We’re having long distance relationship problems. Help!
Whenever two lovers spend extended time away from each other, long distance relationship problems are bound to pop up. It usually starts with a simple misunderstanding. That confusion plus the time it takes for you to get an email or phone call back can drive you crazy.
By the time he finally calls, you are a basket case. You end up saying a whole bunch of things that you dont mean and now this little long distance relationship problem is a full-blown fight.
When you used to have miscommunications like this, you or he would drive over and figure things out in person. You were able to see the look on his face and understand where hes coming from. When things get resolved, then you get the benefits of being in each others arms.
With a long distance relationship, you miss out on all the face-to-face interaction so you dont really feel like the disagreement was fully resolved. Its a lonely feeling, but it’s not something you have to suffer through in the dark. If you love your guy and are committed to getting through any long distance relationship problems, then you should read Long Distance Love Guide to really get a handle on the in’s and out’s of holding on to a great, yet far away guy.
You might even consider this awesome and adorable little workbook called the Long Distance Relationship Workbook! It’s full of fun assignments to really deepen your love for each other.
Here are some of the typical long distance relationship problems that you may encounter:
The speed of communication. Email can take a long time. Both of you are living your life and sometimes its impossible to respond to emails right after they get sent. Sometimes phone calls get missed. Its easy to get anxious if he has not emailed back right away, especially if you are saying some really vulnerable things. Maybe he does not answer his phone when you planned to talk. Your mind races through any number of tragic or sleazy scenarios.
Dealing with it. Slow down. Both of you. One of you might not be available for any number of reasons and almost all of them are totally innocent. One way you can prevent this clingy behavior in him is to not always be immediately available. I know its hard, but every once in awhile, dont answer his email right away. Dont take his phone call and then call him back in a half hour. If you train him to understand that things dont happen every time he wants them to happen, then the process of communicating will go much smoother.
Your jealousy. He might mention female coworkers or classmates and you just can’t help wondering if shes better looking, funnier, cuter, sexier than you. Yeah, we all do it. Of all the long distance relationship problems you encounter, this one’s the worst. Its how you handle it that makes all the difference.
Dealing with it. Do you trust him? Do you really trust him? If yes, then it really does not matter how sexy this other woman is? Hes not taking the bait. TV and movies have made us think that no one has any control over their desires and they jump into bed with anyone who half-way smiles at them. In reality, this is still a very awkward and confusing process. Add to that the love he feels for you and you have your far away boyfriend not doing anything wrong and wishing he was with you. People just are not as pathetic as they are portrayed in the media.
What if you dont trust him? Girlfriend, you have some troubling times ahead of you. What did he do to gain your mistrust? Nothing? Then you need to learn how to deal with your jealousy. If hes cheated on you before odds are that he will do it again. I know I just said that people are not as scummy as we are lead to believe, but there are a few people that set the low standard for the rest of us.
Feeling jealous has a way of eating through your entire world. No matter what happened to you in the past, it’s time to let go and learn to trust. If you’re really having problems with jealousy, you might want to get your hands on a copy of the book, No More Jealousy and really learn to understand where these feelings stem from and how to stop them before they lead to even more long distance relationship problems, even worse, a bad breakup.
Jealousy is really all about a changing of your thought process. If cheating is an issue for you, the easiest way to handle it is to just let him go. If you really cant but you cant stand thinking about him cheating, then your only option is to talk about an open relationship. Open relationships are really difficult to make work, but if it gives you a little piece of mind, then go for it. You just need to set some stipulations:
- 1. Everyone ALWAYS uses a condom.
- 2. You both agree to respect each other and not put each other in danger.
- 3. You agree to respect yourselves and not get yourselves into sketchy situations.
- 4. No matter what, you will love each other.
- 5. If either one of you finds someone new, you have the courtesy to end it.
I know this is pretty unfeeling, but no feelings are sometimes preferable to always feeling miserable.
His Jealousy. This can be a terrible long distance relationship problem especially if you know youre not doing anything wrong. The problem with jealousy is that you cant make it better by reasoning. Its usually an irrational fear some guys get because they feel insecure. Your only defense is to make it a non-issue. Sometimes this can be dealt with by acknowledging it and laughing it off. Oh, youre feeling jealous! Thats so cute. No, baby, I am all about you and no boy could ever change that. And then let it go. Dont get angry or defensive. Many people think that only the guilty need to defend themselves. Act like its beneath you and he may get the point.
If he does not, hell torture you and himself with a silent jealous rage during your whole time apart. This is bad news and, really, do you need all of this heartache?
Fighting on the phone Fighting is one of the most difficult long distance relationship problems to deal with because one of you can simply hang up the phone and not pick it up when the other calls back. Its cruel to not give the other person resolution, but sometimes someone says something that is just inexcusable.
Dealing with it. Make a pact before one of you moves away to never say things that makes the other person want to hang up. Just the simple act of agreeing to not step on each others boundaries cuts out the majority of your long distance relationship problems from the very beginning.
Learn more about each other. Whenever it feels like a fight is brewing, change the subject! Take this time to ask meaningful questions about each other to get closer to the man you love. It’s a fun exercise and will ensure you keep him while you are apart.
And for a really special treat, we recommend learning Long Distance Lovemaking! Trust us: he’ll thank you for these moments!
Remember you love each other and promise not to compromise that love just because youre upset. Learning how to deal with long distance relationship problems is definitely a skill. Before getting upset, always ask yourself, “Is this really something I need to freak out about?” The more laid back you can get, the better it will be for your relationship.