Go Back to My Ex or Stay with My Baby’s Father?
by Summer P., 25
(Los Angeles, CA)
I’m 25 yrs old and live with my boyfriend and our 19 month old daughter. I was somewhat on the rebound when I hooked up with him about almost 4 years ago.
I’ve known my ex since I was 5 and grew up being best friends. At age 15 we hooked up and were together for about 7 years. We loved and still love each other very much. About 4 years ago he moved out of state due to financial reasons. We had agreed he would go for sometime but that he would return in within tops 6 months. But that did not happen. He began trying to convince me of moving and to give that place a shot but I refused every time because my job was going well at the time, and I had my family here.
We tried the long distance relationship for a while and it was going well. But sad to say I met someone about 6 months after he was gone and well we began to hit it off. I was very hurt and resentful for my ex leaving me. I felt so alone. So I let my self get wrapped up with my current boyfriend.
I never stopped loving my ex nor did I ever loose hope of him coming back. But unfortunately much time kept passing by and the next thing I know it had been 2 yrs already and I find myself pregnant. I felt I had lost my ex for good because I was going to have a baby and well I felt the right thing do was to stay with my current boyfriend since we were going to have a baby and well I didnt want to stay alone since I thought my ex wasnt going to want me. (I must make it clear that during that time I was technically still with both of them until I found out about my baby)
About 3 months of being pregnant, my ex had shown up to L.A to see me but I stood him up because I was scared. So when he was back home I finally spoke to him on the phone and well he was really upset at me and one thing led to another and he broke it off. I never told him I was pregnant or that I was seeing someone else.
About a month after I had my baby I realized I couldnt continue with this secret anymore and I couldn’t keep hiding it from him so I told him the truth. He was devastated because the whole 6 months he kept trying to get me back and didnt understand why I wouldnt forgive him and take him back. I hurt him with this news very much to the point that I made him cry. Two days later of revealing my secret he contacts me and we have a long talk. He tells me that hes been going crazy thinking about everything over and over again. He told me that there has been many opportunities for him to hook up with other girls there who some happened to be single moms. But then stated that if he can be with someone and love someone elses kid why cant he forgive me, the woman he truly loves and accept and love my child.
Point is he wanted me back regardless, and wants to be part of daughters life as well. We have been talking about this for a year now and really want to be with each other. But I dont see how I can leave my current boyfriend. At first things with him were good. But lately since we have moved in together we just fight too much. He is a freelancer and works from home. But he hardly helps me with our baby. When he gets mad he becomes really disrespectful at me verbally. He doesn’t bring much to the plate sometimes but we do get by I guess. I just feel sometimes fed up with him and tied down of my true happiness. He doesn’t at all make me feel the way my ex did. He is not very loving or caring towards me but yet he says he loves me. He does buy me anything I want when he has the money but I dont know if he thinks thats the only thing I need or want to be happy.
I’m really confused. I do care for him and I do love him but I dont think I will ever love him the way I love my ex. But I dont want to make a wrong decision either. A lot of people tell that I should forget about my ex and stay with my boyfriend because we are a family now. But is that right for me? Please help me.