How do toxic relationships happen? Things used to be so great.
That’s usually how it happens. Toxic relationships creep in as things slowly break down. The problem is that your love doesn’t know any better. You still feel all the same feelings but something has horribly changed. It’s possible you’ve always been in toxic relationships and don’t know that there are guys out there that will treat you with admiration and respect.
The problem is that it all happens so gradually… A rude comment is passed of casually. One by one, he stops doing all those nice things for you. You get grumpier and grumpier so he withdraws more. All of the sudden, you wake up and notice that the relationship is no where near the sweet and loving situation you had before. Somehow you guys learned how to be really mean to each other.
Our favorite place to start is the Panic Away Method. This very powerful course will really turn your mind around about where you fit into your relationships. If you always find yourself in bad relationships, you really should give this site a look!
The biggest problem is that troubled relationships have a way of turning into abusive relationships, so if any of the following applies to you, start considering your options.
He calls me names
There is no name calling in good relationships. The only name calling you should hear is words like “baby” and “dollface.” When your man calls you names, it’s a fundamental sign that he doesn’t respect you. It’s demeaning and often cruel.
The real problem with this is that almost all physically abusive relationships start out as verbally abusive. It slowly wears down your self-esteem and has no other place in a relationship other than to hurt you.
If your guy has no issues about calling you a bitch or worse things, take that as a huge warning sign. Even if he only calls you names when you two are fighting, this is still not normal behaviour. It’s disrespectful and inexcusable.
He never calls
He doesn’t call. He doesn’t answer his phone. He only contacts you when he needs something. You can hardly call this a relationship. In fact, it’s pretty much him using you. The problem is: you let him get away with it. A guy that will only call you when it fits into his schedule doesn’t think of you other than that way. Check out this article on how to tell if you are a booty call to see if you’ve fallen into that trap.
You will find yourself in dating limbo always waiting for him to call or come by. The important thing to consider is that this type of toxic relationship will pretty much stay this way until one of you gives up. He won’t magically decide to treat you better. If you really want to know how to get him to call you more, check out Why He Doesn’t Call and get him to communicate more.
He doesn’t listen to me
This happens in varying degrees in all relationships, but when he really starts ignoring what you say, he’s on his way out. People are funny this way. He could be totally miserable in the relationship but will never leave it. Either he’s too comfortable, he’s getting some things he wants, he’s afraid of leaving, or he’s just plain lazy. When he stops paying attention to you, this is a sign that things are taking a turn for the worse.
Of course, this also comes along with two people getting used to each other, but if he goes out of his way to ignore you, watch out.
He doesn’t put any effort into the relationship
Does it seem like your boyfriend just takes and never bothers to give. He doesn’t show any effort to make you feel loved. He just does the bare minimum to keep you from complaining. In many ways, this is one of the worst relationships of all. You really have to step back to see that you put in all the effort and he benefits from all your good loving but gives you very little in return.
It’s hard to leave a relationship when there really is nothing horribly wrong. But at the pace of things, you are more like room-mates than lovers. Ask yourself if this is really what you want. Do you want someone who can make you feel loved?
He’s emotionally immature
Emotionally immature people can be very cruel. They get upset at stupid things. They do embarrassing things when upset and during disagreements, they take off the gloves and go for the low blows. Does it seem like everything could start an argument? Do you really have to watch what you say or do because most things upset them? Not fun.
He’s very jealous
Jealousy is a huge sign of insecurity. You know that you’re not doing anything wrong, but you still get accused of it anyway. Jealous guys have been known to do all kind of creepy things to protect what they feel is “their possession.”
Phone tapping, computer key logging, snooping, and stalking are all part of their strange little world of mistrust. The problem is that technology is making it easier for them to continue their paranoid fantasies.
There is essentially no way to “logic” him into trusting you because jealousy is often completely irrational. At first, it seems kinda cute that he’s into you that much, but over time, it can be very irritating that he can’t trust you to do anything. Learn how to deal with jealousy before it turns into something worse.
What if you’re the jealous one? It’s time to get a handle on these feelings of jealousy. You should check out the book Conquer Jealousy. It teaches you some very fundamental ways to learn to love yourself enough to trust the people in your life. If your jealousy has ruined any relationships in your life, this book is well worth the peace of mind.
Let’s just start with one simple truth. Anyone who does any kind of violence against you is not normal. No matter what examples you have of other relationships. No one deserves to get hit. Physical abuse is at the top of the list for what defines toxic relationships. If abuse or any of the other things are happening to you, it’s time to figure out should you stay or should you go? This book simply asks all the questions you really need to consider to see if you aren’t getting everything you deserve in your relationship.
When you’re stuck in toxic relationships, it’s pretty hard to understand how you got there in the first place. It all happens so slowly. With a little knowledge and more confidence, you will have everything you need to get away from your toxic relationship and get back into relationships you deserve. It can be a scary process.
When we have clients who need a bit more help getting things together, we often recommend learning how to get the strength to break up. Sure it sounds terrifying to be on your own, but sometimes it’s not so easy to realize how great you really are and how much happiness you can have in your life. This book really speaks to that part of your brain that is holding you back and preventing you from realizing your true inner strength. It gives you the strength to find better relationships.
Back to top of Toxic Relationships
Back to Ending Relationships