falter. He is a dedicated father. He adores you. He brings you flowers and asks “will you marry me” when you answer the phone.

No one would think of him as a cheater. I’m the only one who knows the truth, and I am so dedicated to him, and only him, that I would never tell you or anyone for that matter.

I feel guilty for what we are doing, but I don’t want to stop.

I’m happy. He’s happy. You’re happy. You may think you’d want to know about us. The details of our intimate relationship. The times we’ve spent together. The things that we’ve said; but you don’t. You have him, not me.

I am your friend. You’d never suspect me to do this to you. We aren’t close, but have met several times and we know who one another is. We say friendly “hello’s” when we see each other.

We don’t talk about you. He doesn’t think about you when we are together. I don’t think of you when we are together.

He tells me he loves me. He doesn’t say he loves you to me, but I know, without a doubt, he does. Far more than he loves me.

I’m not his first, you are; but that’s okay. I’m okay with being his second. I’d rather be with him this way than not be with him at all. I am your husband’s mistress.


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Sending Mixed Signals

Sending Mixed Signals

sending mixed signalsby Sara
(Charlotte, NC USA)

We have dated before in the past and remained friends for two years. He’s changed so much: almost 360.

As soon as we start to get close this time around (dating) he pulls back. One week, he’s super sweet and kind of open, flirty etc. The next week, I can be around him and he will hardly touch me.

He was in a 13 year relationship that he just got out of 3 yrs ago. So he’s only kind of dated around since. I’m not completely sure, but maybe this is why?

Maybe he doesn’t know how to handle happiness in a serious relationship? Or maybe he’s afraid of his own feelings? How do I get him to meet me all the way? I’m not sure if i want to try this relationship thing with him again if all he is interested in is sending mixed signals. Help!


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Waiting for someone better to come along

Is he waiting for someone better to come along?

waiting for someone betterBy Lori T.
(via Facebook)

I met a man online two years ago and we went out as friends and nothing came out of it. He came back in my life two months ago and we went out as friends again and we had great chemistry and we both felt it so we ended up having sex.

We both agreed we were not looking for a relationship, but he mentioned after we spoke about not having a relationship. He said we wouldn’t work because our lives are in different places and I know that means he doesn’t want a relationship with me. We talked everyday and we still do. He always contacts me first and I did stop talking to him for eight days until he contacted me again.

He knows that I know he talks to other women and I talk to other men but I just feel like he’s keeping me around until someone better comes along for him. He tells me he loves and misses me and that he wants to cuddle, but there are never actions behind his words so I know that they are meaningless. He knows that I know that and I’m just playing along with him.

I always keep my feelings in check with men and I can control them except with him because of our chemistry. I’ve never had chemistry like this before so I do have feelings for him but he doesn’t think I like him in that way. I think that he’s just keeping me around until someone better comes along. We don’t text as often but it’s still everyday. What’s your opinion? Do you think I should just move on and not talk to him? I always keep my options open but I’m having a hard time moving on from him.


Our Dating Advice to You

You have a part in this too!
By: Rendiva

This seems to be the problem with the dating scene nowadays. Everyone is essentially waiting for someone better to come along.

That’s not to say it’s not a good strategy to find the best possible partner, but when you fill your life with “migrant lovers,” you’re not really throwing yourself out there to catch and keep a truly excellent partner. Sure, you might bump into him and you guys might actually have a few successful dates, but your heart is getting tugged back to this other person who has really become comfortable in your life.

You’re both doing the relationship thing by communicating nearly every day and by now, I’m sure you have all of your inside jokes that couples share and favorite places and things to do. However, he’s just not available and neither are you.

How do you really feel about him?

You guys are talking about love and missing each other, but you still keep each other at arm’s length. And by your own admission, he’s always the one to contact you. If he doesn’t text or call, then the communication stops. You know how you are from previous relationships so you’re purposefully holding yourself back.

…but then there are these pesky feelings about him that you don’t know what to do with…

Now for the questions you need to ask yourself:

  • So do you love him or not?
  • He’s obviously datable material, but is he (or could he be) relationship material?
  • Does he have his life together or is he managing it the same way he’s managing this relationship?
  • Do you guys do things other than hang out and have sex or are you most likely a booty call?
  • Could he commit to just one person?
  • Can you commit to just one person?
  • Can you handle a relationship?

If you’re not positive that you want to keep this guy in your life, then making a big deal out of it is just needless drama, but if you want to keep him around, then there are a bunch of things you need to do. Yes YOU!

Right now, he’s doing all the work to keep you two in communication. You need to fix this ASAP! He doesn’t want a relationship with someone who’s “just playing along with him.” If you love him (or really like him), then you have to at least meet him half way. Call him. Do it! Right now! Give him some hope that you might actually be just perfect for him. Unless he’s a total player, he’s probably asking himself the same questions right now. You’re not really showing him any signs to move things forward so he’s just going to stay where he is only partially into your life.

Ask yourself why you always keep your emotions in check with men. Is there some kind of childhood trauma that makes you anxious when you attach to someone or have you simply had your heart broken before? I’m sorry to say this so directly, but if you are simply dealing with a past heartbreak, GET OVER IT! Are you really going to spend your life living it half-way because some asshole taught you a lesson about how crazy the world can be? Are you going to never ever get what you want out of life because some dude put a scar on your heart?

If you decide to love someone, then love the shit of them! Obviously, there’s a chance this guy could break your heart too, but instead of waiting for something crappy to happen. Live your life the way to want to and if it happens, it’s will. You should be excited for all that awesome breakup sex!

Was that too much?

Let’s say that you aren’t carrying around a broken heart and it actually was childhood trauma. Go talk to a counselor. Seriously, get some things off your chest and find a way to move forward with your life.

Your initial fears may be right. He may be just waiting for someone better to come along, but so are you. Step back a bit and examine every angle. You might just discover the man of your dreams is right there in front of you. All you have to do now is make him excited to keep you.


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I Paid Him for Sex

By Anonymous

i paid him for sexHi everyone!

So I found a place where I can tell my story. I’m 33 years old, married with kids. My husband and I have been together for 12 years.

From the very beginning there were problems in the sex department: he wanted a lot more sex than I did. And every time I turned him down, he would get very upset. As the years went by I completely lost all my passion for sex with him, it became some kind of work I had to do to make sure things will be OK at home for a few days.

But a few years ago he developed an erectile dysfunction. It got very bad because we kept having the same amount of sex as before, only without the erection. After a while I confronted my husband about it (very gently, of course) and he said he was not aware of the problem, but if there is one, it is strictly my fault, because I turned him down etc…

So he will not get help for it, i’m the one who needs help. I felt so said and unwanted. But on the other hand I missed having normal sex very much! Not just with an erection, but also sex that comes from passion, not as a price for a peaceful home…

So I found a guy who would do it for money, went to his apartment and there it all happened. For the first time in so long I felt attractive, wanted, welcome! I paid him 100 dollars, but even that didn’t spoil it for me. He said I could call him anytime and we could get together for free. So I did. We’ve been seeing each other every month since then. It makes me feel great and helps a lot with all my misery at home. There is no question at the end of this confession. I know what I’m doing is wrong and I’m doomed to loose everything.

Still, it’s worth it. Thanks for listening, you’re welcome to comment 🙂


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In love with a married man

In love with a married man

by CL (cruel love), 21
(Philippines )

in love with a married manI’m a 21 year-old female living in the Philippines. I work in one of the top advertising companies as a Researcher/Advertising Executive. I wanna share my very complicated love life…

So it goes like this: 2 years ago, I had a longtime boyfriend. We used to argue alot, but it was OK because somehow it’s the “spice” in a relationship as they say. No one could have guessed that we would break up, not even me, because I knew and I felt how serious he was about our relationship.

In June of last year, someone informed me that my boyfriend was flirting with another woman. When I confronted him he just denied it and kept on defending himself and said it’s just a joke.

At the time, I was working in an international telecommunications company providing service for the United states. I used to wake up at 2:30am and worked from 4:00am to 3:00pm. He used to go the office at the regular time. After work, I waited for him for about 2 and 1/2 hours just for us to take a dinner together. I did that for 6-8 months. I know he appreciated those things until one day, somebody told me that he had a girlfriend in his office

I was ready to fight that night and I ask him where I went wrong and to find out what happend. I tried to get in touch with him and lessened the time to meet up with him after work because I wasn’t sure if I could control myself. When we talked, all he did was deny everything.

One day, I decided to wait for him after work without informing him. It still makes me feel chills like I’m a candle melting in front of many people when I saw the man that I used to think was mine having an affair with another woman. I needed to be strong and was ready to fight to keep him. I confronted both of them at work and asked who she was. When my bf said “she is my girlfriend,” I just paused for a while and asked him to choose between me and that girl.

He choose that girl.

I asked him one very last question: if he was happy and he said that he was happy and that he loved her. So all I could do at that point was to let him go. I watched them walking away from me.

I was suffering the pain and heartache for about 3 months until I switched to a new job. I enjoyed keeping myself busy at work. I went out with my office mate’s a lot. They knew that I was single and I was in the process of healing myself from the past.

Then I met this good looking guy. Actually I’ve never really been after good looks or whatever. I’ve always looked for someone who would be true to me. Accidently, I fell in love with him and the way he cared about me and looked at me.

I was so happy in love with him until some of my officemate’s told me that he has family. I asked him and he denied it. I wanted the truth for the sake of peace of mind, One day, I saw the telephone number on the back of his ID and called it without his knowledge. I pretended to be HR personnel conducting a background check as a part of the evaluation of his application. His wife told me that he has been married for about 9 years and has a daughter.

I tried to put a distance between us to control everything but that didn’t work. Our relationship got deeper and deeper, until one of our friends betrayed us and told everything to the wife about our relationship. As of now, we have been together for about 10 months already. It was so sound yet so stupid, but yes, we are together right now and he is separated from his wife.

I’m not proud about what happened and that it’s considered that I won. We’re both happy and we can’t deny that. I know in reality that watever happened, sooner or later he will be back with his own family. He made a mistake and so did I and for all of my life, I’ll know that loving a guy who’s married already is the biggest mistake I ever made.

I don’t want to let these things happen anymore just in case we end up this cruel love relationship that we both have. What the hardest thing for me to do is to accept the fact that in spite of everything that I did for him, to love and care about him, he will surely leave me sooner or later.

I know now that curing my pain and healing is the most important thing. I know that I’ll survive, but it just takes time. I don’t know when, but I’ll try to put all the broken pieces of my heart back together again. We are still together but, like I said, it won’t last.

Things are so complicated. It hurts me more and more. I don’t want to be in love with a married man. Can somebody out there help me out with this cruel love?


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Lying About My Ex

Lying About My Ex

by Hopeless
New York

dating and relationshipsSo… I dated a guy from the age of 14-20 on and off. I was so crazy about him and did whatever I could to make things work while he treated me like crap, lied, and cheated. He finally broke it off completely with me because he couldn’t take my craziness about him and wanted some space away from me.

The next few months were hell for me, and he started dating another girl on top of that. I met a guy after a few months and he added me on his Facebook… then MSN… then started calling me, etc.

I could tell he really liked me and I thought he was an awesome guy too. We started getting closer and closer until we started going out (6 months after I had broken up with my long-term ex). I had initially told him at the very beginning that I’m still not completely over my ex and that it bothers me sometimes. But, at the same time, I didn’t want to give up my chance of starting what could be a great long term relationship with this new guy. He was cool and understanding about it and we hit it off from the start. We had an amazing relationship together, spending every moment of last summer together.

Then things started going downhill.

I bumped into my ex and we started catching up on things… then started talking on the phone for long periods of time. I did not tell my boyfriend any of this because I knew he wouldn’t be OK with it but for some reason I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

I tried justifying the fact that I was talking to my ex on the phone behind my boyfriend’s back by saying that my bf is too overprotective and would never understand. It’s hard for me to cut someone like my ex out of my life considering me and him pretty much grew up together and it’s weird to not be able to talk to him. However, I obviously know what I was doing was wrong and unfair to my bf so I told my ex we should stop talking. So that was that.

Then one day, my boyfriend saw all the calls from the ex on my phone bill and he flipped out, of course. This was in January. Our relationship was completely ruined because of me and how much I lied to him. He forgave me and I promised him I would never do it again.

A few months went by and he drove me crazy because he didn’t trust me with a single thing. Even if I went to my sisters house he thought I was meeting up and lying about my ex. If I didn’t pickup his calls on time or if I took too long to call him back he would interrogate me and it drove me insane. I began to feel like this was going nowhere even after I stopped myself from talking to my ex.

Nothing was getting better between me and my boyfriend. At times when I felt horrible, I began calling my ex. It was always nice to talk to him and catch up on things. Of course, once again, I did not tell my bf and, once again, he found out because of some program he put on my laptop.

When he asked me if I had been talking to him again, I said no. Then he showed me proof that he knows I was talking to him and that’s the end of that. I feel like a complete idiot and don’t know what to do. Well there’s not much I can do. He told me he’s not mad at me but he’s completely heart broken. He handled it well… considering it happened again. So that’s that and we are over (this just happened last night).

My boyfriend is a great guy and I took him for granted. He was there for me through thick and thin and never lied to me. I won’t ever find a guy like him, but for some reason I just can’t stop keeping in touch and lying about my ex. I have no intention of getting back together with my ex even though he wants to. If I could have one wish it would be for my bf to trust me and treat me right even though I know I don’t deserve it and all that would matter to me is us being happy.

If we could be happy and have a healthy relationship where he’s not constantly accusing me and interrogating me, I would be happy with him and give up my ex in a heartbeat. I only go to my ex in times of weakness: when I feel like I can’t bear the relationship with my bf. Now my bf is gone… and I don’t care about my ex. I lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life because I was lying about my ex. I don’t know what to do.

I apologized and told him that I’m sure he’ll find someone a million times better than me and it’s not him who has issues (like I always used to say), it’s me.

I’m so tired of telling people around me about this and they’re tired of hearing about it so I thought I’d try this blog thing out (first time blogging like this..)

Please give me some feedback although I’m pretty sure most of you will tell me I’m an idiot and I lost my only chance.


Our Breakup Advice to You

There’s a bigger problem here…
by: Roberto

I’m not about to call you an idiot and I’m actually kind of happy you’re out of both relationships. Let’s look at your ex. You dated this guy from 14 to 20. You probably knew him since grade school. So you have known him nearly half your life and have been with him almost all your adult life.

The problem is that he’s a lying, cheating jerk, right? That doesn’t make it any less difficult to get over. Your ex is still most of what you know about love. 6 months is not long enough to get to the point where you can look at what happened objectively. So keeping in touch a way for you to figure out what went wrong. You feel compelled to do this because you two used to be so close and your first love (possibly your first lover) will always be someone you’ll never forget.

Then we get to the current ex-boyfriend…

You dated within 6 months of getting out of the last one. Not always a recipe for success, but still worth a try.

You say that he was the greatest thing that ever happened, but I strongly disagree. Why? Because he was so jealous and untrusting that he put software on your laptop to monitor you! That is not normal behavior! That is not something you do to someone you love!

Sure, you were talking to your ex behind his back. You lied about your ex. You even lied about your ex again when confronted, but that doesn’t excuse that he had to snoop to see your phone records. He “interrogated” you on numerous occasions about everything you did and did some serious (if not illegal) snooping to catch you again.

This really isn’t something he had to do because you were lying about your ex, this is something he was DRIVEN to do because he is a jealous idiot. Jealous guys are not great boyfriends. As you have seen, it drives you insane.

It’s easy to think that you’ve destroyed something precious here because you are still a little lost over your ex, but when dealing with jealousy, things can (and will) only get worse. Imagine yourself five years from now with your boyfriend. He still won’t trust you. He might set up some kind of tracking device on your car to know where you’re going… By then, you would be way over your ex, but jealous guys only know that you are not to be trusted.

What to do now

First off, you might consider looking into Panic Away to explore your feelings and help you get over your ex. But you really need to look into why you end up with guys who mistreat you and don?t trust you. Stop accepting less than you deserve and thinking you deserve less.


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Cat and Mouse

by Madison
(Next to a big black horse and a cherry tree)

cat and mouseA little about Joe: Joe is very smart, but he has very intense emotions, his ability to feel hate, sadness, and happiness is like ten times stronger than a normal person. He can read people like no other; he can tell what you’re thinking like some kind of psychic or something, its almost scary.

He can also be very manipulative and convincing. He does not get along with his family and was kicked out when he is 16. He’s just naturally good at selling stolen items and talking to cops and shit like that. He really is alone in the world, he has no one who truly cares about him, except Kelsie and I maybe.

1. Joe and I became friends on the bus when I was in 8th grade and he was in 9th, he was dating my friend Kelsie who also rode our bus, he was busy with her most the time but when she didn’t ride or got off, Joe would come sit by me and we would talk and we were always on the edge of flirting.

2. Joe and Kelsie were having sex and Joe snuck over to Kelsie one day, they got caught and their parents forbid them to see each other.

3. Kelsie moved away, it’s now the summer and I run into Joe at the fair, we agree to sneak out together that night and talk. Joe kisses me that night and I start seeing him in a different way.

4. We hang out like this 3 more times, each time he presses to have sex more and more, I always shoot him down.

5. It’s the 5th night we hang out, we are making out and I let him finger me and all of a sudden, he just goes for it, I told him to stop I don’t wanna have sex, but he doesn’t. 2 minutes later when he is done I just get up and go home. I deny the fact that I was raped, it was just sex and Joe and I should be a couple because of what happened.

6. Joe doesn’t call me or anything the next day, it’s a month later and all of a sudden he is trying to hook up with my bff, he tells me he just doesn’t like me like he thought.

7. School starts and he tells EVERYONE we had sex, I “hate” his guts till Christmas rolls around and he apologizes and talks me into hangin out with him again.

8. He brought me something to drink that night….I woke up in the hospital, I don’t remember what happened.

9. Joe and I don’t talk much after that, I asked if we had sex he said no, but then I heard a few people say he said otherwise.

10. Joe and I reconncect in the summer, he says he has been thinking about me a lot lately and we eventually actually end up dating.

11. We hangout and just like old times he presses for sex, but I know how to handle him and myself so im not in another rape position.

12. He finally tells me if we don’t have sex that I shouldn’t be surprised if something happens??? So I break up with him.

13. Kelsie moves back and Joe gets back together with her. The parents don’t like this so they run away together.

14. A year later Joe is back, him and Kelsie are once again over and now they legally are not allowed to see each other.

15. I have a boyfriend now, but Joe has decided to talk to me again, he tells me how good I look and we have some deep conversations about life n stuff, the next day he sees me kiss my boyfriend and he looked… hurt.

16. Eventually I cheat on my boyfriend with Joe and of course break up with my boyfriend to go to prom with Joe since he asked.

17. A week later I hear Joe was foolin around with some chick so I fool around on him, he doesn’t like this and ditches me for prom.

18. 6 months later I run into him at a party and tell him how much of a fuck up loser he is and to just stay out of my life. He talks me out of my anger and he agrees to just be a friend, I told him that’s what I wanted and he said that he will agree to that, I deserve it. He also apologized for everything.

19. Joe doesn’t keep his word he starts sweet talking me again and eventually we hook up, he tells me he isn’t going to leave me this time and that we can make it work… this lasts about 2 weeks then Joe is all of a sudden MIA, I don’t hear from him for awhile, next I find out that he was dating Kelsie while with me and Kelsie and I get into an argument about it, next I find out, Joe is in jail…

20. And this is where we are now. I know Joe is no good for me, but damn I love him. I believe a small part of him cares about me but I just make it to easy for him to take advantage of me. And not to mention, he loves Kelsie… I’m second best.

Anyway, Kelsie told him she knew about us and ended it, now all of a sudden a good friend of Joe’s who visits him in jail is telling me Joe wants me to write him. Should I? I am very curious as to what he has to say to me, and what do I even say to him?

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Did you really pee on my bathroom floor?

Did you really pee on my bathroom floor?

by Gina
(San Francisco)

pee-on-my-bathroom-floorI met this guy online, he had a fabulous profile: witty, different, direct, mysterious, cute, very good looking. We didn’t do much email chatting, he just asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink and I agreed.

So we met at a train station one evening in his neighborhood. We walked a couple of blocks to a bar and had a couple of beers. This part of the date went awesome, great conversation, lots of laughs, no awkward silences..

I really thought I got lucky with this one.

We started talking about movies, he said his favorite was Clockwork Orange, I had never seen it (little did I know, this was a big red flag). He asked me if I wanted to watch it that evening, I figured it was only about 9pm at this time and well, why not? Great guy, beautiful evening.

So we started to walk back to his place, we were both buzzed from the beers. He says, “Actually, is it okay if we go to your place to watch the movie? My place is a huge mess and I don’t want you to see it right now.” Weird, but okay. Not a big fan of a guy knowing where I live on the first date, but he was pretty awesome.

So we go to his building, he takes me to the roof top deck and leaves me there (RED FLAG: wife? girlfriend?), he goes back into the building and gets the movie and a bottle of wine and comes back to retrieve me. We jump in his car and head for my place.

The guy that I met a couple of hours earlier completely vacated the situation at that point. Enter a man I want nothing to do with.

We get comfy on the couch and start watching the movie. Keep in mind, this is the first skin to skin interaction we have had to date. He puts his hand down my shirt within the first 5 mins of sitting there. He proceeds to drink almost the complete bottle of wine, besides the 2 glasses he spilt in my living room (plus a broken wine glass) of which he offered to clean nothing up.

Oh! I loved it when he said “go get me another glass of wine babe” when I was still merely 1/3 into my own, intact, glass. Or, my favorite “jump up and press rewind, babe”. Didn’t your mom teach you how to say please?? Damn, I felt like a deprived 50’s housewife.

We proceeded to make out some, and he got more and more aggressive, to the point of hurting my and my poor nipples. He tried to take off my clothes probably a dozen times. After I said no, each time, he would give a big SIGH and pout. After explaining that I have roommates and that there will be no nakedness in my living room, he suggested that we move to the bedroom. After another NO, I got another sigh and pout. He asked me on 3 occasions if I had any more beer or wine (because he drank/spilt all that he brought), after I said no, he gave another sigh and pout.

So, the topper of this whole night. He used my restroom, which was a couple of doors down the hallway. Sitting in the living room with the TV on, could hear him peeing, to my realization he didn’t shut the door (WEIRD?!), this was after I told him I had roommates at home at least 3 times. I used the bathroom a bit later, to my astonishment he had peed on my bathroom floor. Not just splatter here and there, there was a wet splatter circle 2 feet around my toilet, disgusting! There was pee on my bathroom floor!!!

Midnight came around, and I gave my best efforts to kick him out politely by mentioning on multiple occasions how early I have to get up, etc etc etc. He kept putting it up saying ‘Just a few minutes longer.’ I finally got fed up, gave him his movie, coat and shoes and said “Okay, now I am am asking you to leave. good bye.” I walked over to the door and stood there until he gathered himself and left. I had bad dreams all night that he was showing back up, Egh!!

Online Dating Lessons learned:

  1. Never drink too much to impair judgement on the first date, the point of a first date is to be conscious in the moment. It is hard to do that with too many beers going on.
  2. Never, NEVER! Let a guy know where I live on the first date, no matter how innocent the situation or how great the guy.
  3. There is a certain point in which his feelings just don’t matter and I should have cut my losses and kicked his ass out the minute he put his hand down my shirt the first time.

He texted me the next day and apologized, saying that he was not himself and hoped that we could talk. I responded by telling him that I preferred that we did not talk and wished him luck in his search.


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He’s Dreaming of Me?

He’s Dreaming of Me?

by Daphnia

dreaming of meI have a question that might seem a little childish, but dating isn’t part of my culture so I’m not used to it =)

What does a guy mean by calling me princess and saying that he dreamt about me last night? Then he suggested to go and have some ice cream since it’s getting warm here. it may be nothing, the princess thing could just be him teasing me, because I said that my bed is too hard but it’s totally ok for him, he said I’m just used to soft beds. and the ice thing, we agreed on having ice cream since last summer, but never got to it. in Germany, if it’s summer, eating ice cream is just like going to a cafe and talk. totally normal.

But what’s with the dream thing? I don’t really know the guy, we used to work at the same place and lived in the same building but after I quit the job I saw him only twice a year or so. about a month ago, I met him at the door and we talked, I mentioned that I was about to move out of the building. when he asked why I wanted to move out, I said it’s cheaper and closer to the university where I’m studying. and the building has just been sanitized, so it’s clean and looks new. then I said he could come by and see it after I move in, and he did. he liked the place and is now considering to move out as well.

When he came to my place, we wanted to go out for coffee but the weather was terrible so we just stayed in and had home-made coffee. He found me full of surprises when he found out I play guitar and violin, and that I drink alcohol (apparently he must’ve thought I’m a very conservative girl or something, idk) anyway it was a friendly visit, ad we still agreed to go for ice cream when summer hits.

And then came the message. But I’m a little baffled especially with the dream thing, since we’re not close at all, we don’t spend that much time together and from my own experience, I dream about someone if I think about that person a lot.

idk how I should react to this, since I’m not used to dating and since the time I’ve moved to germany the guys I’ve met always gave obvious signals. like I said, it could be nothing, but I just want to be sure. because I’m not attracted to him at all, and if it is something, I don’t want to make him think I’m into him. so any thoughts? (sorry again if it seems childish and too teen-like ;P)


Our Dating Advice to You

Looking for a way in
by: Roberto

So you don’t like this guy?

He really likes you…

When someone says they are dreaming about you (whether it’s a story or not), they are trying to let you know that they are thinking about you. By blaming it on “dreams,” he’s letting you know he can’t control himself when thinking about you.

If you actually liked this guy, then SCORE! All you would have to do is encourage him to ask you out.

Unfortunately, you don’t like him so it’s time to get him to not think about you “that way.” The easiest is to mention your boyfriend (even if you don’t have one). If he’s a gentleman, he’ll back off. If he’s a pig, he’ll disappear. If he’s really in love with you, he’ll still “dream” about you.

Good luck!


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Go Back to My Ex or Stay with My Baby’s Father?

Go Back to My Ex or Stay with My Baby’s Father?

by Summer P., 25
(Los Angeles, CA)

should I stay with my baby's fatherI’m 25 yrs old and live with my boyfriend and our 19 month old daughter. I was somewhat on the rebound when I hooked up with him about almost 4 years ago.

I’ve known my ex since I was 5 and grew up being best friends. At age 15 we hooked up and were together for about 7 years. We loved and still love each other very much. About 4 years ago he moved out of state due to financial reasons. We had agreed he would go for sometime but that he would return in within tops 6 months. But that did not happen. He began trying to convince me of moving and to give that place a shot but I refused every time because my job was going well at the time, and I had my family here.

We tried the long distance relationship for a while and it was going well. But sad to say I met someone about 6 months after he was gone and well we began to hit it off. I was very hurt and resentful for my ex leaving me. I felt so alone. So I let my self get wrapped up with my current boyfriend.

I never stopped loving my ex nor did I ever loose hope of him coming back. But unfortunately much time kept passing by and the next thing I know it had been 2 yrs already and I find myself pregnant. I felt I had lost my ex for good because I was going to have a baby and well I felt the right thing do was to stay with my current boyfriend since we were going to have a baby and well I didnt want to stay alone since I thought my ex wasnt going to want me. (I must make it clear that during that time I was technically still with both of them until I found out about my baby)

About 3 months of being pregnant, my ex had shown up to L.A to see me but I stood him up because I was scared. So when he was back home I finally spoke to him on the phone and well he was really upset at me and one thing led to another and he broke it off. I never told him I was pregnant or that I was seeing someone else.

About a month after I had my baby I realized I couldnt continue with this secret anymore and I couldn’t keep hiding it from him so I told him the truth. He was devastated because the whole 6 months he kept trying to get me back and didnt understand why I wouldnt forgive him and take him back. I hurt him with this news very much to the point that I made him cry. Two days later of revealing my secret he contacts me and we have a long talk. He tells me that hes been going crazy thinking about everything over and over again. He told me that there has been many opportunities for him to hook up with other girls there who some happened to be single moms. But then stated that if he can be with someone and love someone elses kid why cant he forgive me, the woman he truly loves and accept and love my child.

Point is he wanted me back regardless, and wants to be part of daughters life as well. We have been talking about this for a year now and really want to be with each other. But I dont see how I can leave my current boyfriend. At first things with him were good. But lately since we have moved in together we just fight too much. He is a freelancer and works from home. But he hardly helps me with our baby. When he gets mad he becomes really disrespectful at me verbally. He doesn’t bring much to the plate sometimes but we do get by I guess. I just feel sometimes fed up with him and tied down of my true happiness. He doesn’t at all make me feel the way my ex did. He is not very loving or caring towards me but yet he says he loves me. He does buy me anything I want when he has the money but I dont know if he thinks thats the only thing I need or want to be happy.

I’m really confused. I do care for him and I do love him but I dont think I will ever love him the way I love my ex. But I dont want to make a wrong decision either. A lot of people tell that I should forget about my ex and stay with my boyfriend because we are a family now. But is that right for me? Please help me.


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Well, how do you define “single?”

Well, how do you define “single?”

by Bella
(Los Angeles, Ca.)

dating and relationshipsMet a great guy on a dating website; tall, witty, smart, fun and a hell of a kisser. The relationship status portion of his online profile indicated that he was single. Prior to our first date, he disclosed to me that he lived with a roommate. Upon questioning, he further revealed that his roommate was, in fact, his ex-girlfriend. He assured me that their relationship was entirely over and he was moving out of their shared apartment in the next few days. Trusting his assurances, I forgot all about it.

On our first date, we had a great time; we kissed and messed around a bit–something I hoped would continue on our second date. Unfortunately, this was not to be.

When we returned to his apartment at the end of our second night together, he asked me “What’s the plan?” Before I could say anything, he told me that I was not welcome upstairs in his apartment (this is the most likely reason that he never gave me his apartment number—a red flag I missed). He explained that I couldn’t come up because he didn’t want to disrespect his ex-girlfriend or their living arrangement. Shocked (as he’d indicated that she dated other men and that that she and he no longer shared romantic feelings for each other) and disappointed (to learn that my feelings fell second to those of another girl), I started to leave. But he made me feel like I was being irrational for leaving, so I stayed a bit longer. I should have gone with my gut and left.

Further talking revealed that in addition to living together, he and his ex also sleep together in the same bed. His rationale for this is that he must get a good night’s sleep, and the couch is too uncomfortable for him to sleep on. Wow. In what world is it acceptable to tout yourself as single, date someone, mess around, and then return home to someone else and hop into bed with them? To top it all off, this guy actually got mad at me for being upset with him! I finally left, feeling manipulated, duped, and used.

I know I am not totally insane for being put off by his behavior (as women I have spoken to about this also find it sneaky and gross), but, what do you think? Is this behavior typical of most men? Can men honestly define “single” this broadly? Do you think this happens a lot? Or, was this just a freak occurrence? Why do men consider honesty and full disclosure as optional? How can I avoid this situation in the future without resorting to interrogating each man I date about the details of his living arrangement?

The saddest part of this whole story is that I still find myself, at times, wishing this guy would contact me. Besides his deceptiveness, blatant disregard for the truth, and lacking interest in my feelings, I really did enjoy his company. All I can do now is remind myself of the following principle: must not chase after a man who shares his bed with another woman.

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He told me to move on

by Kay Witherspoon
(Lost in Florida)

dating and relationshipsGordon and I met on a vacation to Hawaii. We were both sitting at a bar right next to the beach when the waiter walking by with a tray full of glasses tripped and soaked us both with pina coladas and mai tais.

We laughed for about 20 minutes and agreed to meet right back there in an hour after freshening up. He was gorgeous and smart with a perfect smile and big, warm hands. We had both ended up there at the incessant urging of our friends to “go have some fun” after divorce. I never thought I could get back into the dating scene after what Steven did to me (but that’s a story for a different section). Continue reading

Ten Years Wasted

Ten Years Wasted

by Lara

So I met my man when I was 17. I had just dropped out of school, and began to experiment with drugs.

dating and relationshipsWe fell in love, he proposed to me, we moved in together. Blah blah blah. After one night of partying, I had a seizure and he took me to the hospital, I got referred to a neurologist and got diagnosed with epilepsy. So I was put on this relatively new medication with very few specialized studies.

For me, it has sexual side-effects. Dryness and very low libido. He took this as a personal hit (“You make me feel like sex is a chore for you,” “I’m always getting rejected”). Sex isn’t a chore. He doesn’t understand that sometimes when it’s so dry, it doesn’t feel nice, so why would I want to do it? But when I do give in during these situations, I can’t feel the pleasure, I make faces expressing my discomfort, which makes him think I don’t want to have sex with him.

I would sometimes jokingly tell him to get a f**k buddy (in reflection, I now realize that was a really dumb thing for me to say…I just never thought he’d think I was serious).

I lost my virginity to him. I am devoted to him. Although we’ve had problems in the past (including him accusing me of cheating, which I’ve never done), I still want to spend forever with him.

A year and a half ago, he suddenly told me, “I think we should try not being together for awhile. I’m very unhappy and I’m tired of you rejecting me.” The problem with this is that we’re living together at my parents’ house. I am dually grateful and embarrassed to say “rent-free.”

We also have a five-year old son. There are things that I’ve been hassling him about over these years – playing video games excessively being at the top of the list. He works as a truck driver for a moving company, so he works very hard, and at the end of the day, all he wants to do to relax is play video games. I tell him (as calmly and nicely as I can) that there are men who work as hard as he does and find it a relief to come home and play with their kids.

We aren’t doing a good job. Our son has behavioral problems because we aren’t attentive enough.

So the day after he “broke up” with me, I found a condom in the car. I asked him about it, “Were you planning on using it?” “I don’t know,” he said. So I was totally convinced he wouldn’t have sex with someone else.

I tried to make myself more available to him sexually. One night, he said he’d get back together with me, no questions asked, if we could have anal sex. I really didn’t want to, but I gave in because I love him and I wanted to have him back.

I thought things were getting better, then the unthinkable happened. He was asleep on his couch, I was watching TV on mine (yeah, we haven’t slept in the same bed since our son was one, because we’d have to bring him in with us and he’d kick my man and make him uncomfortable), his phone made a noise. I looked and it was a picture message of a girl naked on a bed, and the caption said, “Thinking of you.” I recognized the girl as one of his friend’s friends who gave him a backstage ticket to a concert. She met me and my son once.

I woke him up and asked him if it was her. He said he didn’t know why she’d send that msg. I asked if he slept with her. He said, “Does it matter? We were broken up.”

“Yes, it matters. You still lived here.”
After saying “it doesn’t matter” a few more times, he told me he did, and that it was just once and it just happened. They were bombed, etc. I was heartbroken.

A month later, I looked at his phone while he was sleeping and saw some texts from her and decided to write back as him. “Listen, we’re back together now, I love Lara and I want to be with my family.”

She called back. I said “Hello? What do you want?” “I wanted to see if (my mans name here) sent that. Did he?” “No, he didn’t. I did. What do you think you’re doing?”

She said something, started to cry and hung up. Then she sent me a pic of them hugging each other looking very happy. I called back and we talked for a while. She told me they’d been dating for 4 months (about the time period we were “broken up”), he wanted to move in with her but she thought it was weird since they’d only known each other for a few months at the time, he told her he loved her…blah blah. She was crying the whole time.

“I never would’ve come between you if I knew you got back together.” Yeah, right. She told me things that she couldn’t have made up. “Where do you think he goes every weekend?” (I didn’t tell her I thought about that) “He told me you had a seizure one night while holding (my son’s name here) and you begged him to get back together.” (I didn’t tell her I have epilepsy) She mentioned something about my bad memory (another side-effect of my drug)…something only my man could’ve mentioned to her. So I told her the condition under which we got back together. She said, “Oh my god, what a scumbag. I can’t believe he did that to you.” So then she said she wanted nothing to do with him anymore, I don’t have to worry about it, she won’t call anymore, etc.

Needless to say, I’d been lied to by two people. I believed her. That’s one of the most painful parts. I believed that he told her he loved her. I believed he wanted to leave me to be with her.

They kept talking. I looked at the phone bill every month. There were many calls and texts. It left me to wonder what the hell they still had to say to one another. I thought things were better.

“She listened to me and made me feel like someone cares about me, Lara,” he said

God, telling this story is tiring. I told a couple of my friends, they told me i should be done with him. But he’s a huge chunk of my life and I don’t think I could be without him. One of the times we fought about it, he left and called her. He came back claiming SHE told him that I am the best thing that ever happened to him, and that she found a new man. Try to work things out, she supposedly said.

But there were still calls. It got pointless asking him about it, because he’d just get angry and tell me, “Are you ever going to let me live this down?”

I am so heartbroken. I feel numb. It’s very hard for me to trust him. She won’t leave him alone. She has a man, why can’t she leave mine alone? I know he’s not going out of his way to talk to her anymore, but when she does text him, he doesn’t ignore her. And that’s one thing that would show me that he cares about my feelings.

One of the funny things about this whole situation is that, while we were “broken up” he told me a friend found me on a dating site. But I didn’t create a profile on one. Why would he have gotten so mad at me if he was “cheating” on me? I put quotation marks because I still consider it cheating since he continued to live with me and we’d still have sex.

All I want to do is confront her, but any time I’d suggested that, he told me it would cause more drama. I have the right to some closure. I want to know how her man would feel if he knew she were talking to the last guy she was in love with. She told me that night on the phone that she isn’t a confrontational person. Her actions prove otherwise.

I’m stuck at this point in time.
I guess I should’ve listened to my father.


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Everything For Him

Everything For Him

by Anonymous

everything for himI have just broken up with my boyfriend 2 days ago. We have been dating for 2 years, and we were both truly in love and saw a future together. He has stuck by me through the roughest patches when some of my close friends turned against me.

Everything was my fault. I said things I shouldn’t have said and did things I shouldn’t have done. When I recently realized that even the friends I have left, slowly began to disintegrate themselves from our lives, because of me. They began forming their own opinions about me and confirming the opinions my other previous friends had. Continue reading

To Spy or Not to Spy

To Spy or Not to Spy

dating and relationshipsby Marilyn C.
(Laurel, MD)

We had been going out for 11 fun filled months. Oddly enough I was the only one who was sharing much of my life with him. Supposedly he had a male roommate who was a family friend and reported his every action back to his overbearing mother.

I know.

That sentence alone should have made me run. But he was perfect for me. Loved movies, video games and of course hot sex. Isn’t that the part that always scrambles our common sense? We took trips together and eventually the roommate moved out so

I was permitted to visit his place finally. But by then things were a bit off with us. He wasn’t as adoring and I began to suspect his new found freedom in his living arrangement was causing him to long for more freedom in his relationship as well. I knew he was an online kind of guy and a few Freudian slips let me think he was up to no good in his free time.

So I asked a friend to change her profile to his town and whamo he was on her in a day. Suspicions confirmed. He is a rat!


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