I’m tempted to cheat. What should I do?”
Question Submitted by Icebox from Maryland
I am engaged to this guy I care so much about, but I’m tempted to cheat on him. I don’t feel he is connected to our relationship as much as I am.
First of all, he is very secretive with planning and with his emails, phone calls, text messages and his friends. I know this because I came across his emails and I got to know he cheated on me at least 3 times before we got engaged and we had only been dating for a year!
It took so many efforts of questioning before he actually admitted he did and apologized. Since then, he is so uncomfortable leaving his laptop or cell phone around or even checking his emails around me. He deletes all text messages on his cell phone, and leaves only text messages I send to him. He was also laid off four months ago and has started doing his own business and studying.
My point is since he is not employed by anybody, I really do not know what he does when I am at work. He is very responsible and all but he’s not being honest with me about so many things, especially his female friends. It just makes me feel stupid.
I have a 1yr old daughter with him. I have no friends to talk to because I recently moved to this country. I have known my fiancee for about 8yrs and dated 6 years ago before we got back together again. I feel lonely all the time because I have no one to be open to. I stopped sharing stuff with him because he doesn’t do the same with me. Basically, all we talk about is how to improve our finances and that’s it. We have never been out clubbing or out on a real date. There is never any connection with sex as I guess he never makes me satisfied because his attention is never on romance but just getting him satisfied. Honestly anytime we finish with it, I always feel used. There was even one time he said I was making him frustrated during sex because I couldn’t exactly ride him the way he wanted. I think our sex life is a whole new topic all together and it would be my next question.
My point is, Even if we go out to eat in a restaurant, it’s just so boring because there is nothing to talk about. I guess my question is what can I do to stop my boredom, worry and loneliness?
Sometimes I am tempted to cheat and have a boyfriend aside him but I just can’t find anyone decent enough. I am confused and it’s stressing me out. What can I do?
Is he worth keeping
Whenever you get to the point where you feel tempted to cheat on your loved one, it’s time to start asking some serious questions about how strong your relationship really is. Is it really worth saving? Some people just like a little something strange every once in awhile, otherwise, they are completely happy with their boyfriend and the relationship. But sometimes, things get really sad and depressing and you feel like you need an emotional affair to finally feel loved again.
This is a much worse situation to be in. It means you aren’t getting what you need from your relationship and it’s leading you to do things you might not otherwise ever consider. It’s time to re-examine whether he’s even worth keeping around. It’s time to start asking yourself some serious questions and honestly answering them. You need to read Should You Stay or Should You Go and actually figure out if you should keep him. It also helps you know deep down in your heart why your relationship should be saved if that’s your decision.
Either way, whether you decide to go or plan to make the relationship work, this is a commitment not only for you, but for your daughter too. If he’s gotta go, check out some great info on breaking up.
Tempted to cheat
Let’s say you read the book, decided to stay for whatever reason, and now you are back to where you were. He’s locked up emotionally and you still feel bored and unloved. Before we tell you how to cheat, can we convince you to really try to make things work with the guy you plan to marry?
The best book for this situation is Rousing the Lion. It teaches you to “train your man” to want to fight for your love. If you can make him feel like a king and a warrior who must fight to defend your honor, then you have brought him to a place no other woman has ever taken him before! Men these days have a huge problem with feeling like they have no direction. It reflects in how poorly they treat their careers, how they need sports and other distractions to give them meaning, how how little they do to make their loved ones actually feel loved.
Before you actually act on being tempted to cheat and go seek an emotional affair, make the commitment to do everything in your power to make things work.
What if you can’t leave?
How about when you feel as if you have done all you can to make things better and he just doesn’t respond to anything? You might be in a situation that you just can’t walk away from for financial, legal, or children reasons. Now what? Now you’re probably really tempted to cheat
First of all, Do NOT marry this man if you haven’t done so already. It would be ridiculous to go through all of the planning and work with full intention on betraying it as soon as you can. Can we repeat that? Do not make a bigger commitment to someone who isn’t doing everything in his power to make you feel loved! Marriage will not magically change him into Super Husband. Don’t kid yourself.
So he’s cheated on you before and he continues to do all kinds of shady things with his emails and texts (this may actually have a lot to do with your snooping). Where do you go from here? For one, you can probably bank on the fact that your guy is probably a serial cheater who might cheat on you again.
That alone doesn’t give you the right to cheat on him. What does legitimize feeling tempted to cheat is the fact that he doesn’t treat you very well. He’s boring and pretty bad at sex. Even worse, he makes you feel dirty afterwards! This is not a dream relationship the way it was described.
Still tempted to cheat? Perhaps now it’s time to check out How to Cheat and Not Get Caught. It guides you through all the things you need to know on how to keep your something on the side discreet and fun. It will also help you see all the things he does if (or when) he’s cheating on you.
Save him or dump him
Can we convince you one last time to do something about your failing relationship? Once you get to the point where you feel tempted to cheat, the relationship is in serious trouble. Since you can’t control how he feels, YOU need to do something about it. You are the only one who can fix this.
Have you done all you could to make things right? Have you given him a reason to love you? If he’s still a boring, cheating jerk, do you really need to stay with him? What example are you setting for your daughter? Will she repeat the same mistakes you are because this is her best example of a “healthy” relationship? Will she end up in the same broken relationship and end up tempted to cheat too?
Being tempted to cheat doesn’t magically make you feel better when you finally do cheat, especially if you are searching for the emotional aspect of getting another boyfriend. It’s time to really discover what you need from a relationship and deciding if your current man can ever fill those shoes.