I am the cheater who then got cheated

I am the cheater who then got cheated

By: Anonymous, 29

Before everyone hates me, here my story…

dating and relationshipsI met my husband at school. We got married, had two kids, all seemed normal. But i never had that heart pounding love feeling so many talk about. My husband and i are best friends and that was enough… i thought.

I was only married 3 yrs when i started to work with this guy. As soon as i saw him, i felt that heart pounding. When we spoke at work, i got all tongue tied and he was always in my thoughts.

He was married for 4 yrs. We worked together for nearly 10 yrs as just work colleagues nothing more. I never said how i felt. Then one day he started talking to me on a more personal note and i realized he felt the same.

An affair started. We both cried over it that it was wrong. He had children too and we didn’t want to hurt our kids. I found this really difficult… yes it sounds sordid but i was in love totally and we did silly things. He made me feel how only I imagined loving someone made you feel.

It lasted 6 years. i hated the cheating i left my husband twice. the other man kept telling me to go back to my husband because he didn’t want to be the cause of wrecking a family. So I did..

Being the other woman isn’t all fun and games. Its hard. I had to hear about presents he was buying for his wife, holidays they were going on, and know that i was only on the side of his life that no one knew about. (not trying for the “poor me” vote, just a mistress can be miserable too)

Yet i couldn’t bear to lose him. I told lies. I used my girlfriend as a cover when spending time with him. All of which i am ashamed i did. but i love him. then i wanted him to make a choice..i became soo possessive of him and he wasn’t mine, i tried to end it but couldn’t. Then he started to notice someone else at work and flirting… i asked him he denied it.

Then he phoned me one day and said that i was right. We should cool our relationship but asked to still be close friends and we would talk every night before bed and he asked that that still continued. Like a fool i said yes but the stress of watching him with the the other girl in the office and knowing that he also still had his wife and me still loving him and wondering if he still felt the same became too much. I told him all was finished… my heart is broke.

I loved this man. I lied to my husband who, through it all, still loves me and i have so much to make up for. My husband knows i was never in love with him as i was honest with him about that but maybe i have what love is mixed up. I may never feel how this man made me feel again but love has to be past the physical side. My husband has shown me that love is best friends… love is something that no matter what is thrown at it, you can get through it. And that its someone you can trust and depend on always being there.

I made a mistake and i turned into someone i never thought i would. I think there are two types of cheats: one that just doest it for a ego boost with no real feelings, and the others are ones that get lost in a fantasy not seeing the hurt and pain. They feel its real and it will all work out one day. Very few get it to be real. If they do run off into the sunset, there is always the hurt and devastation that’s left behind. No one wins.

I am the cheater who then got cheated.. and the pain in my chest is like “ripping your heart out with a spoon.” For those thinking of cheating, ask yourselves why. Then take my advice: it only brings heartache and you do well to walk away. My love for my husband is growing stronger and i will never abuse his love for me again or take what we have for granted.

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