Should I Fight for My Relationship?
by Zac, 20
(Texas)
I was with this girl for 3 years, will be 4 years on June 23rd. We didn’t have the best relationship at first for many reasons.
When I met her we were in 7th grade and we saw each other at camp and we became friends. Over the years, we talked every now and then and still had that attraction to each other even though we only talked like once every year probably.
In my tenth grade year I finally asked her if she would be my girlfriend. The problem was that in the summer of going into my 11th grade year I was moving to Texas with my family and she was going to stay in Michigan. It was really hard for both of us but we decided that we would make it work. We called and texted all day and night and even though she was 1000 miles away we were faithful to each other. I came up a couple times a year to see her and those times were so special. We went through a whole year of long distance relationship and then my 12th grade year I moved back up to Michigan.
We both went to religious schools and one time we had been intimate and the schools found out and we were both expelled (as crazy as that seems). Her dad is a super religious guy and wanted her to never talk to me again. During that 12th grade year, we snuck around to see each other maybe once every 2 months and she would only talk to me when she could use her cousins phone. Maybe once a month for like 1 hour or so.
During that time we both didn’t move on. I got arrested for being stupid and shoplifting and my parents wanted me to come back home to Texas to live. Then we realized we were in another situation where we would have to be apart so the week before Texas, she would sneak over to my house and we would lay out all night on the lawn and just talk about stuff. I told her I would come back up soon and be with her when I could find an apartment but I had no idea how long that would take.
I went back to Texas and spent the whole summer there and we barely talked again. I then in October moved back to Michigan when I got in a fight with my parents. She and I ran away for a month because her dad wanted her to have nothing to do with me. When we ran out of money and went back home, our parents decided they would give us a chance to be together. And we decided to fight for our relationship.
The whole year went on and we were as happy as could be. Never fought and built a strong relationship with each other’s families again. Then this year came around and that’s when we started to have issues. I went to see my family in Texas for Thanksgiving and she didn’t want me to go.
Now when I lived there originally she hated the girl friends I had out of jealousy. When I went there this last November she got on my facebook and saw that I asked a friend for her number because I lost it. I didn’t even like the girl but my girlfriend acted like i was cheating on her. She then cut herself and tried to commit suicide because she thought I was cheating on her. She got checked into the mental hospital for a week and by the time I was back she was out. Ever since then she would always tell me the music I was listening to was trash, the friends I hung out with were stupid and that the way I dressed was weird but I never thought anything of it because I loved her and would change anything and everything for her.
About a month ago though she told me that she loved me but didn’t like me anymore. She told me that she was hanging out with this guy and that she told him she liked him and he liked her. He told her to not be with me because I didn’t make her happy. She then broke up with me on a Friday and told me Saturday night she was coming out to give me my stuff back. When she got here, she had none of my stuff. She told me that I should find someone who appreciates everything about me and that we aren’t meant to be together. I told her I would be happy in the end if she was going to be happy. She then grabbed on to me and was kissing me and told me she couldn’t do this and she would never leave me. We went out to dinner that night and things seemed fine. She called me before bed and called me pet names.
When I woke up in the morning on Sunday I felt pain. I realized that I should let her be happy if I truly loved her and if I was to go through hell the next couple months then I could handle the pain. We stopped texting at that point or she would text me sometimes randomly to see if I was okay. After a few days of barely talking, the talking stopped. Right away she started posting on her Tumblr about this guy and how he makes her smile. I kicked her off my facebook because I couldn’t bare to see any of it. Lately she hasn’t posted anything about him but she has posted stuff about love and hoping that she can find it again one day. Its been a month now since the break up and it still hurts like hell. I text her today and we started talking. She started crying when I text her and she told me that this has been so hard for her and she hurts and is anxious and doesn’t ever know what day it is anymore.
She used my full name in every text, not just Zac, but Zachary. She told me i should do something great with my life because she wasn’t and she just wants to move away and be alone. She told me to get a tattoo to make me feel better but she knows the only tattoo I wanted was her name on my bicep. She started crying again. I mean we were really serious, like a year or two away from marriage so that’s the only reason I wanted her name on me. If I had known this was coming I would have never thought that. In the end she told me bye and I haven’t heard from her for a couple hours now and won’t probably for a couple weeks. I assume she is with that guy but not over me yet.
I hate the pain I feel in my chest right now and I hope it goes away soon. Should I fight for my relationship? Sorry this is so long but I really have to hear other people’s opinions besides my friends. Though I love them they give the worst advice.
Our Advice to You
This is a difficult time
Yes the breakup is going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to deal with! Yes right now it seems like you’ll never meet anyone like her ever again. The truth is you will!
There are girls out there that will be a lot smarter about their emotions and will respect yours more. Yes, you guys fought for your love which is amazing. So if you’re worried she doesn’t love you anymore or doesn’t think about you anymore, you’re mistaken. Even though there’s another guy, you’re probably always on her mind. Maybe when she realizes that this “love” she has for her new guy is just “lust” she’ll come running back to you and you’ll live happily ever after.
But don’t count on it. You have been in each others lives since you were both very young. In a way, she can’t grow if you are there keeping her “the way you always remembered her.” Don’t wait on her, live your life and meet new people! And there are so many new people out there! Yay!
Good luck