He Doesn’t Show His Feelings
by Michelle
(North Bergen)
How can I get my boyfriend of 4 years to care about me as much as I care about him? When I say ‘care’ I guess I mean in terms of attention. He doesn’t show his feelings. Why is it that he treats special occasions like they aren’t a big deal? Like birthdays… For his birthday, I do everything possible to make him feel special. But he doesn’t do the same for me. The most he says is ‘Happy birthday’ and ‘You look nice.’
His lack of attention really brings me down at a lot of points, but when I talk to him about it he says that I’m ‘paranoid’ and ‘make a big deal about little things.’ Perhaps I am, but I feel like he doesn’t care about the little things that matter to me.
I recognize that I do have my flaws of being clingy and emotional. I’ve apologized for those things directly, but even then he doesn’t reassure me that things are okay. He doesn’t show his feelings.
But besides that, I love him to death, please don’t think of him as some unemotional jerk. Well.. to be frank, yes to the unemotional but he not a jerk. He’s a sweetie pie. Kinda, Without being really um ‘sweet’?
And I know he loves me too. Questioning our feelings for each other doesn’t come to mind. But when these episodes happen, he leaves me feeling so insecure and sad. And he doesn’t show me the tad bit of attention..
I do serve his every whim. So how do I play hard to get? To make him take interest in me, more then now.
He’s the shy type. He’s very sweet, and caring, and an outstanding individual. But is very uncomfortable with PDA, which I don’t push. But I wish he could at least do SOMETHING when he sees that I’m upset. Or at least in private, more often kiss me.
Help me be coy. D:
Our Dating Advice to You
It all sounds pretty isolating
So you’ve been together for 4 years? How do you make it work – by denying your own needs? I’ve been there and done just that.
If he doesn’t show his feelings, then what does he show? Does he not like B-days? If so, he needs to clarify his lack of interest to you. Does he realize that he is in a R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N ship? That means there should be a lot more ‘relating’ going on.
That starts with open communication about what is really going on. Why is he so shy? Perhaps he has low self-esteem, and is so self-absorbed that he doesn’t know how to consider your feelings and give you the attention you need.
Let him read your post and see what he has to say to that. Let that determine where his heart truly lies. If he really thinks you are paranoid he needs to put forth effort to quell your fears.
Stop serving his every whim and if he notices tell him HE’s paranoid and see how he responds. Why is he uncomfortable with PDA? Did you ever ask him? Perhaps he has some serious issues from his past that he has not dealt with yet.
Maybe he’s not into you. Are you really that into him? Consider the pros and cons. Give him an ultimatum. Forget the ‘shy’ act, it’s definitely NOT working for you. Tell him that talking and showing affection are necessary elements of a successful union. Basically tell him what you need from him and ask him if he is capable of giving it.
If he is not, well then, there you go!