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Pregnant and Heartbroken

Pregnant and Heartbroken

by Shana, 22
(Oregon, USA)

dating and relationshipsHi Im 22 yrs. old and 2 months pregnant. I was with my ex (the father) for 11 months. For the first 8 months we had some financial problems, but other than that our relationship was a reasonably happy one. Then serious problems developed in our relationship to the point where we fought so bad it became physical a few times (i blew up and hit him and he pushed me down). It was emotionally traumatic for me. I cut myself, cried and felt suicidal at one point.

I tried to work out our problems with him many times, but I felt I could not communicate with him no matter what I said or how reasonable I was about it. Sometimes he was VERY kind and loving (obviously, or I wouldn’t be pregnant.) Other times he ignored and neglected me.

I couldn’t take the constant emotional upheaval and the frustration of not being able to fix things between us, especially being pregnant. So I left him, for our baby’s health, knowing I would probably lose him.

I am keeping my baby regardless of all this, I love this baby with all my heart even though she/he’s still tiny. I would really really like to have a civil co-parenthood with my ex so our baby can have the two parents that she/he deserves. My ex told me when we found out I’m pregnant that he would be there for us, but doesn’t contact me to see how I’m doing. I don’t know what to do or what approach I should take to try and establish some kind of peace between us.

If there is anyone who may have insight or advice? Please offer your thoughts. Thanks.


Our Breakup Advice for You

Your baby is going to love you SO MUCH!
by: Samantha

You are not alone. I’ve had more than a couple friends in the same situation. I’ve watched them all spend months of their pregnancy trying to make the dad/ex want to be involved. It hardly ever works. The dad never asks or attends a single ultrasound.

The best thing I can tell you is not to have any expectations to set yourself up for disappointment. I am proud of your decision to leave, given that the situation wasn’t healthy for anyone involved. They tell me that once u have the child, nothing else will matter. You won’t be pregnant and heartbroken for long. It’s hard to imagine since you are still waiting for that moment. Plus the hormones don’t help the healing process much.


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Possible Soul Mate

Possible Soul Mate

by Cheryl
(North York, Ontario)

dating and relationshipsI’ve been separated for just over 2 years. Life has really changed for me. My husband of 20 years is now looking after our two teenage boys and I have been living on my own for the past 17 months. I just turned 49.

Weekly, if not daily, I go through a gamut of emotions. I love my freedom, yet I rely on financial support of my ex. I feel guilty about breaking up our family yet how could I have stayed in an unhappy, unfulfilled marriage any longer…… I had to leave.

As for dating, well that has been scary, exciting, though sometimes frustrating and sad. I am on the search for ‘LOVE’; love that will be unconditional, love that will be inspiring, passionate, and long lasting and love that has total trust, support and commitment from one and other. Now, that’s a tall order to fill!

Since being separated, I’ve had a few amazing men in my life. I call them ‘my possible soul mates’. Unfortunately these relationships have not turned out quite the way I intended and I ended up being totally devastated upon learning that they don’t feel the same way about me as I do towards them. Yes, they loved being with me, they loved ‘making love’ to me, but weren’t ‘in love’ with me. What a crushing blow that is.

Anxiety, depression and even panic would ensue. Just the thought of being alone terrified me. At times, I felt like I was going to die. However, I survived and a few days later, there it was, my computer, beckoning me, summoning me. Craving physical and emotion connection, the dating games began again. Plenty of Fish, JDate, Evow, EHarmony, etc., emails, texting, chatting, coffee dates, lunches, dinners, movies, kissing, cuddling, touching, sex, and finally, the ‘Big S’, Sleepovers.

‘Soul mate’ is a strange and fascinating word. I believe that a person can have more than one soul mate over the period of a life time. However, one person alone cannot make that happen. Two souls have to find each other and that is a very difficult and sometimes lengthy task. I have a very big heart and my heart is totally open for love and I know that at some point in my life, I will find love again and I will openly and lovingly accept it. Maybe we’ll find each other.

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I had to unfriend my boyfriend

I had to unfriend my boyfriend

by: Monstergirl

dating and relationshipsI got upset one day and said something awful to my boyfriend and he broke up with me a few weeks ago.

I asked for forgiveness and he said he forgave me but could not call or text. He kept posting nasty things on FB and I always felt like he was directing those things to me. It reached a point where I could not take it anymore and I had to unfriend my boyfriend. Continue reading

A Million Thoughts to say

A Million Thoughts to say

by joy

dating and relationshipsI wonder, how should i begin? i have so many ideas i don’t know where to start. what i mean is, i have none. so i can’t write an article for valentines day. only the endless sadness of my aching heart…

when i was in high school, i never believed about the love between opposite sex. for me, after a long time it will be gone and soon enough, they’ll break up. just like Jan, my sister.
i believed it will not last forever, yet the very day i saw him, i wasn’t too sure. how much i deny it, i still can’t stop my heart to skip a beat whenever i look at him, and sometimes i think he looks at me too.

it was like time ceased for a moment, and i’m paralyzed just by looking in his eyes. i don’t know what to do, don’t know how to act, don’t know how to say hello. just like crazy, i panic. whenever i pass by him, i never find the words to say. i keep my mouth shut, fearing i might say something that’ll make him unlike me. whenever i saw his angelic, smiling face, i always think “oh, your so beautiful”. whenever i think he looks at me that’s why i can’t look at him, i feel myself melting in his gaze. and i don’t know why, but whenever i look at him… i accidentally smile.

i can tell you that he’s a joker, humorous, kind, responsible and a lot more good qualities that makes him look cuter than beautiful. but i can never find the exact reasons why… i fell in love with him.

when our adviser made new sitting arrangements, it’s like “oh my gosh! he’s one seat apart from me!” he’s near that’s why my hands are trembling when i write, and i freeze i can’t move at all. the most frightening is, he almost took my breath away.

there were so many times he tried to talk to me. like when i drew, “that’s nice!”. and when he teasingly punched his lunch box on my head, and laughed. it didn’t hurt at all but i pretended to show an angry face, and when he left, i can’t stop smiling. i was thinking “maybe, just maybe, he likes me too!”. but of all the words he said to me, i could return nothing, even though i really really want to. it’s like my tongue is stuck.

seeing him, being with him, and sitting near him everyday from monday to friday were the best days of my life. but, i never knew he already had that someone special. it made every single day the worst days of my life. gone now was the thought that he looks at me, smiles at me and loves me. for every single day, i see him look at her, smile at her and love her.

i was always angry, i avoid him. ignore him. i can no longer dream of him as my love, think of him- for it breaks my heart to pieces. one day, he asked me, “do you hate me?”. to all my hidden temper and fury, i blurted out, “yes, i hate you so much!” then he never talked to me again.

“oh my god!” i thought. what i really wanted to say was “i hate myself for loving you.” how silly of me! then we graduated and i never saw him again. and whenever i think of the chances i’ve had to say i love him but never did, tears fall out from my eyes. and all that time, i never said a word.

even though…. there’s a million thoughts and a million words i’m dying to say. like, i love you. ’til now.


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Staying best friends?

Staying best friends?

dating and relationshipsby ‘Best Friend’

J was my first everything.. I love him so much, and he loves me back – I know it. He still tells me he does.

But he ended our relationship because he wasn’t happy in it. I can’t stop feeling like I “wasn’t enough to make him happy”..

He has been in long relationships all of high school and said he never had any time on his own, and he also said that since I’m younger I have a lot of growing up to do. We’re staying best friends, because we don’t want to lose each other in our lives, and because we’re hoping that later down the road when he’s ready we could give things a try.

How can I be his friend and not get jealous over all these other girls that are trying to be, and soon will be in his life? Girls that I know are already intrested in him, and are trying to be with him.

It hurts so much to think of him with somebody else.. I don’t want that. I can imagine that he would want to be with anybody else if he loves me so much?

I don’t know what to do..
How do I move on? How can I possibly let go?
What should I do..


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Time to Think Things Through

Time to Think Things Through

dating and relationshipsby Tammy Farley
(Chapmanville, wv)

I have been in this relationship for almost 5 years. Lately, I have been getting this feeling that something is not right.

A few weeks ago he stayed out all night, tried to lie about it, but finally confessed that he went to a bar with his sister. I told him that he couldn’t do that anymore and if he did, it would be the end of our relationship.

The following week on a Saturday he called me that night and said that he was going to a friends house to drink. I told him not to be driving and to stay there. On Sunday, I called his sister and she said that she had not seen him. Five minutes later he calls and says that he was at a bar.

I got mad and flew off the handle and packed all his clothes. He came and got them and is currently staying with his sister. He has called and tried to talk to me and I have ignored them. Then I heard his brother died and he was at the funeral with another girl.

I have been think about letting him come back home so the other day I sent word to him and he called. We talked on the phone and he came home that night. Yesterday he calls me from his sister’s and says that he needs time to think things through.

I am devastated about this because I really love this man, so what advice can you give me?


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Worth Waiting For

Worth Waiting For

by Sandy

dating and relationshipsIn 1994 I was involved with a local online club through which I met many friends, my ex husband, and the man I’m with now. Many of us used to get together for parties, pizza, and going to clubs.

At one pizza outing, my original date had stood me up and I saw “Joe” sitting with friends at a booth. I don’t know what possessed me, but I walked over to him, sat down on his lap and said, “When are we going out?” and he said, “When do you want to go?”.

We dated for about a year, but it was fairly casual and definitely not exclusive for either of us. But we began a friendship, and I did develop a crush on him. After about a year, I was also dating what seemed to be a very nice, stable, secure younger man.(Let’s call him “Sam”)

He seemed to have all the qualities I valued in a person. He was a hard worker, he had good values, he came from a stable family background, and seemed like he’d be a good catch for any woman. Since I was looking to settle down at that time, and my other main guy, Joe, was a party animal/player with no prospects of wanting to settle down with anyone, I broke it off with Joe and began seeing “Sam” exclusively and after a few years married him.

Little did I realize that I was about to enter into 14 years of hell. Sam was abusive and a serial cheater. But with 2 kids and a mortgage, I was afraid to leave. Sam had made me believe that I couldn’t make it without him, and no one would want me anyhow. So I stayed until I couldn’t take it anymore and finally kicked Sam out.

During the rough times, Joe crossed my mind a lot, and even though we lived in the same town and even worked for the same company at one point (always opposite shifts), I never saw him again.

A while after the divorce, I was bored one day, and found some friends on MySpace from the old group. I wondered if I could find Joe there too. And I did. I sent him a message simply saying “Hi, do you remember me?” I had no idea whether he’d say just “Oh yeah hi,” or “No, not really.”

After a few days I received a reply. He said “Remember you? Only like I remember how to breathe. I couldn’t forget you as long as I live, and my biggest regret in life was letting you slip away. I always felt like I didn’t treat you well enough while I had the chance.”

Needless to say this took my breath away. He and I eventually started seeing each other again, (exclusively this time), and found that we had much more in common than we ever realized. Both of us older and wiser by this time, we were able to start a real relationship.

Now we finish each other’s sentences, speak what each other is thinking, and share so much together.

Every single day he tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am. I am the envy of all my friends because of the things he says and does for me.

For my birthday he stood up in the restaurant in front of my family and friends and recited the poem he had written for me. He sings love songs to me, helps me around the house, is willing to talk openly about anything. When we’re apart, he says things like, “I miss you like a caged bird misses the sky” He treats me, my kids, and my animals like he adores all of us.

Love can be worth waiting for… sometimes its not the right time, and sometimes its not the right person… but when you finally get both of those things right… its the most amazing thing in the world. My message is: Don’t give up on love.


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I was screwed up

I was screwed up

i was screwed upby Lee

I met great guy named Matthew. We were head over heels in love, but it was long distance. It had been 3 years when I suddenly got a urgent text message from what I thought was a text from my man’s mother..

It said he was hit by car and now had blood poisoning, at the time I didn’t know any better and I was hysterical. Over the next 5 hours, I was told a horrible story about this “car accident” I then was told he had passed away.

My friend, a nurse, called his phone and the ass answered it. Turns out that this was how he was trying to break up with me.


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He Doesn’t Talk to Me

He Doesn’t Talk to Me

by Beth, 34
(Butte, Montana)

he doesn't talk to meMe and My boyfriend have been together for about 4 weeks but started talking around June and got together in September. In the beginning, I wasn’t really into getting to know him. If he asked me to hang out, I’d make up some stupid excuse. There would be times when he’d bring up sex but I ALWAYS told him “I won’t have sex with you!” and he would stop talking about it.

Later on, he did not talk to me for days so I decided to erase his number and stop contact with him. Time went by and he finally decided to talk to me and the whole process of getting to know each other started again.

This time I actually decided to give it a try. We had some things in common but he wasn’t really the talkative type. I understood that but at the same time, he wasn’t giving me anything to work with.

So we finally hung out. I admit we fooled around but I strictly enforced my no sex morale. He said it was fine and he took me home but while on the ride home there was just silence. I didn’t think much of it. We kept hanging out but that would be every like 3 freaking weeks! But since he wasn’t my boyfriend then I had no reason to nag him.

There was also an occasion where we had like 30 sex but I didn’t want to go forward with it but he kept nagging and nagging that I gave in.

One night we were talking and he told me he thought I was really cute and that he liked me. I asked if he liked me in a friend kind of way. He said, “I could see myself dating you.” So we got together and at first everything was fine but now he went back to the person I told him I wouldn’t date. He doesn’t talk to me much. He won’t answer my texts at all. If I don’t text or call him, he won’t initiate communication. We rarely see each other and it just seems like he just stopped putting effort in us.

I’m the one always texting or calling first doing some sort of communication. I’m the one doing the effort and he’s just not really there. I understand he has a job he’s in college and also plays college football that is really time consuming but I told him if you are too busy for me lets just break it off and he says he wants to be with me.

My question is what do I do? I don’t want to leave him because I don’t want to give up on us, but he’s just not showing interest in us anymore and he just doesn’t talk to me. It’s either he’s just too busy or he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me its over.

Why won’t he talk to me?


Our Advice to You

I don’t get it!
by: Sarah

What is 30 sex?

And why would you date a guy who’s already the silent type when you know you need way more communication.

That’s like buying a huge car and complaining about gas. He’s not gonna suddenly get all talkative because you brought him out of his shell. The way he treats you in the beginning is the BEST he will ever treat you.

So far I only get two things: he’s pushy and then he doesn’t talk to you.

Bad combo!

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I Love My Best Friend

I Love My Best Friend

by Haley
(Rhode Island)

dating and relationshipsMy best friend and I have gone out before…

But we were young and nothing really changed. Our friendship was such a strong thing and taking the next step to a relationship still kept us in a strong friendship. I’ve known him for years and I’ve always felt something for him since the day I met him.

This year we decided to date again, but of course being best friends, dating consisted of going out with other friends and not doing anything that real couples would do. The school year went fine but there was always something wrong with me I think.

I’m a clingy person and I need the comfort of having him there. I couldn’t even imagine my life without him in it, even as a friend.

Now its summer, and he works everyday. so I never see him. We would only text each other and you know how it is… the one word text messages… it just seemed like he didn’t care about me anymore. I felt like he just gave up on us.

When I confronted him about us spending more time together and talking more he confessed that he “kind of” wanted to break up. That alone brought me to tears. I told him that I didn’t want him to feel like he had to stay with me… but of course I was lying. I desperately wanted to fix everything (which we could have easily done, but he didn’t think that he could do it again.

I felt so pathetic after that. I kept trying to convince him to not give up and I just made a fool out of myself. I can’t handle rejection and I just didn’t want everything to go away.

I still love him with all my heart, but I think its better for me to not talk to him for a while. My birthday is coming up and not having him there makes me feel worse. I’ll be going on a vacation out of the country but I know he’ll be on my mind the whole time.

Every night I think about him and I just don’t understand why he didn’t want to try harder. He never really put a lot of effort into the relationship to begin with and I never make the first move. I regret not trying harder..but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else besides him, but I’m willing to wait if he wants me again.

Since our friendship is still very important to me, I try to pretend like nothing happened but he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me.

…So to end my story, my summer sucks so far…

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Married but Separated

Married but Separated

dating and relationshipsby Joyce
(Port Orchard, WA)

I met a guy, he’s been married but separated for about a year, his future ex wife is very hurtful toward him, anyway, we hit it off right away, we spent almost all of our time together, it wasn’t sexual, but, we would sleep together (just sleep, except for twice).

We saw each other every day for two months (he was on unemployment benefits). Then, he got a new job, and from that day on, he completely stopped calling me, or contacting me altogether. I don’t know what to think. I really like this guy, and I thought he really liked me. What should I do?


Our Relationship Advice to You

by: Rena

You need to realize this guy has a house full of garbage he needs to get rid of before he can make some room for you.

Gracefully back out of his life and give him some time to get his ducks in a row. That way he can come back to you with a clean slate and a fresh start that you both deserve.


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How Interested in Me is He?

How Interested in Me is He?

by Ashley
(Toronto, ON)

dating and relationshipsI met this guy about a month ago at a high-end lounge. I was not looking for anything at the time, and given the way we met, I figured – what’s the harm? So we had a ONS. A week later, we hung out – this time, involving dinner and he picked me up from my place.

After that came two weeks of not hearing from him. Then he texted me at 11pm. I figured it was a booty call but he didn’t take the chance when he had the opportunity.

Another two weeks before we were both available to meet again. This time – like the last – he texted me exactly an hour before we were supposed to meet about grabbing food. This time, there was a lot of cuddling. We even had pillow fights! I did give him a chance to stop the cuddling if he wanted to, but instead he simply said “no it’s ok” and continued cuddling.

He also told me about his family, how he got his dog (whom I love) and that he is signing a lease to buy a new condo instead of buying a new car.

He said that he was feeling cold, so we stayed really close and fell asleep. Next morning, he asked me if I slept ok and told me that he slept great, even though he usually don’t sleep well when sleeping next to someone.

Two days after that, I texted him since I was feeling restless. Sadly, he wasn’t free to dirty text me, though he was replying to my texts quite quickly. I also noticed that he started ending his texts with ‘hun’. Perhaps he forgot my name? – although i remember typing my name into his phone when he asked for my number.

He is going on vacation with his buddies next week, so we won’t be meeting up till two weeks from now.

We never talked on the phone, although in person there was never any awkwardness. He also hibernated on me for two weeks before, and the two times we hung out, he always ended our goodbye by saying something vague i.e. “I’ll see you later” or “we’ll talk soon”

I am curious – I am wondering, how interested in me is he? Is he perhaps seeing other women or generally busy?

I know people always say not to put all the eggs in one basket. But I am finishing up my university degree, so my schedule is pretty tight. Hence, do not have time to juggle men.


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Online Dating Takes Too Long

Online Dating Takes Too Long

by Lia625
(New York, NY)

dating and relationshipsI decided to give online dating a try. After weeks of getting messages from much older men, someone I was actually attracted to messaged me. I told him I wasn’t a huge fan of the site and gave him my number in case he’d like to talk outside of the site.

He called me about 5 days later, which at that point I had pretty much forgotten about him. I missed the call but he apologized for taking so long to respond and said that I seemed like a really cool person and that he was interested in getting to know me. I waited a day or so to call him back (after a pretty bad first date with someone else) and we started playing phone tag with one another. We switched to texting for a day and then we finally talked a few days later.

He seemed great and we both laughed on the phone, and I was shocked that he actually called as opposed to texting or just messaging back and forth online. It showed a lot of confidence which I liked. We continued talking the following week, mostly by text b/c we both work all day and he suggested that we grab a drink after work one day.

Here is the problem though, he has yet to give me a time or date of this proposed drink. I told him when I was free this coming week. Its now Sunday and I haven’t heard from him this weekend, I’m assuming b/c he’s on vacation this week. So my question is, should I just give up or ask him one more time when he would like to hang out?

Any advice is much appreciated!


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My First Love Loves Alcohol

My First Love Loves Alcohol

by Ashley

dating and relationshipsI’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years and he is my first love. I’ve known him since I was 18 and I’m 21 now. He’s 25 now.

We have been through A LOT. He almost was killed in an instant with me right beside him and I almost lost him forever. Since that occurrence, he has horrible anger issues when he drinks. He becomes absolutely mean and horrible and scares me. He’s never hit me or anything but he gets pushy and scary. (He hasn’t seen anyone about this and doesn’t seem like he will.)

He always claims he will stop drinking but never actually does. His father is an alcoholic and I’m worried he is going to become one as well. These drunk angry occurrences happen all the time. He gets drunk maybe twice a week so he’s not a raging alcoholic but on the weekends he gets kind of crazy (…keep in mind we’re just young and going to bars not like a old drunk in his home or anything.)

I feel like I can’t deal with it anymore. The problem is that I love him to death. He is my first love and I can’t possibly imagine loving and relating to someone the way we do. I truly feel like we have something special, I just don’t have the capacity to break up with him whenever he does these things even though I always threaten it when he does it again. I just can’t imagine being alone and seeing him with someone else.

He has such a good heart. I can’t stress that enough he’s such a good guy. The drinking just makes him insane. I really don’t know what to do because I love him so much. I’m worried he will become an alcoholic and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with one. Please help.


Our Breakup Advice for You

Alcoholic Enabler
by: Cherry

The problem here is that he will NEVER have the reason to get better because he knows deep down that you will never leave him.

You said yourself that you are resigning to a lifetime with an angry alcoholic.

When do people change? I mean a real-deep-down-make-it-inevitable change. ONLY when they hit bottom. He will never see bottom as long as you are there to support him.

I hate to say it because it sounds cliche, but girl, you are an enabler. Just the simple fact that you are there is an agreement between the both of you that what he is doing is perfectly fine.

He has to see the pit of dispair before he’ll look into the mirror and actually see himself for who he has become.

You have to let him go so he can free himself… or fall deeper into his disease. There is nothing you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to be saved other than letting him know how serious you really are.

Don’t let him destroy your life in the process of destroying his own. Good luck. I really hope you can turn things around!


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Affair Turns Into an Unexpected Love

Affair Turns Into an Unexpected Love

by Charoletta

dating and relationshipsSo before I start, I just wanna let everyone know it’s never a good idea to date a good friend or his/her sibling.

I hardly knew him, but he is my best friend’s older brother. We didn’t talk much for the first weeks of knowing each other, since I was mainly only around for my best friend, Jane. I couldn’t help but get curious about him within weeks or being around him but never really talking.

I never really got a good look at his face until our very first conversation, which was about this book he was recommending me. Throughout the entire conversation we both had this look of lust in each other’s eyes.

I left that day and didn’t come back for a week because I had felt bad for liking my best friend’s brother. When I went back, things only got more intense. There was this night when I was sleeping over and I couldn’t sleep. It was about 2 or 3 am and I had snuck out of Jane’s room to get water from the kitchen. I was wearing just an over sized shirt(which coincidentally belonged to Jane’s brother since she wears his shirts sometimes) and my lacey pink underwear from victoria’s secret.

He was there, wearing only baggy gray sweat pants. His body looked amazing in the violet sheen of the night light. His incredible muscles moved up and down his back with his every movement. I was so starstruck that I realized too late that he was staring at me.

We stood in absolute silence for what seemed like hours. Eventually he put down his glass of water and walked over to me. He gingerly brushed my cheek bone with his rough fingertips. Finally his lips touched mine and all I could hear was my own heartbeat in my chest. My legs were trembling so much I thought my knees were going to give out.

moments later he hoisted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he propped me up on the counter. Suddenly I didn’t care that he was 23 and I was only barely 18.

I didn’t care that what I was doing was unspeakably wrong or that my best friend was sleeping upstairs.

He was aggressive and so was I. He undressed me in the violet darkness of the kitchen room and I nearly ripped his sweat pants off. he had guided me into the next room, where there was a couch.

We never made it that far. I couldn’t believe how well I was doing and how amazing that night was. We made love on the rug floor of his house. He was gentle and rough. I wasn’t very experienced but he obviously was and he was incredibly patient with me.

We had this secret “affair” for the following 6 months. No one (we knew) knew about it. We only did PDAs in places where no one was likely to know us.

Unfortunately, he fell in love with me. I fell in love with him. And unexpected love was the one thing we had both promised not to do. But I ended it because of it too. I couldn’t have a relationship with him for the sake of Jane. She mattered too much to me to put something like that at risk, which could have possibly ruined our friendship.

I don’t see her as often as I used to, or nearly as much as I’d like. And he completely ignores me now. It would have been nice to just be friends with him. He’s going to have to speak to me, sooner or later.


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