After He Cheated
(Menifee, CA, USA)
Eight years ago we fell in love, I broke us up a few times, but he always came back to me. I ignored the signs that something was wrong and just accepted the distance between us.
Turns out he was cheating for 3 years off and on with the HR director who is 8 years his senior, from his place of work (where we met). I found out after I moved in with him and now I do not want to marry him because I do not like him for what he did. Frankly it repulses me.
Although he has said sorry, I am still too perplexed as he says the only reason he was with another woman is because she wanted him and was more passionate during their sexual encounters, which by the way, were only made possible by his use of Viagra.
I cannot believe that he says he continued to love me throughout and he explains that he was “soulless” all the while fooling me into believing that the only reason he was unavailable to me was because of familly and work related obligations. He hasn’t seen the other woman for almost a year now, but I don’t feel a real connection with him anymore and I’m praying for direction in this dilemma.
Our Relationship Advice to You
Marriage Changes Nothing
Oh Tina, I know it seems like things are getting better but let’s examine these new developments.
He’s jobless and my guess is that you’re supporting him. He needs you now more than ever? Why? Because he’s living off of you!
You said in your first post that he was drawn to this other woman because of how sexual she was. Believe me, that’s a craving that men all live with. When they feel needed that way, everything is perfect in their relationships. When they don’t, it’s all they think about.
Most people don’t actively decide to cheat. It’s an opportunity that falls into their lap, and based on their moral compass, they either say no or they go for it.
Your guy has shown that he can be tempted…
How can you keep him only about you? He told you exactly what he got from this other relationship. Is this something you can give to him? If not, then he is doomed to stray again.
He wants to feel desired. He has problems with erections and on some level, he blames it on you. Somewhere in his mind, he writes it off as not feeling attraction to you any more.
I know it seems trite that I’m saying that all your problems can be solved through sex, but you’re one of the few people who’s actually been told a pretty honest reason why he cheated. This is your blueprint as to how to save this relationship.
Right now, you have to put this man on a quest. He has to do something to win you back (especially if you’re actually serious about getting married)! Check out the book Rousing the Lion and make him excited to win you back again.