Do I Tell him I Cheated?
By Milly, 31
(Grand Rapids, MI)
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years and we’ve been best friends for nearly 5. He means the absolute world to me and I love him so much. We usually get along really well and he makes me happy. I never thought I could cheat on him, but recently I’ve been proved wrong. Do I tell him I cheated?
There’s a guy at my work who I have been hanging out with recently. The other night we went out for dinner and for a few drinks and ended up back at his place. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I feel so guilty as my boyfriend has no clue and there’s no way I can tell him. I know how selfish that is, but if I told him I would lose him and I don’t want that to happen.
I regretted immediately and wish I could tell my boyfriend but I’m being a coward. I’m not interested in the guy at my work like that anymore. Cheating has made me realize how much I care for my boyfriend and how horrible a girlfriend I have been especially as he doesn’t have a clue.
I feel awful about this now. Maybe I’ll tell my boyfriend one day, but for the moment I’m focusing on just trying to forget about it and never do it again.
If I do tell, I hope he can forgive me… He doesn’t deserve me though.. He deserves so much better.
The way I see it is, it’s done now. I can’t change it. If I’m not going to tell him, I need to try and forget about it and move on. I am incredibly sorry though and will never ever ever cheat on him again.
Our Advice to You
Honesty is Necessary
Is this truly a one-time event or have you done similar things in the past? If you tell him, will this be the end of your relationship? The problem with being honest, especially when it comes to infidelity, is that it will put a permanent stain on your relationship. He might never be able to get the images out of his head. Not to mention you still might be working with this other man. Your boyfriend will never feel safe every time you leave for work.
This is such a hard question to answer because we have no idea if you want to stay in this relationship or how he would react to the news. Then there’s all of the guilt you will have to live with…
Honesty is necessary to build, or re-build, a relationship. Overcoming infidelity is possible, but it will take a lot of work on both of your parts. You should definitely check out our article on how to apologize. I truly hope you can work through it.