Rekindling after all these years
After deep thinking, I decided to look for somewhere to share my story not much to get advised but mostly to share. To say it out and see what your dear readers would think of it… I’ve always believed only in my way of thinking things through so I couldn’t share it with close people.
I met this guy during high school. I was 15 and he was 19. Both of us were really mature kids. We liked each other silently. He saw it in my eyes and his eyes and actions showed me too. Later it got complicated and the year after he stood in front of me and confessed that he loves me. I told him I hated him joking that way and then i left.
At that moment he didn’t seem too serious to me and sometime before that he did something that did hurt me. So me being me, even in the moment I waited for for so long, I considered my pride first. I left and we never spoke again
Three years later, I heard he left the country and went to study abroad. He met this girl and got married and had a daughter. I decided to come to peace with my own self and let him go from my memory and wish him the best… and so I did. I left the country too, went looking for adventure, new experiences and mostly love.
I got a boyfriend and it turned out to be the worst experience of my life. I made my self believe i was over my ex, and that I’m totally into this guy. So I changed to this sad faced girl that can’t feel her soul anymore I tried to forget who I was and became like all these normal people. I lost my identity. After screwing up my life and another persons life, I decided to get out of there and that’s only after i got pregnant and this guy proposed. I finally got a slap on my face that awoke me, but my soul was already lost so far and the way to reach it again looked so far away… but I remembered my ex and I said if I ever meet him again, how embarrassed I will be and disappointed he will be looking at his first love and what she is now. I had an abortion and broke up with the guy that i never matched with. I never wanted him from the beginning. He can never be the one i would wanna be with for the rest of my life, and hell no, not the father of my child.
I started working on me and getting back to who i was and even a better version of me. It took me 2 years and still going on now, but I am already in a very advanced place now. I’ve been single all these years. I rejected everyone who even tries to get to know me. I never felt more alone more than now, but all this happened because I did tell myself the truth that I was always afraid to face: I am the kind of person who falls in love once in her lifetime… no matter who I meet, better guys, successful ones. My ex will be the best version of the man i wanna grow old with.
It’s been 10 years now, and the feelings i had for him are still there, very protected in the deep of my heart and BRAIN. Recently, I heard news of him after 7 years of not knowing a thing. Just when i thought i will never ever be able to see him again (I believe in telepathy so maybe it is), or maybe just that old connection we had. I starter to feel it strongly again, it gave me hope again, that i didn’t know if i should hold on to it.
A friend of mine told me his facebook page: divorced, not a sign of his wife around, living his life alone. It’s all i could understand from some few comments and pictures i could get access to it without having him in my friend list. It’s been 6 months that I know of his facebook. Everyday, that damn message calls me so much I have to click on it. Maybe I can write a “hello” or just write “I love you. I always did and always will and i could never forget about you.” But am afraid. This is the only way i have that brings me close to him. If he doesn’t wanna hear from me, I will have to accept it and move on and i will never know of him again.
Maybe that’s better so i can finally close this page of my life. I know am not ready now and am not the person he once admired. I am still working on myself, but ugghhhhh! As much as i love this technology, I don’t want a facebook message to be the thing we share after 10 years, Neither one of us is the talking type and i believe if i just get to see his eyes again and he sees mine, we will know where we both stand.
How do you guys see this???
Our Relationship Advice to You
What are you waiting for?!!
You’ve determined that you will only love one man the rest of your life. You found him and it appears as if he’s single. Why are you wasting another day not finding out if he feels the same about you?!!
What’s the worst thing that can happen? Actually nothing! You might have though it would be that he doesn’t want to talk to you, but even that is a good thing! Let’s say he has no interest in rekindling after all these years. What do you do now? MOVE ON! You met this guy when you were 15? And you’ll never love another?! Do you honestly believe that at 15 you had the wisdom to determine this man was the best thing you’ll ever know?
There’s only one way to find out! Message him. It doesn’t matter if it’s just a Facebook message. If he’s missing you too, then he will be overjoyed by whatever method you use to contact him. Don’t waste another second of your life pining away for “something that might have been” when you can find out TODAY whether your heart was right all along or if you simply created a god out of a kid you used to know.
The only thing you’ll ever regret in this life is something you were too afraid to do.