My First Love Loves Alcohol
by Ashley
(Massachusetts)
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years and he is my first love. I’ve known him since I was 18 and I’m 21 now. He’s 25 now.
We have been through A LOT. He almost was killed in an instant with me right beside him and I almost lost him forever. Since that occurrence, he has horrible anger issues when he drinks. He becomes absolutely mean and horrible and scares me. He’s never hit me or anything but he gets pushy and scary. (He hasn’t seen anyone about this and doesn’t seem like he will.)
He always claims he will stop drinking but never actually does. His father is an alcoholic and I’m worried he is going to become one as well. These drunk angry occurrences happen all the time. He gets drunk maybe twice a week so he’s not a raging alcoholic but on the weekends he gets kind of crazy (…keep in mind we’re just young and going to bars not like a old drunk in his home or anything.)
I feel like I can’t deal with it anymore. The problem is that I love him to death. He is my first love and I can’t possibly imagine loving and relating to someone the way we do. I truly feel like we have something special, I just don’t have the capacity to break up with him whenever he does these things even though I always threaten it when he does it again. I just can’t imagine being alone and seeing him with someone else.
He has such a good heart. I can’t stress that enough he’s such a good guy. The drinking just makes him insane. I really don’t know what to do because I love him so much. I’m worried he will become an alcoholic and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with one. Please help.
Our Breakup Advice for You
Alcoholic Enabler
The problem here is that he will NEVER have the reason to get better because he knows deep down that you will never leave him.
You said yourself that you are resigning to a lifetime with an angry alcoholic.
When do people change? I mean a real-deep-down-make-it-inevitable change. ONLY when they hit bottom. He will never see bottom as long as you are there to support him.
I hate to say it because it sounds cliche, but girl, you are an enabler. Just the simple fact that you are there is an agreement between the both of you that what he is doing is perfectly fine.
He has to see the pit of dispair before he’ll look into the mirror and actually see himself for who he has become.
You have to let him go so he can free himself… or fall deeper into his disease. There is nothing you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to be saved other than letting him know how serious you really are.
Don’t let him destroy your life in the process of destroying his own. Good luck. I really hope you can turn things around!