Why do Players act the way they do?

When we think of a “player” we generally think of them as being cool and confident. Nothing seems like it could stir such a person because they are just so confident in themselves. The reality however is that just like faces in clouds are just an illusion, the idea of players as being cool and confident people is also an illusion.

A convincing illusion… but an illusion none-the-less.

The psychologist Jed Diamond, author of “The Irritable Male,” says that despite this illusion of confidence, players “are very insecure about their lovability”. It turns out that more often than not, the over-attempt to appear confident and strong by players …is actually a compensatory measure for other problems lurking under the surface.

Let’s now take a look at what these problems can be…

5 Things Every Player Doesn’t Want You To Know About Them

1. Addictive Character: Nando Pelsui, psychologist, says “Anything intermittent has an addictive quality for humans”. Pelsui applies this principal to how the mind of a player works. Even the best of players can’t get a woman every single time they try. When they will next bed a woman is not certain and could happen at any time. This sets up playing around as a “game” in the mind of a player …and games can be addictive. The problem is that if you are a players next woman, you are only ONE woman. You are just ONE way for the player to get his fix for his addiction before he will inevitably go looking for another fix from some other woman.
2. Seeking Acceptance: Psychologist Jed Diamond says that guys who like to play around often are the product of a single parent family where the father absconded and left. This absence of a parent can have the effect on some people of making them feel they were not accepted by that parent. People will often look for ways to compensate for this and make themselves feel accepted. Some people become love addicts, others become players. Sleeping with lots of different women becomes a method of getting acceptance. Players therefore are often subconsciously only looking for acceptance rather than a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
3. Compensating For Insecurities: Psychologists state that the more obsessed someone becomes about a certain thing or activity, the likelihood is that they are using that thing to compensate for some other area of their life that is lacking. For example, the more obsessed someone is with work and working long hours …the higher the likelihood is that person is trying to hide from a relationship situation at home, lack of social life outside work or some other unknown factor. Players are no different. The more eager a player is to sleep with lots of women, you can be guaranteed that guy is trying to cover over some insecurity in their life. They may have an insecurity with their looks, their education level or their career etc. The problem is that a relationship based on one person using the other to compensate for insecurities is not a healthy relationship.
4. Stuck In A Past Relationship: One of the reasons that a player can jump from one woman to another is because they don’t tend to get as emotionally tied to a person they are dating like most people do. Why is that? Are they monsters? Often the reality is that a player was once madly in love with a woman, that relationship ended for someone reason …and the player never got over it. They are still in love with that woman from their past. This is why years later they find it difficult to get to like someone new – they are still thinking of their old flame. The reality here is that it is never a good idea to begin a relationship with a guy who is still in love with an ex from their past.
5. Trying To Fill A Void: Everyone tries to make themselves feel worthy in some shape or fashion. Some work hard on getting a good career, meeting good friends, having a good family life …and this makes them feel satisfied in life. However, some people feel worthless and empty no matter what they do in life. There is a constant emptiness inside them. So what can these types of people do to relieve their emptiness? Randi Kreger, author of “Walking On Eggshells” says that people who suffer from chronic emptiness tend not to seek out intimacy …but instead seek out “compliments, admiration and respect”. They tend to look for quick fixes …rather than long term solutions that actually work. Players fall into this category. Players often think quick fixes will fill up their emptiness and often can’t see that a better fix would be a stable long-term relationship.

 Now, while it is possible to make a player fall in love with you (and settle down) the reality is that to do so, you have to successfully overcome a whole host of potential problems lurking in their psyche. And unless you are a psychologist (and a good one at that) you can never be completely sure that you have identified every single potential issue this guy has AND successfully helped him overcome it. It may not be until you find out he has cheated on you that you realize …you missed something in his psyche that you hadn’t taken into account.