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Overseas Flame

Overseas Flame

dating and relationshipsby Meg
(New York)

I was abroad in London recently and I met someone. He hit on me first, and then we flirted back and forth. We even went out to a pub and went Dutch.

He gave me his email and Facebook information, so we could stay in touch. I emailed him the day after I came home (Sunday) and its now Thursday and I’ve heard nothing.

I know he’s working on a couple of different projects right now (he’s a musician and does sound design), but I am paranoid that he is not even interested in being my friend. What should I do?


Our Long Distance Advice for You

You’re not there
by: Stephanie

It’s so hard to keep a guy attracted to you when you live a million miles away and there is no clear time when you’ll ever see each other again.

Why would he just want to be friends when he has all of his friends right there in front of him? You might have a chance to foster a friendship, but that’s really up to what intentions he had for you to begin with.

If he’s interested in communicating, then he’s probably a solid guy. If no, then he was simply out to score with an American girl and really had no other use for you.

If you are able to get things sparked again, there is a great book about long distance relationships that will help you keep things fun and interesting and also keep things moving forward (if he’s worth it).

Don’t be too pushy though. If you want to spark things up again, just leave the message, “Oh my God! You won’t believe what happened to me today! Give me a call/text/email.” and leave it at that. If he gets back, keeps things fun and he’ll remember how cool you are.


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Unanswered Questions

Unanswered Questions

by Anonymous

dating and relationshipsMy relationship of almost four years just ended. We started dating when I was 18. He was my first boyfriend and 1st everything else… Lets just say I started the opposite of most people… with flings and fun until I finally decided I was old enough to be in a relationship.

Long story short, I thought we had a gr8 relationship we talked pretty much about everything and we were very honest with each other

…until i recently found out that i was the only one that had been honest.
I lent him my spare cellphone some time this year and when he got his fixed, he returned mine. My normal cellphone got messed up three weeks ago so i got my spare cellphone and started going through my inbox to see whose numbers were whose as not all were appearing in the contact list. That’s when i got the shock of my life and found all these suggestive text messages to a number I didn’t know. I instantly new he had been cheating…

When he came over, I checked his cellphone and found a name for the foreign number. I confronted him, he denied it and denied it saying he’s not that kind of guy and he would never hurt me like that. They were just friends… They had developed feelings for each other but nothing happened because he came to his senses.

I bought it but I had my doubts so I asked him if I called her would she tell me that? He said there was no point to that, it was immature and childish but yes she would confirm his story.

So I dropped it but couldn’t… The next day, I called the number. The chick said they had been in an open relationship from beginning of this year and didn’t know that he even had a girlfriend. She then later changed her story n said she was his girlfriend and had been dating him for two years. I also found out that my boyfriend and his family had moved out of their previous home end of last year and he hadn’t told me. He just kept saying they were moving but not yet. I live alone in case you were wondering, so we always met there.

I called him to tell him that it was over. He got so defensive and angry. The next morning, he finally admitted he had been cheating and lying. Then he blames me for disclosing personal info about his family to this chick and that I had no right. He said there was nothing more we could do because the damage had been done and he couldn’t forgive me.

It has now been two weeks and he hasn’t called or bothered to apologize about anything. I am mad because he was the one who was dishonest and unfaithful but he changed the tables and blamed it on me instead of taking responsibility for what he did. I did nothing wrong but he’s acting the victim by making me feel guilty for finding out what i did…

So now I am just wondering what our relationship was, if it was real… why he cheated and kept staying with me. Should I call him to get the closure I need to move on? Or do I just let it go? After all that time together, I thought that our relationship deserved a respectable end. I feel like he has gotten away with so much and there is nothing i can do about it.


Our Relationship Advice for You

I don’t know about this…
by: Roberto

So he moved a year ago and you didn’t know about it?!!

How did this happen? Because you let it! How could you not know something as fundamental as to where he lives? Sure you always met at your place, but in that entire time (over a year), you never once went over to his place?

When a guy doesn’t include you in on the normal things in his life, then I’m sorry to tell you this, but he thinks of you as a booty call. Do you know any of his friends? Did you guys go out in public to hang out with them? Have you met his family?

All of this is completely normal stuff that happens in normal relationships. If you don’t do any of this, then you are by definition, a booty call.

You might feel you had a lot more, but without being brought into his life in a significant way, everything you shared was based on sex and nothing else.

I’m sorry to tell you all of this, but this is how guys think…

If you want more proof, read this article on Am I a Booty Call?


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I Just Hate Myself

I Just Hate Myself

by Hannah

dating and relationshipsI had been sleeping with a guy for 8 months, and always wanted a relationship with him. He was a pretty well-known bachelor and told me repeatedly he liked the way things were going.

Around the time of my birthday, a guy from work saw me out one night and told me that I was beautiful and he wanted to be with me. We were both drunk and ended up going home together that night.

Little did I know that the guy I had been sleeping with would step up on my birthday and make it official that we were together. Of course I didn’t tell him about the other guy, because I had waited so long to have a relationship with him and I didn’t want to ruin it.

Well, a month went by and people started running their mouths, and he found out. He was so angry, all I could do was to beg him to stay and it would never happen again. I told him I never knew he even had feelings for me until then. We finally worked things out, and finally after 4 months, things were great.

Around this time I also was in a friend’s wedding and met a guy who I just hit it off with instantly. We got along great, and we both knew we had a thing for each other without words. So we spent the next month chatting on the computer. The conversation turned dirty once, but I told him I felt bad about that and we should stop because I loved my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him.

I had made plans to meet up with him once just to hang out, but he canceled and I was glad because I was starting to back out.

My boyfriend decided to go through my phone and check my messages tonight and found all of it. I now feel like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth. He was giving me this second chance to prove to him he could trust me, and I threw it away. I do live him and I want to do all I can to be there for him, I just hate myself so bad for getting myself wrapped up in another guy, who now means absolutely means nothing to me.


Our Relationship Advice to You

Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
by: Stephanie

That first time wasn’t your fault. He wanted to keep things casual so you had some casual fun yourself.

The second time, you were only flirting, so no harm no foul. Unfortunately, guys don’t always see it like this.

So is he gone? Are you guys gonna try to work it out? Beyond guilt, how do you really feel about this? You might think about reading the book, Should I Stay or Should I Go. It asks all of the questions you’ve never thought about to see why you feel like looking outside your relationship for validation.

…or you could just be a flirt. In this case, just be up front with the next guy and tell him right away that you are seeing other people. This way he’ll know what to expect. There’s a great article on open relationships that you should check out.

Good luck, girl!


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I am the cheater who then got cheated

I am the cheater who then got cheated

By: Anonymous, 29

Before everyone hates me, here my story…

dating and relationshipsI met my husband at school. We got married, had two kids, all seemed normal. But i never had that heart pounding love feeling so many talk about. My husband and i are best friends and that was enough… i thought.

I was only married 3 yrs when i started to work with this guy. As soon as i saw him, i felt that heart pounding. When we spoke at work, i got all tongue tied and he was always in my thoughts.

He was married for 4 yrs. We worked together for nearly 10 yrs as just work colleagues nothing more. I never said how i felt. Then one day he started talking to me on a more personal note and i realized he felt the same.

An affair started. We both cried over it that it was wrong. He had children too and we didn’t want to hurt our kids. I found this really difficult… yes it sounds sordid but i was in love totally and we did silly things. He made me feel how only I imagined loving someone made you feel.

It lasted 6 years. i hated the cheating i left my husband twice. the other man kept telling me to go back to my husband because he didn’t want to be the cause of wrecking a family. So I did..

Being the other woman isn’t all fun and games. Its hard. I had to hear about presents he was buying for his wife, holidays they were going on, and know that i was only on the side of his life that no one knew about. (not trying for the “poor me” vote, just a mistress can be miserable too)

Yet i couldn’t bear to lose him. I told lies. I used my girlfriend as a cover when spending time with him. All of which i am ashamed i did. but i love him. then i wanted him to make a choice..i became soo possessive of him and he wasn’t mine, i tried to end it but couldn’t. Then he started to notice someone else at work and flirting… i asked him he denied it.

Then he phoned me one day and said that i was right. We should cool our relationship but asked to still be close friends and we would talk every night before bed and he asked that that still continued. Like a fool i said yes but the stress of watching him with the the other girl in the office and knowing that he also still had his wife and me still loving him and wondering if he still felt the same became too much. I told him all was finished… my heart is broke.

I loved this man. I lied to my husband who, through it all, still loves me and i have so much to make up for. My husband knows i was never in love with him as i was honest with him about that but maybe i have what love is mixed up. I may never feel how this man made me feel again but love has to be past the physical side. My husband has shown me that love is best friends… love is something that no matter what is thrown at it, you can get through it. And that its someone you can trust and depend on always being there.

I made a mistake and i turned into someone i never thought i would. I think there are two types of cheats: one that just doest it for a ego boost with no real feelings, and the others are ones that get lost in a fantasy not seeing the hurt and pain. They feel its real and it will all work out one day. Very few get it to be real. If they do run off into the sunset, there is always the hurt and devastation that’s left behind. No one wins.

I am the cheater who then got cheated.. and the pain in my chest is like “ripping your heart out with a spoon.” For those thinking of cheating, ask yourselves why. Then take my advice: it only brings heartache and you do well to walk away. My love for my husband is growing stronger and i will never abuse his love for me again or take what we have for granted.

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My Anxiety

My Anxiety

by Sandra
(Toronto, Ontario, Canada)

dating and relationshipsSo my ex bf and I dated for about 8 months. We got along:). Recently I messaged him and asked him if everything was OK, if he was upset at me because we haven’t hung out in a week and usually he asks me to hang out on my days off. He didn’t respond for a couple hours, so I messaged him back saying maybe you’re busy but u didn’t respond to my last message. He then replied, “I was walking…”

Hours later, I told him that I feel like he was ignoring my question and that I was dealing with some anxiety. I asked if he could please respond (I have some anxiety and he knew that). He replied back, “I will and I noticed your anxiety is worse following drinking.” The night before, I had more than a few drinks.

So the next day I’m like, “Look I have a lot of anxiety about this and I want to feel better. Its making me upset that u won’t answer my question. Maybe you’re busy but if u could find some time to talk to me.” He messaged back saying he just got out of this career meeting and he was going to meet up with this friend for coffee. I felt like he was still ignoring me and my question.

The next day I told him that my anxiety is bad and all I wanted is an answer from him and I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t answer it and I told him I felt hurt. He responded a while later, “I am with Paige. We just finished skating. I just need some time to deal with my own shit. I am going to discuss wt u I am just focusing on some stuff. I have things that need attention as well.”

I responded, “I feel like u don’t care. All I wanted is some of your time to talk. I don’t need attention from u. I just wanted to talk. I respect that u have your own to focus on, but if u can’t give me 5 mins of your time then this relationship isn’t going to work. I told u I was hurt and its like u doesn’t care. I want my bf to care but obviously u don’t. So if u don’t have time or whatever to discuss stuff with me today, then I am going to have to break up with u. 🙁 I really don’t want to but I need to talk to u. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just extremely stressed out.”

He didn’t respond for more than a few hours. He has a cell phone that he always has on him so he gets the messages right away. Then I sent him a message, “Hey u didn’t respond to my last message, I don’t know what to do I’m really not doing good. I don’t know what to do with myself because I don’t know what you’re thinking of me and of what I said. I like u and I hate having anxiety. Maybe I’m thinking the worst but since u didn’t reply does that mean that u don’t want to talk today or go out with me anymore? Honestly, maybe I am being a little crazy to u. I don’t know but its cause I can’t eat and I don’t feel good so maybe I’m not thinking straight.”

No response for hours again. Then I said, “I’m sorry I said I may break up with you if u don’t talk to me. It’s only because I need to talk to u because I am sooo stresses out. I thought that if u don’t want to talk then u don’t care or u don’t want to go out with me. I’m not gonna break up with you cause I like u and you’re a nice guy. I’m just anxious to speak with you and you’re not responding. And now I’m thinking you’re really mad because u didn’t pick up the phone or respond to my messages. Please just message me back and let me know if u still want to date me or not? If you’re busy could u fine some time to message me cause I can’t stop crying and feeling like shit and I need to know what you’re thinking about this. Thanks.”

No response again… Then I responded again (I kept doing this because my anxiety was really bad and I needed to talk to him to know what’s going on), “Could u PLEASE message me back and let me know if u want to still be with me or not or if u need space or whatever??? Please I’m begging u!! I’ll never message u again if u don’t want to go out with me I just need to know instead of wondering.

Again no response

I sent him a message the next day, “OK I feel like I’m annoying u and I think that u must think I’m crazy but I need to talk to u really bad. My anxiety is getting reallllly bad. I can barely eat or sleep and I can’t work. My anxiety is doing this to me and I don’t know how to feel better. Please respond or call me and tell me what’s going on Maybe u don’t get it maybe u do, but I need a response. Not knowing is what’s killing me. Please Scott. This may sound desperate but I want this stress to go away. I really don’t know what else to say to make u talk to me. If u don’t respond soon I’m really gonna think u must think I’m some crazy bitch and that u want nothing to do with me.”

Then he responded, “Please calm down. I need some time to myself and am doing lots of stuff for my kids too.”

I didn’t message him or call him for a week. He deleted me off of his FaceBook so to me that’s a sign he’s breaking up with me. I’m really hurt, I don’t love him, I’m just hurt and surprised…is there something wrong with me???


Our Love Advice to You

Fix Your Anxiety Problems
by: Samantha

Sandra, there are a lot of issues here that need to be addressed. First of all, there is no doubt that this guy is a total jerk for letting you freak out for so long, but that does not excuse your scary behavior.

It’s cool to see your husband/boyfriend/lover as your rock that keeps you solid and help you through tough times, but it sounds like you have an anxiety issue that is long-standing and pretty consistent. It’s really not fair to turn your boyfriend into your counselor.

He signed on for you when you were your most cute and lovable. You should keep this job title for as long as you possibly can! Your issues are just that: your issues. The people you bring into your life should be capable of helping you in times of need, but should not be responsible for any part of your happiness. That is entirely your job.

So now what?

Get a handle on your anxiety problems right away! There is no reason for you to show up to a relationship with a truckfull of “issues” and expect that you deserve to have them all accepted.

There is a system called Panic Away that helped my friend, Gina, get through a similar situation. Although, like you, Gina also ended up getting dumped, she worked through her anxiety issues and was whole enough to seduce (and keep) the man she ended up marrying three months ago.

You will ALWAYS keep running men into the ground with your anxiety problems unless you do something right away to find peace. You owe it to your future love and most importantly, you owe it to yourself to get better!


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Bad Mistake

Bad Mistake

dating and relationshipsby Chad

My first girlfriend, Taylor, and I dated for over 8 months. During the 8th month of our relationship, a lot of stuff happened. My grandparents died in a car accident, my mom started drinking again (she is a recovering alcoholic), and Taylor decided at this point she wanted more from our relationship, which I didn’t.

First, it was alright.. She was here for me, over at my house all the time, and if things got bad with my mom, she’d go for a drive with me, and we’d talk about everything. One night, though, when we went out with our two friends (one was her best friend), she told me that if I didn’t give her more, and start being happier and being a better boyfriend, she’d break up with me.

I got super angry at her, and got mad at her (with our two friends there, oops), and caused a pretty big scene. Before I left, I made a point of making out with her best friend and telling her that I never had feelings for her, and then we broke up.

I do feel bad and I made a bad mistake, but I think I had an excuse for “not being a good boyfriend.”


Our Dating Advice to You

by: Sarah

Dear Chad

It is great that you are taking a look at your own behavior.

I am guessing that you are quite young. Maturity comes with age. You were obviously undergoing a tremendous amount of emotional stress and this may have caused you to act in an undesirable way. The good thing is that you realize your own mistake.

There is always hope for you as long as you are willing to admit your mistakes. That is how a person grows.


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Painful Breakup

Painful Breakup

dating and relationshipsby Soniya

It was my first time…

I was seriously in love with my angel. We met when we were in 11th grade. At first, I started liking him, but soon this liking turned into love. We both were deeply in love with each other and had a great 2.5 year relationship.

We were really happy. I was feeling like I was in heaven. Like god had sent an angel to me. Eventually, things turned bad. After some days of happiness we started fighitng with or without reasons. We both were no longer able to understand each others needs and wants.

The hell came when he broke up with me. I was not able to understand why? He said he really loved me. I begged him. I cried in front of him but it all turned to be hell.

I can now say I am single again but with experience…


Our Breakup Advice to You

Don’t fear break ups
by: Sarah

I’m really sorry this happened to you, but you don’t have to go through this painful breakup without help. I found this site really useful.

It helps you to understand why a guy does something and acts a certain way. It’s based on the book by John Gray ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’. Hope it helps you and I wish you luck in love in the future. Never give up on love!


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Now I Compare to Other Girls

Now I Compare to Other Girls

by Victoria
(Washington D.C.)

dating and relationshipsMy boyfriend I have been dating for 2 and a half years. He was my first kiss, first love, first everything.

Up until last night, everything was going so good. I started my junior year of high school this year. He went away to college in Texas. We survived the long distance for 8 months now.

Last night’s call was so great. He kept saying how he wasn’t a good boyfriend which I should have seen as a sign. But no, I kept telling him, he’s perfect for me, he’s an amazing boyfriend, and I love him with everything I have, and our future together is going to be incredible.

I kept reassuring how I feel about him, but the moment he said, “I don’t know what I want in my future anymore,” I knew it.

We talked about it more and I told him I understand that it’s a lot to take on, but deep inside i wanted to just hang up and break down. As I was hiding away tears, I told him that he can figure out what he needs in life, whether it’s me or not.

I just asked him one final question, why? He told me that since we been apart for so long, he doesn’t just see ME anymore, like I just see HIM. He said that a lot of girls at his college possess the same traits and characteristics as me, but all in all, I couldn’t hang on to my spotlight anymore.

I wished him the best of luck with whatever girl he wished to pursue. I wished him happiness, even though deep down inside I wished it was me.

So now, I’m just trying to be strong. I think the hardest part will be seeing him update his facebook with someone else in my place.

I’m just throwing away everything that reminds me of him. I can’t do it anymore.


Our Breakup Advice to You

LDR’s are hard
by: Rena

I know it feels like everything is horrible right now, but there is hope, honey! Check out this article on getting over a breakup. It will help you figure a few things out.

Things will get better, I promise!


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A Confused Heart

A Confused Heart

dating and relationshipsby Mell

We have been together for one year and 3 months. During this relationship, we always fight with each other. The fight is usually because of his friends (all of which are girls).

He always asked me to give him his personal time with his girl friends. For example: staying overnight in a trip with them in a same room. Fetching one of his girl friend’s family from the airport and go dinner at night.

When I ranted and show how jealous I was, he was sad and told me he no longer felt the same for me anymore. He said being together doesn’t feel right anymore. He told me to do some self-reflection and try not to be so possessive in my next relationship.

I try to trust… I try but every action he did made me think otherwise. Is it really my fault this breakup happened? Or this is not the time for us to be together? A day after our breakup, he ask if we will revisit this relationship again in the future.

I have a confused heart.


Our Dating Advice to You

A sticky situation
by: Roberto

On one hand, it’s important to love and trust until that trust is broken, but he’s doing a lot of things that should make you suspicious.

Guys with lots of friends that are girls can go in one of two ways: Either he’s a seducer and a cheater or he really understands women. The first kind will ruin your life and always keep you feeling sick and nervous. The second kind are AWESOME boyfriends.

There is a reason that he has so many girls in his life. I think you know, deep down, which kind of a guy he was.

Do you really think he was capable of cheating on you? If yes, then is was right for you to act defensive. If you strip away all of your feelings and simply look at him objectively and see that he wasn’t cheating on you… Then you do have a problem with jealousy.

Jealousy is the worst thing to let seep into your relationship. Once those thoughts take hold, it’s only a matter of time til a sad breakup.


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A (Very) Delicate Situation

A (Very) Delicate Situation

by Andie
(United States)

delicate situationIt’s a well-known fact at our workplace that this guy is terribly shy when it comes to girls. When I admire someone, I feel the same way.

When I started working, we barely spoke. His sister (my age–he’s a bit older) works with us as well, and I got to be more friendly with her. Eventually, he and I opened up to one another and began talking regularly–and have similar interests in music, entertainment, humor, etc.

This went on for about a month and half, before I finally gathered enough mental strength to put myself out there and ask him out. The deciding factor was an incident that took place on our last day working together. He’d been “crushing” on a regular for several years, and in his last days, he wanted to give her his number. After a lot of confidence-bolstering, he did it. Ten minutes later, he called the store and asked specifically to speak to me about it. We chatted, and, for my part, if felt so comfortable (he was hopeless, in a good-natured way, about the girl calling him, and just wanted to talk to someone about it).

That was the point that I realized how much more I wanted from our relationship, and knew that if I didn’t act soon, he probably never would. Because of past experiences, I was very careful to conceal my growing affection for him at work (though there was a certain intensity whenever we looked at one another), and even if I had given signals, there’s no guarantee he would have done anything, being shy. His sister told me he was very, very surprised when I did ask him out.

When I did, he responded with a depressing “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m going on a date this week and want to see how that pans out.” Not the end of the world, but not encouraging, either.

The next day, he stopped in for coffee, and I reverted to my previous level of shyness, acting like I didn’t notice him. We didn’t speak, didn’t even look at one another. After he left, his sister, revealed that he’d been flattered by my offer and had exhibited a degree of interest; however, according to her, he is a one girl at a time kind of guy. She also revealed that the “date” was in fact one of the blind variety, with one of her brother’s best friend’s girlfriend’s friends (essentially, a nobody to him), and that the girl was a bit strange. Basically, she told me that there was still a high probability for turning the situation from nothing to something. She actually seemed a bit excited by the prospect.

So, I mulled everything over for a few days–went about my life normally, went out with friends, enjoyed the benefits of being single. It occurred to me today, however, that acting as I had when he visited the day after I asked him out could have destroyed any confidence in a further relationship he may have had, so I told him that I thought it was well and fine that he only take one girl out at a time, but if things didn’t work out with his date, he still had an admirer. I also admitted to being painfully shy myself, which doesn’t scream volumes about my confidence–though, I am a naturally confident person and had demonstrated such after we initially broke the ice a few months back.

I suppose I just wanted to assure him that I was still interested, while trying to sympathize with our shared “condition.” I feel like I may have fouled up by pushing the issue though, and I don’t know what to expect–or if I should expect anything. It’s taken me years to come to terms with my goofy, awkward personality, and this has been the first time in awhile that I’ve actively pursued someone else. I just wish someone could give me a heads-up as to whether this is a lost cause, and if not, what I should do to keep it from getting to that point…


Our Relationship Advice to You

Not a Lost Cause
by: Rendiva

I don’t think you messed this up at all, and you did a pretty good save too!

The fact that he wants to figure things out “one at a time” means he’s at least an honorable guy that you would be lucky to be with.

The problem in all of this is your confidence! How can he fall in love with someone who is struggling to love herself?

Good guys like this tend to follow commands quite nicely. If you can’t say, “hey, take me out for some coffee!” then you can never get him to be all the way in for you.

I suggest checking out the Unstoppable Confidence Course. You could go through the rest of your life feeling goofy and awkward or you could embrace the goofy and delete the awkward. It’s time to start getting the things you want out of life! Fix your confidence and the rest of your life will get better… way better! I promise!

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Long Distance Problem

Long Distance Problem

by love dinh
(Manhattan , NY)

dating and relationshipsI’ve been going out with this guy for quite a while… One day he told me he had to go to another state to work . I tried to convince him to stay, but then felt I shouldn’t do that to him. He needed to go there and work. His family lives there too.

I thought long distance was going to work but sometimes I feel like I should just let go. This long distance relationship is not going anywhere.
I’ve asked him so many times when is he going to settle down and he always answers me, “I don’t know.” I was fine with that because neither of us is ready to settle yet. One day he told me he can’t do this anymore… I tried to fix this, but then I have to respect him so I decided to let go…

I would have never thought this would kill me so much. I’m the type of girl that doesn’t look forward to love that much. Now my life is horrible. I can’t focus on anything. If he said he had cheated on me, then I’d definitely let go. This long distance relationship… It’s not fair.

Recently, my friend and her ex got back together and in my head it’s like, “You’re lucky because he is near you there’s still a chance.” But what can I do?? Nothing… there’s no chance at all. I know he had feelings for me, it’s just this long distance is just not going well for us. I really don’t know what to do.

…btw this is my first relationship

It’s really killing me. I hope you guys out there feel me.


Our Love Advice to You

Long Distance Relationships Are Hard
by: Samantha

It’s so difficult to make long distance relationships work when you are feeling needy. In fact, the only way it could possibly work is if both people are very comfortable with themselves and their lives.

The moment you started pressuring him to settle down, is the moment you started losing him. It’s one thing to have this talk when you have him in front of you to influence him with your charms. It’s a completely different thing when you are miles away grilling him to be yours. It just doesn’t work.

Men are analytical creatures. When they can’t see the benefits right in front of them, then it has no effect on him at all.

All is not lost. You need to give him some space to miss you… to really miss you. If he decides on his own that he’s blown a good thing, he will come back. It has to be his decision and there isn’t much pleading you can do to help him with it.

For now, be cool and focus on your life. Make it into something he would be jealous of. You should also read up on how to make your life awesome. Roberto Hogue’s book, The Art of Irresistible will get you on track to finding your inner hotness. Follow that book and he’ll step over his own mother to get you back!


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Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat?

Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat?

by So Confused
(Anaheim, CA)

My husband and I were going into our 4th year of marriage and I noticed that he started becoming very distant from me. We have different work schedules so we don’t have very much time off together and he would often go on mini trips on his days off because he said that he doesn’t just want to sit around on his days off.

I know, that should have been a horrible sign for me right there, but I trusted him completely. For about 6 months, I tried everything I could to make him want to spend more time with me and I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me. He told me that I needed to go see a counselor first because I needed to be okay spending time alone. I started to have suspicions about him having an affair but he denied it.

We separated for a couple of weeks, then he told me that he would try counseling and then at the first appointment he said that he thought that we should divorce. I was devastated and angry.

He wrote me this letter about how our differences were so great, etc. but I was done.

I went out and met someone else almost instantly and he was wonderful. He wanted to spend time with me and make plans with me; something that my husband had not done in a long time.

Shortly after, my husband came back and said that he wanted to try to save our marriage. I believed him and thought that we would start talking and working on things but we didn’t. He continued to ignore me and told me that “he just needed to figure himself out.” I was so hurt, angry and confused. I was pretty convinced that he had had an affair but I had not proof.

My husband shared a list of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ about me that devastated me, he complained that my breath smelled and that I snored so I had my tonsils removed–yes, I was that emotionally beaten.

I secretly kept seeing the other guy for a long time because my husband would say that he was still trying to figure out if he wanted to be with me and I couldn’t handle that but for some reason I still didn’t have the strength to leave him.

Financially and emotionally, we are co-dependent on each other. Even though I was angry and hurt I still felt comfortable having my own place instead of trying to stay with other people.

After about a year of misery, I finally told him about my affair and the next day he finally admitted to me that he did have an affair the year before. In some ways I was glad that I finally knew the truth but yet all of the pain and suffering became even more real to me than they had before (I don’t think I even realized that this could happen). I told him that I thought we should end our marriage because people who love each other just don’t do this to one another. He told me that he still wanted to try to make our marriage work. I told him that I would try but that I still wanted him to sign the preliminary divorce papers that would take 6 months and another filing to become official.

He threatened the guy that I had been having the affair with and so my affair ended but this made me angry because when did I get to know about and stop his affair? He never would have known if I hadn’t come clean first. He also told me that they didn’t always use protection like we had which still makes me sick. Of course I went out and got tested but I still don’t think I can be with someone who was so careless with my heart and body.

The past 6 months I have been in a constant tug of war battle with myself. I will probably order the Should I stay or should I go book since I’ve listened to so many other audio CDs searching for some peace and guidance.

I’m exhausted with my thoughts and disgusted with myself. I’ve gone to counselors but everyone pretty much has the same message: “you have to make the decision” I’ve been living with friends and family for the past few weeks really trying to take the time to think about how my life would be without him. We have a meeting with another marriage counselor this week but I’m not sure what that’s going to do for us. I constantly feel like if I were to make the leap to try to trust him again that he would do this to me again. Everyone tells me there are no guarantees no matter who you are with. We don’t have kids but I have always wanted at least one and everyone tells me that having kids is very challenging on a marriage so I just don’t think that we could ever handle that now.

So what do you think? Once a cheat, always a cheat? Can we make this work?


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The Seven Year Itch

The Seven Year Itch

by Marquelle

dating and relationshipsI had just gotten out of a seven year relationship when I met my new man who in turn became my husband. We met and were engaged within 3 months. We were engaged for a year and 3 months. We finally got married and had a baby.

But he enjoyed going out with his buddies… I trusted him so I always let him go.

One night he came home late and we had a terrible fight that led to domestic violence. I pressed charges and we were apart for 4 months. I finally decided to take him back, because I didn’t want to leave my daughter w/o a father. Continue reading

Sneaky Bastard

Sneaky Bastard

by Onzyno
(Wisconsin, USA)

dating and relationshipsHe started talking and chatting with this girl who he claims is just an old friend. He usually sends flirty texts and she always sends back. He told me that he never took interest on her but i know that he’s lying. He always calls her. They talk few times a week, for hours.

When i’m with him, he never calls or mentions about her. But one time, i caught her calling him on Skype and i got angry. I told my boyfriend to stop talking to her, and we almost reached a breakup point. He swore that he’ll never talk to her again because he doesn’t want to end our relationship because of her.

I trusted him. I gave him another shot. But, I found that he was still in touch with her, talking and chatting again. I found this very offensive and hurtful. The mean thing i’m so upset is he told her that he’s not that into me, he wanted a breakup, he doesn’t like me that much or he thinks i’m naggy person. Is it even acceptable?! That son of a b–ch.


Our Infidelity Advice to You

Look inside and decide
by: Crystal

If you really believe that he is still talking to his “friend” and it makes you uncomfortable the try to sit down and have a calm conversation with him. It seems that as a human, when we are told we “can’t” do something, then we do it to prove a point.

If you believe that what you’ve heard about the things he’s told his “friend” then you really need to look at the situation clearly. Do you want to be with someone who will tell another they don’t really care for you? Why is he going behind your back and talking to her? Why is he talking to her daily? These are all answers that your heart knows. But it’s something you have to look into and investigate – feel your feelings and what you want out of a relationship and then ask yourself is this it? Remember, there are many other men out there!


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How to Renew Interest?

How to Renew Interest?

by KismetKiss
(Rhode Island)

dating and relationshipsI’ve been dating a man long distance since May. We met while he was in my state, traveling for work. We kept in touch via phone/text/e-mail for 2 months. It got to the point he was texting me every day and we’d have amazing 2 to 3 hour phone conversations. He was sweet and insecure at times, but I had no doubt how interested he was.

He came my way for a month this summer to visit relatives he has in my state. We spent quite a bit of time together and met each others families. I spent a lot of time with his mom and son. We got physical about a week after he got here, not having sex though. I noticed that after that, he seemed distant and detached w/me at times, especially when we were out in public, not much affection…sometimes I felt a bit ignored/invisible.

When he left, he said he wanted to continue things long distance, but he added that he wouldn’t expect me not to date other people. I jokingly said “you’re not living w/someone or in a serious relationship are you?” He said no, not at all…he wouldn’t have me spend so much time w/his family and meet his son if that were the case and he talked about me going to his state to visit him.

After he left to go back home, the daily calls and texts stopped. We still talked once or twice a week. I sent him an e-mail saying I thought we should end things, because I felt like the emotional connection wasn’t there when he came to see me and he seemed distant and detached, unlike when he was texting and talking to me every day before his visit. I told him I wasn’t interested in a friends w/benefits scenario & I wanted something that at least had the potential to go somewhere.

I didn’t hear back from him for a few days and I freaked a bit and sent him another e-mail. This one said that I might have been rushing the emotional connection thing…and we’re still getting to know one another and I know he’s gun-shy from his last marriage (which he’s not completely out of…this is his 3rd marriage). I told him that getting physical so soon after he got here clouded my emotions a bit, but I still wanted to continue things, doing the casual dating thing, dating other people if the opportunity arises and going slow both physically and emotionally. He wrote back saying slow sounded great…he was truly gun-shy after his last relationship & that he struggled a bit w/us getting physical so soon after he got here, wanting to be there, but freaking out at the same time. He said that friends sounds perfect for now, adding that he thought we should put the physical stuff aside for a while, but he still wants to stay in contact and see me as time permits.

We’ve talked a couple of times since then & he’s coming back my way next week to visit his relatives for a day & he said he wants to see me while he’s here. So my question is why did he seemingly lose some interest/freak out after he got here? Was it because I got physical w/him too quickly or he sensed that I wanted more? And what’s w/the friends sounds perfect for now and putting the physical stuff aside for a while?

Has he completely lost romantic interest and he only sees me as a platonic friend? I’ve been backing off a bit and he seems to be coming around, but I don’t want to waste my time if he thinks of me only in a platonic way. Is it too late to salvage things? What should I do to keep/renew his interest?? Thanks so much!


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