He wants open sexual relationships. How does this affect me?
It depends. Are you considering open sexual relationships at the beginning of a relationship or does it feel more like the end of the relationship?
This article handles open relationships from the beginning of the relationship. Let’s assume you are both two responsible, forward thinking people who are emotionally strong enough to consider the thought of your boyfriend (and you) having sex with other men and women. Is this a bad idea? Well, no provided you are responsible, forward thinking, emotionally strong and willing to sleep with people other than your boyfriend.
That is to say, open sexual relationships can be interesting and fun if this fits into your reality, not his.
The fact is, more and more couples are straying away from marriage and monogamy than ever before. To some, the thought of ownership of your significant other is an outdated idea. The couple decides to either bring sexual partners into their bedroom or to find other people on their own. How does this work?
In order to get the best perspective on this, we recommend The Threesome Guide. It help you navigate many of the issues couples have when first getting into an open relationship.
Setup the guidelines before anything happens
So you have met a guy that seems pretty cool. You go out on a few dates and you decide youd like to keep him around. At some point he (or you) suggests an open sexual relationship. You both think it might be interesting so you both agree to try it.
What now? Dont even think about doing this until you have both discussed at length what you are expecting to get out of this.
Consider every possibility. Will you be doing this together as a threesome or will you be seeing other people separately? Is this for more emotional attachment or is just sex? Can you talk about it afterwards or do you not want to know? Friends or strangers? When? How? Its best to consider every scenario.
The best advice: be selfish
Thats right! Its every guys dream to be in an open sexual relationship especially if it involves ménage-a-trios (French for threesomes). Whereas, having more men or women in your sexual life might only be a passing fancy to you. Either way, you must take control of this and let him know its all about your needs.
If you dont have an absolute blast, then its over. Period. You let him know what hes allowed to do with the other partner and develop a safe word for when youre feeling uncomfortable. Its his job to make this perfect for you.
Perhaps youre not the selfish type. BE SELFISH! Its the only way this will work.
Although this is not about keeping score, it would cause a strain eventually if he goes out and hooks up every night and you only do it once or twice. Or maybe you both bring a girl home and he shows all his attention to her. If these ideas make you cringe a little bit, then they’ll make you cringe a lot later.
It may be exciting at first. After the excitement fades, then what?
As with any open relationship, being completely honest and straightforward is your savior. Nothing will wreck an open sexual relationship quicker than someone keeping secrets. Whether theyre secrets about who you are with or (more importantly) how you are feeling.
Keeping an open line of communication is the best possible defence from destroying your relationship altogether.
Dont be afraid of stopping
If this isnt your thing, than it just isn’t. You dont have to stop it completely either. You can tell him you need some time to think things over. Either way, he will appreciate that you were willing to indulge his fantasies.
Before you take the plunge, there are some very important rules that both partners absolutely must do:
- All outside sex must follow the safest possible guidelines. Condoms, dental dams, etc.
- You must both agree that your relationship is the primary relationship. No other girls take precedent over you.
- Decide whether or not you can talk about outside sex.
- No emotional involvement with other sexual partners.
- Decide the acceptable places for sexual encounters, i.e. can he have sex with other girls in your bed?
- Will you be doing this separately or together? If together, are either one of you allowed to do it without the other partner?
Come up with any other rules you need to make open sexual relationships healthy. These are strange and exciting times, but above all, you must protect yourself and ensure your happiness.