The Seven Year Itch
I had just gotten out of a seven year relationship when I met my new man who in turn became my husband. We met and were engaged within 3 months. We were engaged for a year and 3 months. We finally got married and had a baby.
But he enjoyed going out with his buddies… I trusted him so I always let him go.
One night he came home late and we had a terrible fight that led to domestic violence. I pressed charges and we were apart for 4 months. I finally decided to take him back, because I didn’t want to leave my daughter w/o a father.
Things seemed to get better for a while. But, I became frustrated since he could never hold down a job or finish his education. It led to a lot of verbal abuse toward him. I still resented him for hitting me also.
Gradually, we started ignoring one another in order to avoid fighting. He began going out more often. He avoided doing family activities. He wanted to focus more on his looks.
Last week, I found out he’s been talking to four girls on the phone. He’s communicated with them constantly. There’s one girl which he’s talked to for 9wks. He claims they just talked. She’s told me other wise.
I trusted him completely. I never looked at his phone log or wallet. We’ve been together for 9 years but this is our 7th year married.
This is when most problems with infidelity occur. That’s why I call it the seven year itch.
He wants to come back home. He promises to get rid of his phone, and buddies. He states he’ll focus more on the family. We now have 2 kids and I honestly don’t know if I can forgive him for being unfaithful.
I never expected it and it hurts. I’m not the cute skinny girl that he fell in love with. The other girl is 10 years younger so that makes a difference. What should I do? I’m devastated!
Our Relationship Advice to You
You said it yourself
If you are going to bring someone back into your life (especially after that bastard hit you), it has to be done on a clean slate. You can’t keep bringing it up.
Unfotunately, that’s never the way things work. I don’t think I’d ever forget if a man ever hit me. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t take him back either. (It’s so easy to assume you’d do the smartest thing when it’s not your situation…)
Marquelle, what do you expect this man to do? He’s not getting the 7 year itch, he’s got the “my wife won’t touch or talk to me itch.” Time has nothing to do with the fact that something here is broken. Can it be repaired? Only both of you can make that decision together.
What if the answer is yes? Can you forgive him for cheating? Can you finally forgive him for hitting you? Can you accept at least some of the blame for what happened? It’s not your fault that he hit you or cheated on you, but it is if you take him back and he does it again…
It’s time to get a little perspective. You should check out the book Should I Stay or Should I Go to really figure out if you can salvage this marriage or whether it’s time to cut your losses and show your daughter that her mother is a positive role model by leaving a bad relationship.