I really like a shy guy!
Question submitted by Mary from Florida
I have been emailing a shy guy for about a year. He lives in the United Kingdom. He has told me many times he is very shy. I am not shy at all.
Just recently, he has just asked me to spend Christmas with him in the UK at his expense. He writes to me that he is very excited about the prospect of me coming for Christmas. I’m very excited too.
How does an extorvert make an introvert feel comfortable when meeting for the first time? Does this relationship even have a chance? I have really enjoyed emailing him this past year.
Help!
Social Anxiety
What is is about shy guys that’s so intriguing? A shy guy can be a complete mystery. On one hand, he’s looking over at you, on the other, he’s not coming up to talk to you. It can be very maddening to have a crush on an introvert.
First let’s start with how to get a shy man. Shyness is a very maddening issue for a lot of people. You see someone you like, but feel powerless to go up and speak to them. What if she shoots me down? What if she embarrasses me in front of all my friends? What if she kills me? Sure none of these questions are that big a deal or even rational, but this is the world of someone who battles with shyness.
If you stumbled on to this page because you are the one with a shyness problem, it’s time to get to work on yourself. There are a couple things you can do right away to conquer this. The first is a great course called Panic Away. It helps get rid of all those terrifying feelings you get in social situations. This is the best investment you can make on your future, to stop freaking out and get everything you want.
The second thing you should check out is an awesome audio course that uses little games to retrain your mind to feel better with your shyness called Shyness and Social Anxiety. If you listen to this audio series, you will end your awkwardness within a few months, that’s their guarantee! You can’t beat that!
Dealing with a shy guy
So what if you’re the one who’s into the shy guy and it’s obvious he’s not going to be making any moves any time soon? Well, sister, you have to buck up and make the first moves. Now is not the time for you to be shy either. Do you go for what you want, or do you spend the rest of your life waiting?
The best way to get things moving is to invite him along. You don’t have to make this a date. Make it something easy and casual. Let’s say, you’re on you way to get coffee or lunch, simply say, “I’m on my way out. Come with me.” The trick here is not to ask. Tell him that he’s coming with you. He might be so shy that he’ll refuse. Offer to pay if you must, but get him in a social situation with you so he can open up. Do not invite him to something where it will be you and a bunch of friends and him. This will put him into a much more awkward place than you want him in. It’s best to let him get to know you first before he gets the scrutiny of your people.
A sneakier method to getting that first “date” with him is to invite yourself along. He might talk about something he’s about to do and simply say, “Really? I’d love to come along, it sounds fascinating!” Please note that this exploits his fear of being embarrassed, so only use it as a last resort to force him into spending time with you.
Relationships with the shy guy
Now we get to your question, Mary. Can relationships with an intorvert and an extrovert work? If the old maxim, “opposites attract” hold true, then definitely. There are a few things to consider.
People who have social anxiety prefer to avoid socializing. If you’re the kind of girl who loves to go out to the clubs and gets energized by large groups of people, then a shy guy will eventually become a burden. Having said that, bashful people make great relationship material. They have a great way of creating a comfy little world where you two are the leading roles. It’s great to feel so loved.
Shy guys also need a little alone time to recharge. It’s important to not spend every moment with them so they have the opportunity to unwind. Although you might feel an overwhelming need to spend all your time with him, don’t do it. He will allow you, but give him the gift of missing you.
Introverts also tend to fall in love much quicker than most people. Perhaps he feels lucky to have you or grateful that you let him into your life, but they tend to be really loving people. If you have that “moving too fast” warning light, keep this in mind when he professes his love.
What can you do?
As will all the dating advice on this site, you have a part in this too. There are things you can do to keep such a good guy around. The first step is to be irresistible in everything you do. When you can enchant him, love is not too far off. We recommend you read the book, Rousing the Lion. It teaches you how to motivate your man to greatness. Although we know for sure that it is impossible to change someone who’s not interested in change, this really is the closest you can get.
Remember that he’s shy. There might be social situations where you’ll get upset at him for acting awkward. This is bound to happen and it won’t get better if your scold him for it. You can gently guide him towards making his life better. What if you got one or both of the courses about shyness for him for Christmas? Or maybe you just give them to him randomly by saying, “I used to be really shy too and this course helped me tremendously.”
For a shy guy, change comes with confidence. You can teach and lead him, but try to be subtle. You might need to make all of the first moves for in the beginning, but after awhile, he will understand where you are coming from and meet you at your level.
Good luck with your shy guys out there and for more information, check out, How to get him to ask you out and How to get him to open up with his feelings.