Unanswered Questions
by Anonymous
My relationship of almost four years just ended. We started dating when I was 18. He was my first boyfriend and 1st everything else… Lets just say I started the opposite of most people… with flings and fun until I finally decided I was old enough to be in a relationship.
Long story short, I thought we had a gr8 relationship we talked pretty much about everything and we were very honest with each other
…until i recently found out that i was the only one that had been honest.
I lent him my spare cellphone some time this year and when he got his fixed, he returned mine. My normal cellphone got messed up three weeks ago so i got my spare cellphone and started going through my inbox to see whose numbers were whose as not all were appearing in the contact list. That’s when i got the shock of my life and found all these suggestive text messages to a number I didn’t know. I instantly new he had been cheating…
When he came over, I checked his cellphone and found a name for the foreign number. I confronted him, he denied it and denied it saying he’s not that kind of guy and he would never hurt me like that. They were just friends… They had developed feelings for each other but nothing happened because he came to his senses.
I bought it but I had my doubts so I asked him if I called her would she tell me that? He said there was no point to that, it was immature and childish but yes she would confirm his story.
So I dropped it but couldn’t… The next day, I called the number. The chick said they had been in an open relationship from beginning of this year and didn’t know that he even had a girlfriend. She then later changed her story n said she was his girlfriend and had been dating him for two years. I also found out that my boyfriend and his family had moved out of their previous home end of last year and he hadn’t told me. He just kept saying they were moving but not yet. I live alone in case you were wondering, so we always met there.
I called him to tell him that it was over. He got so defensive and angry. The next morning, he finally admitted he had been cheating and lying. Then he blames me for disclosing personal info about his family to this chick and that I had no right. He said there was nothing more we could do because the damage had been done and he couldn’t forgive me.
It has now been two weeks and he hasn’t called or bothered to apologize about anything. I am mad because he was the one who was dishonest and unfaithful but he changed the tables and blamed it on me instead of taking responsibility for what he did. I did nothing wrong but he’s acting the victim by making me feel guilty for finding out what i did…
So now I am just wondering what our relationship was, if it was real… why he cheated and kept staying with me. Should I call him to get the closure I need to move on? Or do I just let it go? After all that time together, I thought that our relationship deserved a respectable end. I feel like he has gotten away with so much and there is nothing i can do about it.
Our Relationship Advice for You
I don’t know about this…
So he moved a year ago and you didn’t know about it?!!
How did this happen? Because you let it! How could you not know something as fundamental as to where he lives? Sure you always met at your place, but in that entire time (over a year), you never once went over to his place?
When a guy doesn’t include you in on the normal things in his life, then I’m sorry to tell you this, but he thinks of you as a booty call. Do you know any of his friends? Did you guys go out in public to hang out with them? Have you met his family?
All of this is completely normal stuff that happens in normal relationships. If you don’t do any of this, then you are by definition, a booty call.
You might feel you had a lot more, but without being brought into his life in a significant way, everything you shared was based on sex and nothing else.
I’m sorry to tell you all of this, but this is how guys think…
If you want more proof, read this article on Am I a Booty Call?