Where do We Stand?
by Ellie
(UK)
Earlier last year I was at a gig in London and some friends of mine said that this guy noticed me. At the end of the gig I was able to briefly meet him, where he introduced himself to me properly and we chatted for a little bit before I had to catch my train home. Before I left he gave me a hug, but that was all, we didn’t exchange any information and I didn’t expect any further contact. He is from the US and it was his last night in London.
The next day I was really surprised when he’d found me on facebook and wrote me a message to ask if I would be around at the next gig in a few days which was a really long distance away, but I couldn’t go. We spoke a couple more times before he added me to his private friends and family only facebook profile.
Every now and then he would message me to ask how I was. Over the next couple of months he messaged me again to ask if I would be around in the US at any time, and again I couldn’t. Then when he had plans to come back to London for a couple days, he asked me again if I would be in town and asked if we could hang out at a gig and also spend some time away together. Since it was also going to be thanksgiving, he asked me if I would want to do something with him. As the time came closer for him to come he started flirting with me, and I completely flirted right back.
When he got to London 7 months after we first briefly met, we both hung out after the gig at some bars and just chatting over drinks with friends and there were lots of big very long hugs. Since it was late by the time the gig ended, I ended up staying with him in his hotel room. When I chose to first sleep in the other bed in the room he acted playfully offended that I wanted to sleep so far away from him, so I slept in the same bed as him.
We cuddled for a bit and watched TV before we went to sleep. When we woke up a few hours later he made a move on me, but I’m really inexperienced so I felt a little awkward and insecure at first. So he backed off and we talked about it for a bit. After, we started cuddling and kissing again and everything just gradually escalated and we ended up sleeping together.
So we spent that day together, but then he had to leave London again to go back to the US, and before he left he said he wanted to spend more time together getting to know each other next time we were in the same city. While we were together he asked me if I was okay with it because he didn’t want me to end up hating him since we live so far away from each other.
I am getting ready to move myself, and in a few weeks will be moving to Vancouver. When I told him that, the first thing he said was that that would be a lot closer to him. I also forgot to mention that I am 23, soon to be 24, and he is 35.
When he was back in the US for work he texted me just to check in and we still text each other and communicate over facebook. Lately it’s me that starts all the texting, because I admit I do miss him a lot even though we barely know each other, but he always texts me back straight away. I keep thinking about him, but I admit the reason I probably miss him so much is because we didn’t spend much time together and it’s just the idea of me and him that I miss so much. He is insanely busy lately, as he is traveling on most days to a new city for his work.
So what I’m really confused about is our relationship. Even though we’ve slept together and have agreed to get to know each other better next time we’re together again, should I just leave our relationship to how it was before and let him be the one to get in touch every now and then as well as me, instead of me texting a couple times a week? I’m just worried that if I lay off too much he’ll think I’m not into him or will get involved with someone else as he travels around a lot for his job and meets a lot of women. But I also don’t want to come across as clingy. Also is he really interested in a relationship with me? Would he really have kept contact with me for more than 7 months for just a fling? I don’t regret anything that happened, I just want to understand where we really stand. What do you think?
Our Relationship Advice to You
Long Distance Relationships…
It’s going to be difficult and maddening to be so far away from a guy you’ve had such a great connection with.
The best thing to do is to remember to keep things fun and playful (even when you are feeling uptight about it). As long as you are always showing him how great you are, he will not forget.
Don’t let the line go slack! Texting is sometimes the cowardly way out. It’s just too easy. Only use it as a “teaser.” For example: “OMG! You won’t believe what just happened to me!” Now he has to respond to get your story. You should always try to push this into a phone conversation because you can’t really know a person by text.
In the meantime, there is a great book about Loving Your Long Distance Relationship that might help. I know this might not be considered “a relationship,” but it will give you a bunch of clues on how to move things forward from far away.