I Just Hate Myself
by Hannah
(Pcb)
I had been sleeping with a guy for 8 months, and always wanted a relationship with him. He was a pretty well-known bachelor and told me repeatedly he liked the way things were going.
Around the time of my birthday, a guy from work saw me out one night and told me that I was beautiful and he wanted to be with me. We were both drunk and ended up going home together that night.
Little did I know that the guy I had been sleeping with would step up on my birthday and make it official that we were together. Of course I didn’t tell him about the other guy, because I had waited so long to have a relationship with him and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Well, a month went by and people started running their mouths, and he found out. He was so angry, all I could do was to beg him to stay and it would never happen again. I told him I never knew he even had feelings for me until then. We finally worked things out, and finally after 4 months, things were great.
Around this time I also was in a friend’s wedding and met a guy who I just hit it off with instantly. We got along great, and we both knew we had a thing for each other without words. So we spent the next month chatting on the computer. The conversation turned dirty once, but I told him I felt bad about that and we should stop because I loved my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him.
I had made plans to meet up with him once just to hang out, but he canceled and I was glad because I was starting to back out.
My boyfriend decided to go through my phone and check my messages tonight and found all of it. I now feel like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth. He was giving me this second chance to prove to him he could trust me, and I threw it away. I do live him and I want to do all I can to be there for him, I just hate myself so bad for getting myself wrapped up in another guy, who now means absolutely means nothing to me.
Our Relationship Advice to You
Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
That first time wasn’t your fault. He wanted to keep things casual so you had some casual fun yourself.
The second time, you were only flirting, so no harm no foul. Unfortunately, guys don’t always see it like this.
So is he gone? Are you guys gonna try to work it out? Beyond guilt, how do you really feel about this? You might think about reading the book, Should I Stay or Should I Go. It asks all of the questions you’ve never thought about to see why you feel like looking outside your relationship for validation.
…or you could just be a flirt. In this case, just be up front with the next guy and tell him right away that you are seeing other people. This way he’ll know what to expect. There’s a great article on open relationships that you should check out.
Good luck, girl!