How do I get good at online relationships? I’m new to this whole thing!”
Online relationships are pretty new things themselves. Essentially, we’re all newbies.
You can meet a guy online, learn about each other, talk on the phone and fall in love all without ever meeting each other. In fact, you hear about it all the time. Person A lives in Florida and meets Person B in Oregon. They chat for a month. Person B flies to Florida. They meet in person. And BAM! They get married and live happily ever after.
There’s a reason people like this get on the news. It’s because it actually happens so rarely. Not only that, no one ever follows up a year or three later to see if the romance has endured. Of course, there always is that chance that the guy on the other end of the line is exactly who he says he is, but the Internet provides everyone with the ability to be whomever they say they are. In the real world, they can’t all be astronaut cowboys?
To be blunt, there is no replacement for one-on-one prolonged interaction. The Internet makes it possible to fall deeply in love with someone’s mind. Online relationships are awesome because you really get to fall for the way someone can write. But when given enough time to think about what you’re going to write, we all sound like geniuses or love struck poets.
Online relationships should be fun
Our advice for dealing with online relationships is to keep it light. It’s fun to have deep emotional conversations with someone you’ve never met in person because you are anonymous. It’s easy to let your guard down and let someone crawl in and learn all your deepest secrets. The next step is to fall in love. We feel that the investment in time and the fact that we’ve “never told this to anyone else in the world” equal a deep trust and affection.
Slow down, Cowgirl!
Take these Internet relationships at face value. Without ever meeting the person face-to-face, you might be falling in love with someone who isn’t even the person in the picture.
Really get to know him
Ask a lot of questions! But avoid the common boring ones. All of the “what do you drive” questions can wait. When you ask really deep and interesting questions, you not only get to find out really interesting things about your prospective man, but you make him understand how deep and interesting you are. That is why we recommend Michael Webb’s awesome ebook, 1000 Questions for Couples.Seriously, you got time, you might as well really get to know each other. That way if this actually turns from and online relationship into a real relationship, you’ll be way ahead of everyone else because you’ll know so much about each other.
Don’t wait forever for the in-person meeting.
The longer you wait (or the longer he makes you wait) the fishier it gets. The Internet provides people an opportunity to hide their real selves. If he doesn’t want to meet or keeps pushing it back, the less likely he’s the guy in the photo.
Speaking of which: did you get his picture? Have you talked on the phone? Has he texted a picture of himself from his phone? This one in particular is a pretty good verification that he at least looks like his picture.
Try to bring things into the real world as soon as possible. If he lives in your area, even sooner. You can have your online romance even after you’ve sat across a table from him, sipping on your mocha. Essentially, you have to allow the natural instincts in your body a chance to size him up too.
How tall is he in relation to you? Does he have a confident posture? Is he clean? What does he smell like? How is he dressed? Is he part of (or can he fit in with) the “style” of friends you have? How does that first hug feel? Can you just melt in his arms or is it stiff and awkward. What do his lips taste like? These are things your body needs to know! Don’t forget to give your senses a chance to decide too.
Things tend to change…
The sad part is that after that first meeting, the online relationship changes to a cellphone and in-person relationship. If he writes really beautifully, then you might miss that side of him.
How do you not lose this part of such a perfect beginning? Simply say it! No man would be offended to hear, “I love the way you write. Let’s make a promise right now that we send emails to each other at least once a week.” If you really want to be super-adorable, see if he’ll agree to do these letters by regular mail. Awesome!
When is the last time you got a hand-written love letter in the mail?
There are ways to keep that magic that you both built online. You just have to demand it and you have to be diligent yourself about holding onto the things you love most about online relationships. If you’re really feeling frisky, there is a great book called, Long Distance Lovemaking that will really bring two people together!
The next step
You might decide that all you really need is this online romance. If he’s fine with that and never presses to meet you then that might be perfect. Most likely though, he’s going to want to meet you in person eventually. It’s not very fair to leave a guy hanging like that anyway.
What if you’ve had your online relationship for awhile and then finally meet and there is no “spark?” This is a pretty good possibility, but you can have better chances by having as much other interaction with him as possible. Exchanging recent pictures, talking on the phone, webcam chatting, and yes, sending letters by snail mail (if he gets weird about giving out his address, he might have a wife or girlfriend).
If after all this, the in-person meeting is flat and awkward, then you have to cut your losses. It wasn’t meant to be. Another great reason to make a online relationships real relationships as soon as possible. It’s a lot easier to walk away when you haven’t invested six months of your life to a ghost or even worse, a liar.
Online relationships are a blast! you really get to know someone and you have all of the mystery as to who they really are. Sometimes the questions are much more interesting than the answers. It’s best to approach your online love affair with a grain of salt and go into it deciding to have as much fun as you can.
Don’t be afraid of meeting men online. There’s a lot of great guys out there who are looking for you right now!