He Ignores Me
He acts like he wants me then disappears
I need advice…
I’m dating a military man who’s been the best person I’ve dated since my divorce three years ago. I have three boys and had to divorce due to him being physically abusive to us the last six years of our marriage
The man I’m dating now though seems like he’s afraid of commitment or something… He ignores me a lot. When I back off, he chases me. I’ve met his daughter and he’s met my kids. It’s been three months dating each other. I have told him I would like to see him more than once a week. On his days off, he says he’s busy and doesn’t even answer my calls. Then he will text me the next morning to tell me he loves me.
I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do since I’ve tried telling him how I feel more than once. He just says he’s an introvert. Yet he ignores me on Facebook but doesn’t do it to anyone else. He tells me I’m insecure and that I’m worth it… That he loves only me. I’m just so lost.. What should I do??
Our Relationship Issue Advice for You
Distant guys can make you so crazy!
On one hand, they make you feel like a princess and then the next moment, you turn around and they’re gone like a ghost. How does a girl get a guy to stay present and make you feel like you actually mean something to him?
It’s a difficult question to answer since there are so many factors involved here (as there are in all of our lives). He’s in the military so he’s got this constant obligation to attend to. He’s got a daughter who has her own demands on him. Plus he’s got all the other “life things” to handle on a daily basis. So how does a girl get a distant guy to step up to the plate and show you the love he SAYS he has for you?
The best thing to do when he ignores you
That’s right, DUMP HIM! The old saying of “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone” holds true for just about every human being on this planet. You have a guy who says all of these lovely things, but then vanishes when you are getting used to feeling all that loving goodness. Make no mistake, unless you truly believe he’s stupid, when he ignores you, it’s a deliberate act.
Let me explain. Have you ever been in a relationship that you would push everything in your world aside just to be with the one you love? Dudes have the exact same feelings or capabilities to feel this way too. I don’t doubt that he loves you. He just doesn’t love you enough to put any real effort into it… or he just might be the guy who NEVER puts that much effort into his relationships.
One other option is that he really just doesn’t care that much. He’s giving you the bare minimum just to keep you around so he gets an outlet for sex and feels like he’s normal just because he can say he has a girlfriend.
What’s the best way to find out? DUMP HIM! Hooray!!!
This will help you to determine just which kind of guy he is.
- If he really loves you, he’ll come crawling back and this gives you the perfect opportunity to set some ground rules: “I need communication EVERY DAY” “I need you to at least tell me good night every night” etc. A dude who really loves you will do what you ask because he now realizes how he’s taken you for granted. Make a list of your needs and let him know.
- If he’s just lazy, he’ll make a half-assed attempt to get you back and then return back to ignoring you. Now you’ll know he’s that kind of guy and you can determine if the semi-love he’s giving you is enough or if you want MORE!
- If he doesn’t care, he accepts the break up and moves on. Think of how much pain you’ve just avoided by having this confrontation now instead of five years from now…
You play a part in this too
Think about it. You said you’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship. The first guy who comes along and shows you kindness is like a savior! Now you want more more MORE and he just might not have it in him. Sure, he’s got the kindness part down and might actually have some real feelings inside him, but all the other needs you have just might be too much for him. His solution: he sees you once a week and then he ignores you the rest of the week.
He could just be trying to teach you to not be soooo needy.
Only you know for sure if you are getting a little too wrapped up in this, but it’s always a good idea to look at yourself whenever you’re wondering, “Why is he ignoring me?” He might just be a good guy with some very basic needs that can really only give so much. And seriously, when you come from a place of fun instead of need, a man will make time for you as much as he can.
I would always recommend reading a relationship advice book that empowers you into becoming a woman he could never ignore rather than one that simply blames it all on him.
Want to join in on the conversation or start your own question?
Click here to ask your own question or scroll below to add a comment.