Im too old to date. What do I do now?
Question submitted by Heidi O, 57, Atlanta Georgia
I feel like I’m too old to date. After 34 years of marriage, things just couldn’t go on. I prayed for years for the kids to hurry up and grow up and get out of the house so my husband and I could have the sexy lifestyle some of my now-divorced, younger coworkers were having.
My time finally came and he was too busy fishing and puttering to make me feel like a woman again. I felt like such a jerk when I asked for the divorce a couple years ago. There wasn’t anything really wrong. It was just boring the life out of me.
I expected so much more out of my life as a little girl and it was time to get something I wanted instead of catering to the needs of a scatterbrained husband, three great children and eight active little grandchildren.
The separation and divorce took it all out of me. My husband who had always been a decent (if not absent) man turned vicious and resentful. He’d say, “You’re too old to date! What are you gonna do? Be a whore in Las Vegas? No one will want your wrinkled old body” with the eyes of a madman. He actually made it quite easy to leave him.
It was my children also telling me I was too old to date that really took it out of me. I figured my daughter (who also got divorced from a very boring man) would understand how I felt, but when she asked, “Mom, what are you doing? Dad loves you and it will be so hard to find someone to love at your age. Its too late to start over.” I started to wonder if I had made a mistake.
Of everything that I expected to happen, only one came true: now I’m divorced. I’ve been single for about a year now and I’m starting to believe everyone was right. I can’t seem to find any good guys. All the weight I lost is creeping back. My kids are still hurt that I did this and don’t bring the grandkids around anymore.
Am I really too old to date? How can I find a man my age with the same interests as me? Are there any older men interested in this old hag?
Age means nothing
If what you say is true, then you must be the only single fifty something person in the world and every other old guy is either still married or sitting behind a massive model train set happy as a clam.
Wrong! The reality is that millions of guys are finding themselves in the exact same situation as you and they are also looking to start over. You’re never too old for dating or for finding the passionate love you’ve always been looking for. Why? Because there are tons of people at every age looking for the exact same thing as you right now.
What we need here is an attitude adjustment. Anyone telling you that you’re too old to date is telling you that for completely selfish reasons. Your ex-husband wants to keep his maid, chef, chauffeur, and sex outlet. He’s terrified that hes become undesirable and probably feels he’s way too old to date too. Your children want to keep their security blanket and that good old reliable mom will always be there. Your friends are freaking out because your faltering marriage shines a light on how shaky theirs have become.
You rock, Grandma!
The reality is that you are pretty fierce! You could have lived out the rest of your days in quiet desperation, hating yourself for not making a move. You were staring at a lifetime of tedious repetition and television and you said ”Hell no!” It takes a lot to get away from a situation that wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t feeding your soul either.
There are a couple places you need to start. First of all, there is a great book written for people new to the dating scene again: Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted goes through all of the thoughts you are having about being too old to date or too fat to date and that no one wants to date a grandmother and smashes them! You will get all the real information and encouragement for you to get out there and find a new love (and lover!).
Next, you need to reclaim your sexy!
Sexy is nothing but a state of mind. You see examples of this all the time. Most people have that one girlfriend who isn’t that good looking, but has guys of all ages flocking around her. What is her secret? She knows that she’s desirable. She knows that she is sexy and men loooove confidence. We all do!
So your next mandatory reading is How to be Irresistible to Men. You need to find that hot young girl you were before you got married and had her bored out of you. Give her a hug. Tell her you love her and be that woman once again. Being irresistible to men is more than just your looks. Sure, looks get you in the door, but its the woman you are inside that captivates any man. Youre not too old to date because you have the goods right now that a great guy is seeking.
So where are all the interesting guys at?
They’re not inside your house (not yet anyway)! You have to get out to find them. Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, lets talk about online dating. Finding love on the internet no longer has the stigma that it used to. Completely normal people are finding their matches every single day and they’re not getting hacked to bits by maniacs or any other urban legend that you’ve heard about Internet dating.
What’s even better is that there are more and more websites dedicated to people in your age range (and any age range for that matter) and interests so all the screening is pretty much done for you. So lets jump right in!
A great site is Senior Love Links. Its dedicated to singles over 50 so you dont have to feel weird about being the old gal among all the 20 year-olds. And since we dont feel you’re too old for dating at all, we also recommend Senior Match. Show your daughter that its never too late to start over by finding a boyfriend who’s a decade younger than you! The skys the limit, girl!
But you dont need to stop there. There are hundreds of Internet dating sites. Pick out a few and put up a free profile. You’ll never know until you try.
Now lets work on your first impressions
You said that you lost a lot of weight and its creeping back on. Get back on track! The single biggest problem people mention about senior dating is the health of potential mates. So being fit and looking healthy will really make you stand out among all the other women in your position.
We have found that most men dating in their fifties are usually starting over again too and more serious about finding a vivacious mate and keeping her than ever before. Showing that you’re health conscious and care about your body will help you keep that sexy new guy around.
Take care of your skin with your very own homemade skincare products. Get glowing luminous skin year-round. And did anyone say stop smoking? Get a new hairstyle and some sensual new clothes! Its time to reinvent that wife of a putterer and grandmother of eight into a daring and exciting and gorgeous potential lover. You can do it. The first step is respecting yourself.
Interested = Interesting
Now its time to get out and do all those things you always wanted to do. Where do you find quality men? They’re out doing all those things that you find interesting. Join some groups. Take a few classes. Talk to everyone you meet and try to make real connections in every conversation. Every friend has friends of their own …
The more you do, the more exposure you have to potential mates. Get passionate about an activity and you already have something to talk about with other enthusiasts. If you’re really feeling too old to date, create a new lifestyle and you’ll never think that way again.
And yes, you must show a guy you are interested in him. Humans love when things are easy. We tend to go for the mate that shows us the most attention. It sounds like your previous marriage was OK, but affectionless. Its time to get back into the mindset that youre not too old for dating and you want to love like a teenager.
You’ve got to give to get. That is a scary idea when you think about it. You have to open up your heart and be vulnerable to find yourself some love. You might get crushed! Look at it this way: would you rather get trampled by love a few times in your quest to find great love or still wake up every day with the same guy who called you a Vegas whore?
Be open to letting go and you will be much more likely to get the relationship that you always deserved rather than the safest one.
Too old to date?
When you approach this as a chore that you want to get over with as soon as possible, you will never find what you are looking for. Have fun! Play! Learn about yourself and discover how different men can romance you. You’re starting from scratch so develop a curiosity about everything.
Men love a woman who is ready to go. She is excited about new experiences and brings him out of his shell. The fact is that no one is too old to date. We all have a built in desire for love and that never changes no matter how old we get. And if you really need some empowerment, check out one of our favorites sites on this subject, Hot Cougar Women! It’s a place for women to celebrate their age (and teaches you how to get closer to some hot younger men who are dying to meet you.