Pregnant and Heartbroken
by Shana, 22
(Oregon, USA)
Hi Im 22 yrs. old and 2 months pregnant. I was with my ex (the father) for 11 months. For the first 8 months we had some financial problems, but other than that our relationship was a reasonably happy one. Then serious problems developed in our relationship to the point where we fought so bad it became physical a few times (i blew up and hit him and he pushed me down). It was emotionally traumatic for me. I cut myself, cried and felt suicidal at one point.
I tried to work out our problems with him many times, but I felt I could not communicate with him no matter what I said or how reasonable I was about it. Sometimes he was VERY kind and loving (obviously, or I wouldn’t be pregnant.) Other times he ignored and neglected me.
I couldn’t take the constant emotional upheaval and the frustration of not being able to fix things between us, especially being pregnant. So I left him, for our baby’s health, knowing I would probably lose him.
I am keeping my baby regardless of all this, I love this baby with all my heart even though she/he’s still tiny. I would really really like to have a civil co-parenthood with my ex so our baby can have the two parents that she/he deserves. My ex told me when we found out I’m pregnant that he would be there for us, but doesn’t contact me to see how I’m doing. I don’t know what to do or what approach I should take to try and establish some kind of peace between us.
If there is anyone who may have insight or advice? Please offer your thoughts. Thanks.
Our Breakup Advice for You
Your baby is going to love you SO MUCH!
You are not alone. I’ve had more than a couple friends in the same situation. I’ve watched them all spend months of their pregnancy trying to make the dad/ex want to be involved. It hardly ever works. The dad never asks or attends a single ultrasound.
The best thing I can tell you is not to have any expectations to set yourself up for disappointment. I am proud of your decision to leave, given that the situation wasn’t healthy for anyone involved. They tell me that once u have the child, nothing else will matter. You won’t be pregnant and heartbroken for long. It’s hard to imagine since you are still waiting for that moment. Plus the hormones don’t help the healing process much.