What was I thinking?
by Catholic Katie
My story is a bit complicated, I have been or should I say “was” with my ex for 7 years… We were basically high school sweethearts. We met at a school party through mutual friends. We were both very young & immature.
I thought it would be a phase for him but he never grow out of it. Stupid me stuck by his side for years on in – I don’t know what my fascination was with him. The first 4 years were rough it was the same thing over and over again… he wasn’t ready to give up the party scene nor commit 100% but I was determined to stay with him b/c he had great potential and a positive outlook on life and I knew the man he was capable of being.
However, the main issue of our relationship was something that couldn’t be overlooked, religion. He is a Jehovah witness & I’m Catholic, even though I’m not practicing I still have my beliefs – b/c of these differences, I wasn’t allowed in his world completely.
It took 4 years for me to meet his parents and even then I was known as a “friend.” He couldn’t “date” me. We couldn’t post pictures of us on facebook etc. Over the years I came to the conclusion he was a hypocrite when it came to me and his religion, certain things would work when it was “convenient” for him.
He wouldn’t celebrate my birthday but he went away almost every year for his with the guys of course. I can go on and on about this subject. I know he loves me and wants to be with me, but he has a commitment issue, I’m not really sure what goes on in that head of his. I would do anything for him and he knows that, but I’m not perfect either we had alot of unnecessary drama in our relationship, b/c of his lack of commitment with me my family and friends grew to hate him and they made it really difficult for us to be together.
We have stalkers, people would write letters to the church, our parents trying to get us to breakup. At first it was overwhelming but we grew to ignore it. It got to the point where I had to chose him or my family and I couldn’t do that, I moved out on my own b/c I didn’t know what thoughts were mine anymore. A few weeks after, things seem to be settling down. I thought things were finally heading in the right direction for us, we were finally doing good. Don’t get me wrong he has alot of good traits too but at the looks of it the bad tops them. He talked about our future a lot more, he was helping me get to my goals. He answered the phone every time I called. He told me what he was doing and with who. The wall he built was finally starting to come down.
Love is blind. When we were together things were great. Gosh writing my story really makes me seem like an idiot, why did I tolerate all this stuff throughout the years? What was I thinking?
The reason for our break up is what sickens me, I stopped by his place early one morning unexpectedly. I was worried about him – he never called back the night before. To my surprise, I found a girl in his bed. And he had the nerve to say “why are you here? I told you we would be done for good if you just stop over like that…” Then he told me she was an old friend blah blah blah…
I spoke with the girl and she said she ran into the night before at a local bar, agreeing they knew each other from back in the day – she said he was really drunk and flirty and you would never have known he had a girlfriend. She said they kissed but nothing else happened. According to her story she drove him home b/c he was in no condition to drive and stayed over b/c of the time offered to sleep on the couch but he recommended the bed. The whole thing makes me sick. It’s almost like he lived a secret life and our relationship was on big fat lie, I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I gave up 7 years of my life, almost lost my family and friends for some guy that can’t grow up. The sad part is I still love him but I have to get out of his trap, I need to learn to let go. What was I thinking?
Our Breakup Advice for You
Love Should Never Be Blind
You see this same thing hapen over and over again: NO ONE EVER PAYS ATTENTION TO THE WARNING SIGNS!
I’m sorry for your situation, but there is one thing you should always ALWAYS pay attention to: your friends and family! Sure, it’s one thing if one of your friends hates your boyfriend. It’s a simpilar thing if you mom decides to hate who your with. It’s a whole different thing when they ALL hate him.
One or two people could be wrong, but when more than just a couple people delete you from their lives because of who your with, now it’s time to listen!
Seriously, these people are people you have brought into your life because you love them (or they have to love you because you’re family). You trust their opinions and know they have your back. When those backs turn on you, it’s not because they’re jealous or “can’t see how great he is.” They actually can see with an objective eye that your guy is a scumbag.
Listen to your friends. Enough said.
Part 2 of this problem is that you “could see his potential.” This is the biggest mistake women make for their men. Always assume that he will never do much more than what he’s doing now (especially if he’s in a band!!!). Odds are overwhelmingly stacked in the favor of this holding true.
It hurts now, but in time, you will start to see all the horrible things he’s done to you and you’ll start to hate that he’s wasted so much of your life.
Don’t make the next guy your next mistake. Keep your eyes open and never accept second class treatment!