Going back to a rebound relationship

Will a guy ever go back to a rebound relationship?

The dynamics of rebound relationships

By Eve H.
(Via Facebook)

back to a rebound relationship“Hello! so I’ve been reading so many articles and talked to friends, searched high and low, and genuinely need some advice. I was hooking up with a guy for around 4 months pretty consistently and right before me he got out of a two year relationship. It was obvious we both clicked and were really into each other from the beginning. Then by the third month I finally told him I didn’t know if I could hook up with him anymore because I felt like I was starting to like him.

I hoped he would say the typical “I like you too let’s date blah blah” but instead he said something along the lines of “well if you feel that way your probably right we shouldn’t hookup, but we should definitely still hang out, I’m just not ready to go into anything right now after everything I’ve been through if you know what I mean” and from then on out for the last two months after it was a crazy battle of games with us one-upping each other through booty calls, who could ignore who, who would give in and call the other, just a bunch of drama. He would booty call me I would say fuck off and on and on the toxicity went.

Now I have stopped talking to him for a couple months and realized I was the rebound girl. I am left here in shock not understanding how I could feel a certain way with someone and them not feel the same way back but spend all this time with me and hook up with me for so long.

My big question to you is, is it possible for him when he is no longer emotionally unavailable to come back to me, the rebound girl, when he is ready to date again since we clicked so well, and try to have something more serious with me? I just don’t understand how some people say “no you were the rebound, the stepping stone for someone else” well why was I the stepping stone and why can’t he come back to me when we clicked so well and I know he was into me? That is what I just do not understand and am so mind fucked about. Guys suck.”


What is a rebound relationship?

Rebound relationships happen. They happen all the time! People get out of a failing relationship and fall directly into a new one. Most of the time, they do this without allowing themselves proper time to heal. He or she might have significant damage from the past relationship either through the plain old brutality of going through a breakup, maybe there was some kind of emotional abuse (or worse). Or maybe it’s that shattering realization that the person you just entrusted your entire future into was not very kind with this precious gift.

Things end in varying degrees of devastation and this lovely person you just met comes shambling into your life and is about to do a whole bunch of damage.

So you got a guy who’s made you the rebound? There are millions of reasons to hop directly into another relationship and, unfortunately, none of them are very valiant:

  • He’s never been alone before and doesn’t know how to deal.
  • He’s in a lot of pain and needs some loving to make him feel better.
  • He’s afraid of going back to his ex and needs something to prevent this weakness.
  • He’s trying to prove or disprove all of the awful things she said about him when they broke up.
  • He’s trying to make himself happy again but this is the only way he knows how.
  • He thinks this is the only way to make himself feel better.
  • He could just be really selfish and doesn’t really care about who he hurts.

Then fascinating little you shows up with all your cuteness and he falls into you like a teddy bear and you are more than willing to let him in.

Then things get serious! He realizes that either he or you are developing feelings and that’s the last trap he wants to find himself in! He pushes away, but he still needs you for emotional validation. And you (because you think he’s fantastic) allow him to hold on but at this new arms-length place in his life.

Can a rebound relationship ever be more?

Let me ask you a question. Is there someone in you life that you have labeled in any particular way? Maybe it’s a friend that you only tolerate because she has a boat or access to something you love. Maybe it’s a friend of the family who adores you but you only see him as a big brother. What would it take for that person to make you think differently about them? Not much, right? When the human mind comes up with a labelĀ  or classification for something in it’s life, that label tends to stick. It’s almost impossible to get someone to think of you a different way once they have made up their mind about you.

Why would he consider you girlfriend material when he gets to experience you the way you two have been getting along without any of the scary emotional attachments and obligations that come with it? You are the perfect girl right now! Sex, witty bantering, more sex, and then days or weeks of not thinking about you. Obviously, you are getting something out of this also, but you are also wanting strings attached. You want more and this makes him “punish” you by waiting longer to call the next time.

I said ALMOST impossible, right?

That’s right! there is a glimmer of hope for the girl who is the rebound girl who wants an actual relationship. Why would he possibly go back to a rebound relationship?How can you convince someone that you are actual relationship material also?

You have to show him what he’s missing. This isn’t something you can do in person either. He already knows how well you two click together and how much fun you have in each other’s presence. Now all you have to do is take it away. Take it all the way away! Once he realizes that this fun, sexy, disarming presence is completely gone from his life, his brain will start to deconstruct all of the time you spent together. This will magically make all the labels he’s given you fade away. He will start to just see you as you and not see you for the bucket he’s placed you in.

This feels impossible, I know, because you are losing a friend in the process. Plus it feels like you are just being cruel to him for not giving you what you really want. And if you really want to apply some logic to this scenario, you kinda did know what you were getting yourself into. You eventually knew about his ex and what place she held/destroyed in his life. Now is not the time to listen to excuses. Just say goodbye and wait a month or two. If he never calls back, he really didn’t care. If he does, he might come back looking through new lenses that allow him to see the full you and not just that you are his rebound relationship.

In the meantime, you are given the gift of time to make yourself even more desirable when you two finally do reconnect. Get a gym membership. Learn something new. Do whatever you can to become even more irresistible to this guy. And most of all, take care of your heart!


 

3 thoughts on “Going back to a rebound relationship

  1. Sandra

    Hi ive recently went back with my ex for third time he’s been abusive before and drinks at weekends every weekend I’m gettin fed up already what should i do

    1. tarot Post author

      So you went back to your ex for the THIRD TIME? Why did you two break up in the first place… or the second place? Has that issue been resolved? Have you both committed to being better to each other and also be better people? Getting back together really only works when both of you have significantly grown. Without it, you will only repeat the same patterns over and over until you break up for good with some serious wounds. Sandra, there is no doubt you’re in a hard place here, but are you there because it’s the best thing for both of you or are you just afraid to move on/be alone? Step one here is to LOVE YOURSELF and ask your loved self what’s best for her.

  2. Yung k

    My ex girlfriend and me has spent a whole lot of 9 months of love and crap together. After a big break up she founds her rebound, leaves him after 6 months and comes back to me.. We get together for two months, then end up fighting again and end the relationship. After a few months and in August she goes back to the rebound and they’re still together.. Can you explain to me why?
    PS everytime she saw me out, drunk or sober she would talk to me or flirt me.

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