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Two lovers from two different worlds

Two lovers from two different worlds

by Aggy O’Brien, 20
(New York)

dating and relationshipsI am 20yrs old and I’ve been dating a boy a year younger than me for almost two years now. We met in High School and got together right before graduation. Our relationship has been on & off.

I love him so much, and I know he loves me too, perhaps more than my love to him. He is my 3rd boyfriend I’ve had but I am his first.

The problem is he’s from Bangladesh & some stupid tradition from his parents prohibits him from having a girlfriend. They’ll choose a girl for him to marry. I hate that tradition. I mean c’mon we’re in the US now. We have freedom of expression. He’s been hiding our relationship from his parents. That’s the only way for him to be with me.

As for me, my parents didn’t & still don’t agree with our relationship. I’m Catholic and he’s Muslim. I’m expected to get a white boyfriend. I am from Indonesia but my dad is white & he was born in the US.

The thing is, unlike my boyfriend, I always try to get what I want. I made my parents accept my boyfriend.

I’ve been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. We’ve done it several times but somehow always got back together. My question is, is it right to break up if we still deeply care & love each other?

My boyfriend doesn’t want to marry & he too, knows that there won’t be future for us because his parents will never agree. I am done playing around and I want a boyfriend whom I can depend on for the future. I want to settle down. I want to go to my boyfriend’s house (so far it’s always him who comes to my house) and be introduced to his parents.

I want to have a normal relationship! Because of this tradition, my boyfriend doesn’t kiss or hug me in public, when we walk near his neighborhood, he doesn’t even hold my hand, he pretends not to know me.

I know that this isn’t completely his fault. Not everyone is brave like me, challenging stupid tradition. I love him so much but I see darkness on our way ahead.

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I am Jealous

I am Jealous

by Sarah

dating and relationshipsSo I’m not really stating this as a question more so of just venting my feelings, but I’m open to any and all of advice.

First though I should tell you that I’m recently married.Less than a week recently actually and it’s been a really rocky relationship…

I’m not sure if jealousy is really the word for how I feel or not. Though I’m sure Carter thinks that’s exactly what it is. But jealousy doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t make you want to crawl into a ball and just cry. And that’s how I feel. I don’t really know why I feel that way and for some unknown reason Carter just can’t understand it. He can’t understand what it feels like to know you are the second love of someones life. I’m sure he doesn’t look at it that way because he likes to play out like he never even loved her, but I’ve seen the pictures and I’ve seen the hurt in his eyes when he talks about her…and in my point of view in order to feel the kinda hurt that I know he feels he had to be in love with her. In order have the smile on his face and the look in his eyes he gives to me…to her in those pictures, he had to have been in love with her.

And it just hurts in a way that makes it feel like your heart is being split open to know that you are the second choice to a man that you love with everything you are. It hurts to know that a woman you hate will always know things about that man that you will probably never figure out. My biggest fear is losing him. My second biggest fear is losing him to her. They have a baby together. They gave each other four years of their lives and he makes it out like it’s not a big deal when it is. You don’t give someone that time for no reason. They have a history that time will never erase because of their daughter.

I think one of the things I’m scared most of is that he’ll cheat on me with her. He has said over and over again that the main reason he got with her is because he heard the sex was great and I’ve read the post to his friends, the jokes about how good she is when they first got together.

What if I’m not good enough? What if he wants what only she can give him? They were together all that time. They know each others bodies in a way that I still don’t know his. She knows all the right buttons to push, while I’m still trying to learn them all. I just really wish he understood these doubts and insecurities. Maybe then he wouldn’t get so mad when I get irritated with the situation.

I guess in a way I am jealous. I’m jealous of what they had…


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Greatest Love of My Life

Greatest Love of My Life

by Shirley

dating and relationshipsWe met when we moved to the city. He was always chasing after me but at that time he already had a girlfriend and I didn’t bother getting involved with him. Desmond always teased me when I walked passed him and his friends and I started to hate him but I knew in my heart that I loved him even though I knew he had a girlfriend.

As the time passed by, I started to fall for him and he ask me if I would be his girlfriend and I said yes. Never in my life I felt so happy as if nothing else matters. It was just me and him and no one else.

After awhile, he became jealous and started to hit me if I talked to other guys. I did nothing because I loved him and I thought that he is just jealous because he loves me and is afraid to lose me. But if I confronted him about other girls he would just pretend if I am crazy and say, “If you are going to keep on going on like this, I’m going to slap you.”

But still I love him even more and I was afraid to lose him. Then I turned to other guys for comfort and I started cheating on him just because it felt good to know that other guys finds me attractive and treat me like a woman.

I still loved my boyfriend and I couldn’t stand to lie to him any more. I decided to stop and we talked about it and everything went back to normal. Little did I know, he was seeing another woman.

One day, one of his friends came to me and told me that he was having an affair I confronted him and he denied. I remember it as it was yesterday when I saw Desmond with his new girlfriend walking past our house. They were in love and it felt like someone had stabbed me in my heart at that moment.

I just wanted to be alone. I had no one to support me. My parents did not like him at all and I had no friends as he wouldn’t want me to have friends. I was so heartbroken. I just walked blinded by my tears… when I came to my senses, I was at the graveyard.

After that day I never saw him. One day, I was on my way to the shop with a friend. He is in love with me but I am still hurt and my ex walked past us. He started to hit my friend as he thought we were together and I tried to tell him that there is nothing between us and he has a girlfriend and he must leave me alone. He said that he loved me and no one can have me.

My ex and I began an affair. We were so in love and we just love each other. During all this, his girlfriend was pregnant and we stopped the affair.

I started to date new boys but he was still jealous of me and he hit me every time he saw me with a guy. After his child’s birth, we started the affair again until his girlfriend caught us. We had a fight we stopped seeing each other and after that for about a year, we didn’t worry about each other.

This year, we got back together as an official couple and he left his child’s mother and I know we are back together. We love each other more than ever but suddenly I began to get sick and I went to the doctor I was diagnosed with cancer. There was nothing they could do for me anymore. That’s why I wrote this in my diary so that Desmond must know how much I love him. I loved him for all the seven years we were together.


Our Love Advice to You

by: Sarah

Let’s see… He’s insanely jealous. He beats you. He beats up any dudes that get near you. He cheated on you. He had a baby with another girl…

This is the love of your life?!! I’d love to meet someone you hated. Scratch that. You’d probably get murdered.

I know it might seem strange, but please girl, go talk to a counselor. This whole story made me really sad.


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Trust betrayed but still in love

Trust betrayed but still in love

by Claire

dating and relationshipsMe and my partner have been together for 3 years now.

When i met my man, he was an alcoholic so things were tough but we always managed to get through our troubles. He no longer drinks as much and he’s made me so proud at the changes he’s made. The only problem is he occasionally has lapses and when this happens he drinks to the point where he can’t remember any of the events that took place during the evening.

I always trusted him and never thought that i had to worry about him cheating but recent events has made me think otherwise. In November we went to a gig together and whilst we were out he got so drunk that he ended up passionately kissing two girls in front of me. He claims that he thought that he was kissing me and would have never have done it intentionally. The girls did come onto him and he did look disgusted and pushed them away after he realized what was going on.

We decided to carry on with the relationship as normal and try to forget the incident ever happened, this has proved to be more difficult than thought. We get on great have lovely weekends together but as soon as he goes out for an evening I’m a nervous wreck and sit at home in tears. This then turns into arguments: how do i know that he wont do it again and that it hadn’t happened before i had to witness it myself? It’s got to the point where i even dream of him being with other women.

I moved away to study in September so we are juggling a long distance relationship, this makes it even worse as i feel he’s not satisfied and will look elsewhere for intimacy. I love him so much and when we’re together we are great. He always tells me how much he loves me and has always talked about marriage saying he see’s me as a partner for life.

I don’t know what to do because i cant control my jealousy anymore and Ive not been able to regain my trust towards him. Is calling it a day the best option? Is there something that can be done to save our relationship?


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Weird Guy Freak Out Thing

Weird Guy Freak Out Thing

by Anonymous

dating and relationshipsI met my boyfriend in our second year of university. A few months into our relationship he moved across the country to work for the summer. Once he came back things were even stronger than ever because we had missed each other so much.

We had such a strong bond throughout our whole relationship and I really feel that he is perfect for me.

A little over a month ago he decided to break up with me stating that he wasn’t feeling it anymore, that he felt bad for not putting in the effort he should have for the last couple of months, and that he is 22 and just wants to be 22. We had been together for a little over 2 years at this point.

A couple days after I managed to get him to meet up with me to plead my case and he took a week to think about things. He decided that he didn’t want to try because if he did it would be out of guilt and he would end up resenting me which he didn’t want.

After I got my stuff, we didn’t speak for 4 weeks until I sent him a casual message to see how he had been doing. He responded that night with a pleasant message that was more than just “good” or whatever. I sent him another the next day but did not leave much room for conversation from it and he did not respond.

I have heard from 3 different people that since the break up (as recently as a few days ago) he has been weirdly quiet, not acting like himself, and sad looking. I thought maybe people were telling me this because it was what I wanted to hear but the one person didn’t actually tell me, they told a friend and did not want her to tell me about it.

I am hoping that this is just a weird guy freak out kind of thing because we are about to graduate from university and need to make big life decisions and what not. I want it to just be a phase and that he will realize he misses me and wants to be with me…


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I Deserve Someone Better

I Deserve Someone Better

by Anonymous

dating and relationshipsWe met in college our first year and we thought we were college sweethearts. We made each other promises and said that we will marry and live a happily ever after.

But as time went on, I became insecure because he was really flirty with the girls. I confronted him of this and he made me feel I was just paranoid.

Then came the day when he was caught with a female friend stripping in front of him. He told me 2 weeks after it happened and I could not break up with him because I felt so attached to him. I had sex with him, so I felt that I had to marry him.

We kept going in our relationship, but I was still insecure and unhappy because of the insecurity. And the truth is that I saw it in his eyes as well. We kept fooling ourselves for so long and just making each other more miserable.

Then came this last summer I went to Peru for a mission trip and God has showed me the courage that I have been redeemed and that I don’t need to marry this guy. But I still did not have the strength to break up with him.

I guess he also found the strength because we broke up at the end of my trip. Last semester was hard because we have the same group of friends at the dinner table and he is pursuing this one girl. Last semester I was pretty bitter over the break up, but honestly right now it just hurts.

He was the one that said God wanted him to be single for a long time. And he is pursuing this girl like no other. It makes me feel small and that I am not good enough. I don’t like the hurt at all. I just wish it went away.

He graduates this semester so I won’t see him ever again, but its hard right now because you loved someone for almost years and they already moved on.


Our Dating Advice to You

Let go
by: Cat

Some men move on physically but not emotionally. You take what you can from each experience in life and learn from it and then move on. It is good that you can acknowledge your feelings, it will help you to let go of the attachment to a very immature young man.


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Am I judgmental?

Am I judgmental?

by Casey
(San Antonio, TX)

I’m not sure who is in the wrong. Am I judgmental? I’ve been dating a guy who is ten years my senior and we tend to have disagreements and I’m always the one to take the blame.

I’ve been sick this week but still having to go to work, but we were planning on seeing each other Friday night and into Saturday. He decided to have a drinking party with his friends Thursday night. We had talked on the phone and I had mentioned to try not to party too hard so that he won’t be hung over when we get to see each other on Friday (we hadn’t seen each other all week).

Well, I arrive at his place Friday around 7pm and he had been sleeping off his hangover all day. One of his friends let me in when I was knocking. His friend and I chit chat downstairs while I’m waiting for him to come down cause his friend said when I arrived hedating and relationships went to the bathroom. Well, the friend left and my boyfriend never came down. So, I go upstairs and find him in bed sleeping again.

At this point I’m very upset because instead of coming down to greet me, ask how my day went etc, he went to the bathroom and went back to bed thinking I’d come up eventually and cuddle with him. I’m also upset that he drank so much that he was still in bed knowing that I would be coming to see him the next night. Plus, he knows I’ve been sick and I was hoping he would take care of me a little instead of me having to take care of his hangover.

When I go upstairs to see him, I say hey and he says hay without turning over to see me. I ask if he’s been hung over all day and he says yes. I say that his friend just left. He says nothing. I’m so upset that I just say that I guess I’ll just leave since he’s going to just sleep. He says fine, go, and thanks for coming in and judging everything and bringing negativity with me. I say your welcome and leave. I drive around the block and come back and go back upstairs to him.

I tell him that I didn’t want to leave without telling him why. He’s still in bed not facing me. He says ok. I tell him why I’m upset and he tells me that I’m very negative and judgmental and he tells me his expectations weren’t met by me not coming upstairs and cuddling with him since I was sick and he’s sleepy. And that he would have eventually woken up and we could have a nice night. I tell him I’ve been sick and working all week and he could have come downstairs or at least acknowledged that I was there. And that I was disappointed that he drank so much the night before that he’s still hung over for our time.

He gets up and looks me in the eye and says do you want to forget about all of this and just have a good night together. And I tell him, no that its not right he’s not taking any responsibility or saying sorry. He keeps saying I’m being so judgmental and since I was still arguing with him he tells me to get the f*** out of his house and that we were over. I ask him if that’s really how’d he want to end it and he says that he gave me chances to stop arguing and to just have a good night but I wouldn’t let it go cause he still thought he didn’t do anything wrong. Just that I did something wrong by coming in complaining and leaving and then coming back and complaining some more. I tell him I’m trying to tell him why I am upset with the situation and he tells me to get the f*** out of his house again and to take my imaginary world with me. I start crying and unable to leave.

He just lies there not caring and not facing me. He says this is what happens when I push his buttons. I eventually just say I’m sorry for arguing and being judgmental and then he hugs me and says that its good I recognize that and I shouldn’t expect people to do anything or I’ll always be miserable.

Was I in the wrong? I’ve never had such a hard time with a boyfriend before. He has had a rough life and he’s pretty intelligent. But whenever he does something that pushes my buttons and I call him out some how he makes it my fault in the end and I end up apologizing to keep the relationship. What should I do?


Our Dating Advice to You

Get outta there ASAP
by: Sammy

LEAVE!!!!! Don’t walk, RUN. What a manipulative jackass!

He’s brainwashing you to become a compliant doormat, and the more you allow it the more he will push and work to systematically take your foundation out from under you. Please… google up some info on emotional blackmail and psychological abuse, gaslighting, etc.,

Most importantly you need to listen to your gut feelings, which are always right. Do you think that it is ever wrong to do what is right? Ask yourself: if you had a best-girl-friend in the same situation, what would you want for her?

It sounds like your boyfriend (ugh!) needs professional help for his unresolved issues, which cause him to be very immature, self-centered and insensitive to your feelings and needs. (I’m trying to be nice here) Somehow you are finding a reason to excuse his serious flaws at the expense of your own dignity. Is it worth it? (NO!)

Where do you draw the line? Once you stand up for yourself, don’t back down, as it only undermines your own strength and beliefs as a human being. You deserve to be treated with respect, but your boyfriend (ugh!) seems to not respect himself; therefore he cannot respect you either. Sometimes being judgmental is being wise, as it enables us to make important decisions. The choice is always yours and I hope this makes sense enough to help you. I will pray for you to find the strength to do the right thing.


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He Grosses Me Out

He Grosses Me Out

dating and relationshipsby Tina
(Menifee, CA, USA)

I wish that I could just break up with someone that I am financially dependent on. I do not feel sexually attracted to him anymore and he bores me, especially since he is so emotionally detached from me and my life.

I don’t like him any more, as things took a radical nose-dive when I found out he had been involved with another woman for a 3 year duration while we were on & off again for seven years. I see him maybe once a week because he chooses to live at his sister’s house where he is much closer to work. I am relieved that I don’t have to see him more often because he pays more attention to the dog than he does to me.

He grosses me out.

I am going to school full time so that I can get a good job at some point and not need to rely on him anymore. I know that I am where I need to be, but I surely look forward to where I am going!

Continue reading

He Won’t Ask Me Out

He Won’t Ask Me Out

dating and relationshipsby veelee711

There is a guy who flirts with me endlessly, calls me, but he won’t ask me out. He said he was not at a place in his life for a relationship and I was too good of a girl for anything other than that. But I’m really into him – what do I do?

He is a regular at the bar I work at on Friday and Saturday night. Do I stay cool and keep up the flirtation or shut him down so he knows I’m not playing games? What can I do if he won’t ask me out?


Our Dating Advice to You

Sticky Situation
by: Samantha

This is a sticky situation to be in. You work there. He’s a customer. It puts you in a difficult situation if you are “hitting on the customers.”

I’m sure that’s not really that big of a deal at your work, but the situation is still there. In fact, he probably thinks you are off limits because sometimes it feel creepy to hit on people where they work.

If you really want to pursue him, you need to make all the first moves, but still make him think that he did all the work.

Sound hard? Check out the article on how to get him to ask you out.


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Do I Tell him I Cheated?

Do I Tell him I Cheated?

By Milly, 31
(Grand Rapids, MI)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years and we’ve been best friends for nearly 5. He means the absolute world to me and I love him so much. We usually get along really well and he makes me happy. I never thought I could cheat on him, but recently I’ve been proved wrong. Do I tell him I cheated? Continue reading

Always Been Single

Always Been Single

by Dante, 18

dating and relationshipsI am an 18 year old guy and I have always been single my whole life. The closest I have ever been to having a girlfriend was a girl last year who said that she would go out with me if I wanted. I didnt know her that well, but I thought she was attractive, and I was certainly considering going out with her, just to give the dating scene a shot.

That was, until I found out that she only wanted to have me around to make her current boyfriend jealous.

Before that, there was a girl who was really good friends with me, and I had a very serious crush on her for two years. She seemed to be showing me a lot of signs of attraction, and I was almost entirely sure that she liked me, but just two days before I planned to ask her to our Homecoming dance, I found out that she had a boyfriend, and to make things worse, I saw them kiss for the first time on my birthday.

I had to spend about a year trying to get over it. Now there is another girl that I am starting to have feelings for. However, I am still apprehensive of the whole dating scene due to my previous bad experiences. This, coupled with my already prominent shyness around this girl, makes it very difficult to try to advance our current relationship in any way. I find it difficult to even speak to her in person due to being so shy, and usually I only manage to say a few words to her each day, if at all.

She talks to me almost every day and is always smiling and telling me how nice she thinks I am. I always try to sneak glances at her during class, but she has caught me a few times. The latest time, I quickly looked away, but in the corner of my eye I could see her continue to look at me for several more seconds with a smile. Recently, I found out that she has another admirer, who left her a note in her locker saying that he thinks shes attractive and would like to get to know her. She didnt seem to think too much of it, even saying that it was slightly creepy, but she did say that she wants to meet the guy.

My question is actually four-fold:
1. How do I get over these past bad experiences?
2. How do I overcome my shyness around this girl?
3. How can I build upon our current friendship while at the same time advancing it towards a romantic relationship?
4. What should I do concerning this other secret admirer? Is it even something that I should worry about?


Our Dating Advice to You

Stop Thinking and Just Do
by: Roberto


You’ve always been single and you can find perfectly good reasons to never get a date.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but you will always be single if you continue to think things through like this. Not to mention the title of this website is “ADVICE FOR WOMEN!”

But, you’re here and this is a good look for women how hard dating is for shy guys. Let’s take the first girl you mentioned. You found out she was using you to get back at her ex. And what’s the problem? People do this all the time. You need to break you 18 year record of datelessness. Who cares if it’s for revenge, pity, hatred, or locusts?!! Get it over with.

Get it over with. The more time you spend intimately with someone under any pretenses, the better you get at dating.

Your first girlfriend will not be the eart-shattering love that will echo through the ages. You won’t get married and grow old together. Most likely, you’ll have some fun together and break up as you both go to college.

Get it over with! Stop thinking about why someone might be perfect for you and ask them out! What’s the worst thing that can happen? She will say no (if she’s a real jerk, she’ll laugh at you). Big deal. You should thank her for showing who she really is so quickly so you don’t have to discover months later how cruel and angry she is.

Dante, the longer you wait, the harder this will get. Your past failures are completely meaningless. By your age, people have been in real relationships and have had their hearts broken. Don’t put so much energy into this. Simply walk up to a girl, ask her out, then take her on a date.

It’s best to have a plan so I can’t tell you how desperately you need David DeAngelo’s book Double Your Dating. Stop living your life waiting, planning, and hoping. You’ll only keep getting disappointed. Also, keep in mind, you’re not looking for a girlfriend. Women can smell that kind of desperation. Just start with going out on a few dates to see if you’re compatible.


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Turns Out I’ve Been Lying Too

Turns Out I’ve Been Lying Too

dating and relationshipsBy: Anonymous

I was an amazing girlfriend over my guy’s deployment. A few months after he got back, he changed and I felt a big distance.

How did I fix it?

I went out and had numerous affairs. He had no idea and still doesn’t know that I cheated on him.
Long story short, I caught him cheating and made him feel like the scum of the Earth.

I don’t feel bad at all for cheating on him. I never did. I planned it all out. I still loved him. He was good in bed. But cheating was a way to get back at him for ignoring me. If i saw him tomorrow I’d punch him in the face. I at least had the respect to not be an emotional cheater and more importantly to not get caught.


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Just Friends?

Just Friends?

dating and relationshipsby Maya

A while ago I was interested in this one guy but things didn’t work out because he had just gotten out of a relationship.

We still kept in touch and now its about 6 months later he still once in a while makes some moves, but he’s never asked me out. Whenever I do see him, he tells me how much he likes me and how he misses talking to me, and he’ll contact me about once a week.

I’m a bit confused does he just wanna be friends? am I just reading too much into this? what do I do?


Our Love Advice to You

Pay Attention!!!
by: Samantha

Guys are not the masters of subtlety! This guy likes you but he’s probably too embarrassed by the way things went down last time.

He is not going to make a move…

So you are in charge here. Start with reminiscing over something that you shared the last time you were together. Pick the purest, happiest moment from that time and enjoy it with him.

When he’s feeling good and happy, as him, “Have you ever thought about us again?”

This is a very vague question that can be interpreted in a million different ways, but he will only interpret it one way. If he give you a positive response, then go with it. If it’s negative, you can still save by saying, “No, I meant what was your favorite memory from back then?”

You don’t have to stick your neck out too far and you can see exactly how he’s thinking.

You can get him back if you want him!


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dating and relationshipsby Trish

I have two girlfriends who were on dating sights at the same time I was, although we were all on different dating sights.

One summer evening we were all sitting on my deck eating pizza and drinking wine and of course talking about our favorite subject MEN… We decided to tell each other our worst internet dating experience. I went first and my two friends followed with theirs.

All at once we just stared at one another and realized we were all talking about the same man and just roared with laughter, never realizing that we all dated this man through the internet although at different times. It’s interesting to note that none of us went on a second date with this guy.

Not a horror story exactly, but an amusing one for sure!


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juggling feelings, HELP!

juggling feelings, HELP!

dating and relationshipsby Jeannie Elizabeth Willard
(Brantford, Ontario, Canada)

Well, I’m going to my semi formal with an ex and I’m pretty sure I still love him and he’s gonna ask me out.

I was intending on saying yes but then I have another ex of mine who I’ve loved all my life. I haven’t seen him for like 3 or 4 years. Basically, he came out and told me that after high school he’d come down here from thunder bay and pretty well “sweep me off my feet.” He wants to take me up to live with him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make the wrong choice because I won’t be able to redo it.

Please help


Our Dating Advice to You

Nothing is permanent
by: Samantha

I know it feels like you have to make a choice right now, but it really doesn’t matter because you are young.

I know that’s a lousy thing to hear because all of this is so intense right now. You need to make it clear to both guys that you are simply dating right now and your graduation is coming up and you need to focus on your future.

Think about this: is moving away with your other ex boyfriend a good career move for you? Will you be able to get a job easily or will you end up stuck in a place you don’t know very well with only this guy to be your life raft?

You might be doing all of this stuff for love, but you have to think about what it will mean to you once you’re settled in and have essentially nothing.

Most importantly in all of this, why are these guys ex boyfriends to begin with? The problems you had with them before have not gone away.

Before you feel the need to commit to either dude, examine why these relationships failed to begin with.


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