He dumped me! I need advice on healing after a breakup.
It feels like the end of the world, but you need to start healing after a breakup. In the days and weeks that follow, youll find yourself constantly coming back to this pain, but over time, the pain of a breakup fades away. One day, you get to the point where you can learn from this experience and make yourself a better person because you were forced to move on.
I lost the love of my life! Right now, none of this matters. Let’s get you back on track to healing after a breakup and give you a little perspective.
I want him back
Most people go straight into damage control mode and start frantically trying to figure out how to get him back. This is normal, but its too soon and also the wrong direction. Without knowing 100% of why he left, there is not much you can do. Flying blindly into the cloudiness of his emotions usually does much more harm than good. And even though he’s the “dumper,” it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have some healing after a breakup to do.
Unfortunately, when a guy dumps you, the reasons he gives for leaving are often much more than the one or two reasons he gives you. Its usually a collection of things: some are directly your fault but most are in his head and you have little power over those.
The reason I say fault is because most of the time, you are just being you. For whatever reason, he might just hate the way you sneeze. Is there really anything you can do about that? Without getting the whole picture, you have very little chance of getting him back right away. Lets put this thought aside (for now) and focus on healing after a breakup.
No matter what direction you choose whether you want him back in your life or you’re ready to move on, it’s time to heal. It’s time to take control of your life today. Our favorite method is Panic Away. It helps you get rid of all those unwanted (and sometimes pretty helpless) thoughts that are rampaging in your mind right now. No matter what you want for your future, you can move on quicker when you can settle your emotions (plus it’s such a sweeter victory when he sees how well you’re dealing with your breakup!).
Time heals all wounds
Dont you just hate it when people tell you this? It feels like the weight of the world is standing on your heart and someone reminds you that its going to feel this way for awhile. Youre standing at the proverbial cliff face feeling scared about changing your life, losing some good friends (his friends), and starting over. Whats a girl to do to start healing after a breakup?
Lets start by considering your ex for a moment. Of course you love him and all that, but where is he at? If hes one of those guys that just doesnt talk about his feelings, knowing how he feels about all of this might be impossible so lets think of this another way.
To be a bit morbid for a moment, lets say that he gets in a car accident tonight. You rush to the hospital and find him in intensive care. The doctor wont let you see him because he is in such bad shape, they dont expect him to live much longer.
If there was a surgery the doctors could perform that would save his life, but leaving him 99% paralyzed and unable to communicate, plus hed be in constant horrible pain, would you authorize the surgery?
Now instead of picturing him living out the rest of his days in misery, think of this wrecked creature as your relationship.
Do you really want to keep him around if hes not 100% in love with you? Would you rather be selfish and feverishly hold on to something that can no longer make him happy? Do you love him enough to let him go?
There’s a great book about this very subject called Life After What’s His Name that will give you tons of great perspective on what went wrong and how to move forward in a time when everything feels like the end of the world.
Let that thought sink in a little while. Do you love this man enough to give him the space he needs to find his way? Possibly, finding his way back to you? This is where breakups become permanent. You get so confused and scared and helpless that you end up saying and doing the wrong things to solidify his reasons for leaving.
Resolve yourself to the idea that at this very moment, there is nothing you can do. The wounds are still fresh and you wont make the best decisions. Go hang out with your friends and cry a little bit. Talk with your parents or siblings. Stay at home and watch your favorite movies. Give yourself a chance to breathe before even considering the process of healing after a breakup.
Do something you’ve been itching to do
We always put off doing those things we really want to do because we are so comfortable. Now that your comfy blanket has been taken away, what are you waiting for? You might be in pain, but that should not stop you from moving forward towards healing after a breakup. Otherwise you’ll just sit around eating and crying your way into oblivion.
You’ll find that even the simple act of looking into going back to school or planning a sweet little vacation will bring you a delightful ray of sunshine. You have put off your dreams for way too long and now that youve been forced to make changes, youre gonna make a whole bunch of them! Think about it, he’s prevented you from doing so many things you’ve always wanted to do. Now what’s stopping you from that trip to Hawaii or some European hot spot?
Get a new hairstyle. Join a gym. Take up oil painting. Find new ways to keep the momentum rolling. Keep in mind, were not just talking about busywork to keep your mind occupied. You want to do awesome things that really give you something interesting to talk about. Why bother? Because it is vital you…
Be the girl he fell in love with
Your very first reaction to the breakup is horror, then you want to beg him to stay, then sometimes you get angry. Freaking out just makes him think, Wow, it’s a good thing I broke up with her! Shes nuts! What if you played it very cool instead? What if you acted like the girl he fell head over heels with on those first few magical dates?
This is a very difficult thing to pull off because your mind is pounding with conflicting thoughts all screaming at once. Panic Away is great for this, but you’ll also discover in the book, The Magic of Making Up that nothing is more irresistible to your ex than seeing how gracefully you’ve moved on. When dealing with your ex, anything you do that doesn’t show that you are calm and collected is the wrong move. You can freak out all you want when you are alone or with your friends, but around him you’re cool as a cucumber.
Get back to who you were before he met you is one of the best methods in healing after a breakup. Is there something you used to love to do before you two became an item? Re-find yourself.
Or maybe you used to look a whole lot better. Now is the time to get back to your original hotness! We recommend the Fat Burning Kitchen course. Basically, there are 2 types of hormones released when you eat. Fat storage hormones and fat burning hormones. They teach you when to eat and more importantly what to eat that creates encourages the fat burning hormones. If you want to get hot and happy, check this one out!
Get him to talk
So you’ve been cool around him. You’ve started the ball rolling to fulfilling some of the things you’ve been dreaming about. You may have even joined the gym. You’re still dying inside. You dont feel like you’re healing after a breakup, it feels more like scampering around like a wounded squirrel. Why am I doing all of this? Where does it get me?
It gets you to the point where he has actually re-convinced himself that you actually are a cool chick. He thinks that now he can actually talk to you about what happened and where he’s at in his life. Even if you have no desire whatsoever to get back with him, it’s always a major healing process to find out exactly why he dumped you.
You cannot get to this stage by being anything but completely cool. If you go psycho on him and scare him away, you might never find out what he was really thinking. People are always surprised to find out that the breakup often had very little to do with themselves and more about his own personal issues.
Men stay in dying relationships way longer than they want to because they are afraid of the freakout. Instead of leaving, they simply pull away. When you learn to see the warning signs of a breakup, it never really needs to get this far.
But were here now, learning about healing after a breakup. That healing comes from accepting change and being thankful youve been given the reason to actively follow your dreams. Dont be surprised when he comes back to you with the whole I made a mistake speech! Now you get to decide if he really is the perfect man for you!