Why can’t he trust me?

Why does my husband think I’m cheating on him?

Melissa
(Massachusetts, USA)

I got married to the man of my dreams… at least for a little while!

It’s been four years now and I have been completely faithful to my husband the entire time. I haven’t even let any guys in close enough for me to even look at them differently. Cut to several months ago when he started accusing me of having an affair with his best friend. Seriously?!! His best friend? We talk and laugh, but that’s only because he’s my husband’s best friend! Am I not supposed to try and get along with him?

That issue was finally put to rest last month when, after months of his suspicious accusations, I made him confront his best friend.Obviously nothing was happening and his friend made that totally clear. I was pretty sure that this would be the end of it, but…

Now he tells me he has visions that I cheated on him. He has created this whole weird (and completely false) story of me not coming home one night two years ago. What is going on with the guy I married? Why can’t he trust me all of the sudden? Is it insecurity? Is he losing his mind? It seems like this… thing happened in his mind and now he thinks I’m cheating on him.

Our Relationship Issue Advice for You

By: Sara

First off, Melissa, you should probably check out this article on the 11 signs of cheating to get some idea what you’re dealing with.

It states plainly right there that one of the signs someone is cheating is that they might have cheated themselves. It’s like that first time you ever had sex. After that, you kinda knew everyone else was doing it. That goes for cheating also. In a moment of weakness, your guy could have done something he feels guilty of and to make himself feel better, he’s positive you’ve done it too.

If there really was nothing that led up to him thinking you cheated on him, then something happened in his world that put the idea in his head.

Please don’t let this serve as definitive proof that he’s actually the cheater. It isn’t. It just could be the easiest answer to your questions. Otherwise, what are your other options as to why can’t he trust you?

• He’s always been jealous and it’s now just coming up
• He has been cheated on in the past and is terrified it might happen again
• You might be “out of his league” and he knows it so he’s going to do anything he can to protect his “property”

You asked if he is losing his mind. Unfortunately, this might not be so far fetched. The beginning stages of some mental disorders include paranoia. Here is the part where you ask yourself, “How much do I love this man?” If you can answer without hesitation that you love him more than anything, then it’s time to go see a counselor. There seems to be no way that you can erase these thoughts from his head, so it’s time to bring in the big guns and see if a professional can make things right for him.

I recommend the book: Trust Issues: Manage the Anxiety, Insecurity and Jealousy in Your Relationship, With 10 Simple Steps

It’s a difficult place to be in when someone you love can’t trust you for whatever reasons, but if you are dedicated to love (and if he is too), then you will find the underlying answer as to “why can’t he trust me?”

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