What do you think about older women dating younger men?
Is there a stigma around dating older women?
Question by Kim D.
Hi, I’m 49 and I just got into a relationship with a very gorgeous and loving 35 year old man. The problem is that I’m not sure how I feel about it. Is it OK for older women dating younger men? I look young for my age, but I always feel like people are judging me or thinking I’m some sort of “cougar” (barf).
My grown kids have mixed feelings. My daughter thinks I’m wonder woman and my son thinks I’m, in his words, “gross.” I’m sure some of that is him never forgiving me for divorcing his father who was absent throughout our 25 year marriage. My new guy makes me feel beautiful and desirable and I can’t get enough of his big grey eyes and his playful spirit.
I have no way of knowing if this relationship will last, but it’s been four months now of everything I was STARVING for in my marriage. I don’t feel as if the age difference really matters since older men do this with younger women all the time, but my son’s reaction kinda threw me. Is there some kind of stigma around dating older women? Are my friends secretly making fun of me or are they jealous I’m having a blast with a hot younger man?
Well, how do YOU feel about dating younger men?
So, Kim. What’s your thoughts on older women dating younger men? If you don’t have a problem with it, then there isn’t any problem with it! This is your life and you’ve been denying yourself the whole time during your “absent marriage.” The only issues you should have in any relationship is in how this person treats you and what kind of a human being he is.
All your misgivings will probably fade away as you roll around giggling like a little girl with this gorgeous and caring younger guy.
That’s not to say there aren’t problems in dating someone younger than you…
Age differences in pop culture references
When dating someone older or younger than you, you will always bump into that disconnect between pop culture references. How you react to this depends completely on you. For example:
- Different musical tastes
- Differences in sharing movie quotes
- Differences in toys you had as children
These sorts of things pop up all the time with older women dating younger men. You have a decade plus of memories that he has no concept of. Plus he’s had a childhood completely different from your own. This is a little easier for you since you had children and had to take part in their likes and hobbies, but given the length of your marriage, I’m guessing he’s nearly a decade older than your kids. So there is a good stretch of time where he grew up with toys and TV shows you had no concept of since you were eagerly heading towards your 20 when he was still playing for a living.
You probably learned to type on a typewriter whereas he had an old PC to do it on. The movies and TV shows you adored as a child he’s likely never heard of or cared about and his musical tastes might disgust you from time to time, but it’s all in the way you and he handle these differences.
If he makes fun of you in a cruel way for not knowing things that played a big part in his childhood or if you react with pity when he wonders what a payphone is, then you guys are going to have a hard time making it last. These instances will always pop up from time to time. If both of make light of it in an funny and endearing way, he will never make you feel like an “old lady” and he will never feel like a baby.
A great idea is to watch each other’s favorite movies. Try to pick something each other might like, but couples will always have contentions around romantic comedies vs. action thrillers. That’s not an age thing, it’s a sex thing.
Higher sexual desires and abilities
Of all people out on the dating scene, older women dating younger men always make out like bandits in this area. Younger guys have much more active libidos, are in better shape, AND they are much better at taking directions. Without knowing anything about your previous marriage, I can guarantee you that the sex is way better with your younger guy! Your women friends aren’t making fun of you for dating a younger man, they are JEALOUS of all the intimacy guys give you before they get stuck in their older guy ruts and forget about their significant others.
The good news is that as women age, they begin to understand the deep complexities of their sexuality. It’s a cruel joke on humans that men peak in their late 20’s and women just get started in their thirties. Much of a woman’s sexuality stems from a deep understanding of herself: what turns her on, what intrigues her, all of her hidden nooks and crannies. Whereas by the time a guy figures this stuff out, their bodies are ramping down the wholesale production of testosterone. When a guy starts truly learning about his sexuality, he’s no longer a walking boner machine. Cruel cruel nature…
Younger men are “trainable”
I know this makes men sound more like dogs than they actually are, but it’s true. The problem with dating older men is that they think they know and have done everything! Getting an old guy to step out of his comfort zone can be close to impossible the more he’s dug in to who he sees himself as.
With young guys dating older women, they are still on their journey of discovering their place in the world. Sexy little you saunters in and shows him a few things you’ve discovered about life and I swear to you that he will never forget you!
Mind you, this isn’t an “I’m older so I know better” situation. You can NEVER treat him like you might treat your kids. If he’s making mistakes that you know you can help him on, you can only make suggestions and never “pull rank” on him. It didn’t work on your ex-husband and it won’t work on your new boyfriend. Guys are still pretty much guys at any age.
Older women dating younger men is AWESOME!
There’s something about having a sexy young thing on your arm that makes you feel like a million bucks! Haters are always going to hate. Sure, people might actually be judging you, but do you really care what they think? At 49 (or any age!), do the judgements of others really affect your actions? If you can answer that with a yes then you probably shouldn’t be dating young guys.
It’s hard to wash that out of your system when you’ve had someone else telling you what to do for 25 years, but dammit, you’re a grown woman with excellent needs. Whomever you choose to love and be loved by is your business alone. Maybe there are stigmas around dating older women, but who cares?!! Your ex and your friends and even you angry son can stick it if they don’t approve!
Find love. That is the only rule.
There’s nothing that will make you feel younger and more alive than dating younger men. As long as you never let those “mommy feelings” creep in (if that’s even possible???) and you treat each other with playful respect, you might just have found your next big love affair.
Good luck in your sexy new love,