How to Renew Interest?
by KismetKiss
(Rhode Island)
I’ve been dating a man long distance since May. We met while he was in my state, traveling for work. We kept in touch via phone/text/e-mail for 2 months. It got to the point he was texting me every day and we’d have amazing 2 to 3 hour phone conversations. He was sweet and insecure at times, but I had no doubt how interested he was.
He came my way for a month this summer to visit relatives he has in my state. We spent quite a bit of time together and met each others families. I spent a lot of time with his mom and son. We got physical about a week after he got here, not having sex though. I noticed that after that, he seemed distant and detached w/me at times, especially when we were out in public, not much affection…sometimes I felt a bit ignored/invisible.
When he left, he said he wanted to continue things long distance, but he added that he wouldn’t expect me not to date other people. I jokingly said “you’re not living w/someone or in a serious relationship are you?” He said no, not at all…he wouldn’t have me spend so much time w/his family and meet his son if that were the case and he talked about me going to his state to visit him.
After he left to go back home, the daily calls and texts stopped. We still talked once or twice a week. I sent him an e-mail saying I thought we should end things, because I felt like the emotional connection wasn’t there when he came to see me and he seemed distant and detached, unlike when he was texting and talking to me every day before his visit. I told him I wasn’t interested in a friends w/benefits scenario & I wanted something that at least had the potential to go somewhere.
I didn’t hear back from him for a few days and I freaked a bit and sent him another e-mail. This one said that I might have been rushing the emotional connection thing…and we’re still getting to know one another and I know he’s gun-shy from his last marriage (which he’s not completely out of…this is his 3rd marriage). I told him that getting physical so soon after he got here clouded my emotions a bit, but I still wanted to continue things, doing the casual dating thing, dating other people if the opportunity arises and going slow both physically and emotionally. He wrote back saying slow sounded great…he was truly gun-shy after his last relationship & that he struggled a bit w/us getting physical so soon after he got here, wanting to be there, but freaking out at the same time. He said that friends sounds perfect for now, adding that he thought we should put the physical stuff aside for a while, but he still wants to stay in contact and see me as time permits.
We’ve talked a couple of times since then & he’s coming back my way next week to visit his relatives for a day & he said he wants to see me while he’s here. So my question is why did he seemingly lose some interest/freak out after he got here? Was it because I got physical w/him too quickly or he sensed that I wanted more? And what’s w/the friends sounds perfect for now and putting the physical stuff aside for a while?
Has he completely lost romantic interest and he only sees me as a platonic friend? I’ve been backing off a bit and he seems to be coming around, but I don’t want to waste my time if he thinks of me only in a platonic way. Is it too late to salvage things? What should I do to keep/renew his interest?? Thanks so much!