Caught With His Pants Down!
Where do I begin? I met “P” and it was a rollercoaster ride of exciting adventures. He has only just split up with his ex and told me that he had not wanted her to leave. She had moved out.
The early months were slow. He was flaky. He was unavailable at times. But he always came back to me. I made it clear I wanted to go steady. (At 43, with 2 children, I know what I want.) Companionship is very important to me. He was not sure and I called it a day.
He came after me! We had some lovely and very romantic times, but then he went AWOL. He disappeared for a few days. No contact. My mind was working overtime. He came back and I took him back. FOOL I WAS!!
Unfortunately. this was the beginning. One Thursday evening he disappeared again. Did not come home in the night and I knew that something was really really wrong. Call it my female intuition.
Call it paranoia.
I felt bad. I wanted to end it, but was struggling with it.. A week later, I had a stroke. Brought on – in part – I have no doubt by the stress of this relationship. I was vulnerable and needy and was off work for 4 months.
He was there for me. Or so I thought. I was still not sure, but something felt wrong. I took an opportunity to read his text messages. And what I found was scary. Lots and lots of text messages from his ex. And from him to his ex… all sorts. I kept it to myself. Next time I was at his house, I read some emails. It was all there. The Thursday he was away he had had sex with her, they were still in almost daily contact.
We tried to make it work. I requested that he broke off all contact with his ex. He vaguely promised. It was not true. I have just discovered that they had been in touch again, that he was suggesting to her that he would take her to a hotel for a pre christmas treat.
Absolutely sick to the core, I have now decided to treat myself with the respect I deserve. How can someone be so callous and selfish?! If he had told me he still had feelings for his ex. If he had been honest, I think it would have been different. We were even going to relate and a week before I discovered the extent of the contact, I said: “It feels like your ex is always with us, like there are three people in this relationship, and that whatever I do, I can never be good enough, can never be secure.”
The counselor and my ex tried to convince me that that was MY ISSUE… I now realize that my intuition was talking to me!! And I should have listened and not ignored it!! Glad and relieved now that I got out before me and my children moved in with him!
Our Cheating Advice to You
You’ve got a Cheater…
It sounds like he really has no interest in keeping you around at all. It also sounds that you are pretty lucky to find this stuff out now before you guys go any further.
There is a great article on Why Men Cheat that you should look at. It might help.