Where to start when you’re a woman looking for a man
How to find a guy
By Tiffany S.
“I’m a woman looking for a man but I have no idea where to start. I just recently got out of a 20 year marriage and you can pretty much guaranty that I have no idea where to start when it comes to dating. Before I was married, I had just one other relationship and that was my high school sweetheart. We broke up soon after I went away to college and I met “Jack” only a couple short weeks later.
After 20 years, we finally and amicably decided to call it quits. I just moved into my own apartment 3 months ago. I’m a free woman! But after years of fantasizing about being single in the big city, sadly, I haven’t met a single guy who holds my interest. I’m starting to realize I’ve never had to “date” anyone. Both my relationships just fell in my lap and happened quickly.
So here I am, a not-so-bad-looking single woman looking for a man but I’m kind of paralyzed. I don’t know if I can handle rejection or what to do if the guy turns out to be a nutjob. I’m not sure where to even go to find a decent man to get to know.
I know it sounds crazy, but do you have some step-by-step advice on how to meet guys?”
It all starts with you
Of course it’s not crazy. So many people in their 30’s and beyond are facing the dating scene for the first time in many long years. It can be scary especially considering how long you’ve been out of the “scene.” I think you’ll be happy to discover that, for the most part, dating and meeting men is pretty much exactly how you remember it. However, in some ways it’s gotten way easier. For starters, there’s internet dating that probably didn’t exist when you were briefly on the scene in college. Even if it did, it’s not just for nerds and weirdos anymore. In fact, I would say that most people find love this way nowadays.
Not only that, you are older. This is not a death sentence that many people think it is. As you’ve aged throughout the years, so has everybody else! Right now, there are millions of dudes across the country who are looking for a woman exactly your current age. And with age comes wisdom (for most of us). If not wisdom, then you can call it… calmness. The things that used to get you all twitterpated when you are young barely raises one of your eyebrows these days. It makes dating so much easier because we’ve all been there, done that and are now looking for something real and meaningful.
So the first step in finding a guy is to take a deep breath and realize that things aren’t as big a deal as you think they are. EVERYONE dating over 30 gets this on some level or another. You might look at the lines you have earned on your face and have all kinds of cruel things to say about their unlovableness. Or you can look at your body that’s not as perky and fabulous as it used to be and condemn yourself thinking no one would want to see that. The truth is everyone has aged too and they’re not going to see your age. They’re going to want to get to know your personality. And look at it this way. Any guy who looks at your outsides and isn’t interested has essentially filtered himself out of your life. Bye bye, loser! And come on, do you really want to date someone who doesn’t love all of you? Don’t waste your time.
Put up an online dating profile
This step is pretty much mandatory. As I said, online dating is the quickest and easiest way for a woman looking for a man to do just that. So much so, that you might need to quit your job just to have enough time for all of your dates. Please don’t quit your job…
The most important thing you need to know is DON’T HALF-ASS this step. So many women put up bland, uninspired internet dating profiles and they complain about their awful results. Just know that your boring profile that sounds like everyone else out there is only ever going to attract a very boring and common man.
Put some effort into describing yourself. Talk about the things that you love. Talk about the things that move you. Talk about your dreams and life lessons you’ve learned throughout your life. Write something irresistible and you will find an irresistible man.
Get out of your house
The one place the dudes aren’t is in your house. You are a free woman! Think of all the things you wished you could do when you were married but your husband was to boring or scared of change to do with you.
Get out and do them!
Great places to meet men are anywhere people are doing something interesting and active. Take some classes. Go back to school. Join a scuba group. Learn a new language. Go skydiving! You don’t have to actually risk your life, but think about something that fascinates you and go out and explore it. While you’re there learning, talk to all the guys there, even the ones you don’t find attractive. Why? Everyone has friends. And being introduced by a mutual acquaintance is one of the most powerful introductions.
Make it a point to get active and you significantly increase your chances of meeting your next new romance.
Don’t take things too seriously!
You read earlier about how much more laid back dating is after 30. By then, a good percentage of people have been in and out of long term relationships. Some have even had their hearts broken a few times. It makes them so much more peaceful in the dating pool because they realize nothing means anything until it does. What this means is that we understand that people have lives to live, jobs to go to and family to attend to. Nothing needs to happen right away or it’s the end of the world. There is no real meaning if he doesn’t call you for a couple days. It’s no big deal if it takes a few tries to finally meet up. People have busy lives.
Even sex has much less significance to it. Sure, it could be the best sex you ever had, but this doesn’t need you need to get married a week later. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Think about all the things you think you could never do and reexamine these judgements. Could it be that you might actually enjoy some of the things that you just “can’t do?” Could it be that you are actually a lot more progressive than you give yourself credit for?
You’ve been given an amazing opportunity to reinvent yourself in to someone you’ve always wanted to be. Dynamic men want dynamic women! You want to bag yourself an iconoclast? You need to embrace your inner iconoclast yourself!
Above all, have FUN! You can read all over the internet about crappy first dates or unbelievable internet dating horror stories, but instead of seeing a date like “this as a disaster,” you can marvel at the awesome story you just lived through. Your friends are going to be rolling when they hear this story. In fact, we will to. Go out on a ton of dates even with the guy who you’re not completely in to (but definitely not with any guys who creep you out). You might discover an amazing person who just doesn’t know how to flirt very well over email or text. Have fun and you’ll discover fun men.
It’s important to realize you’re not just a woman looking for a man, you’re an amazing, vivacious, fascinating love-butterfly looking for an incredible, unfathomable love affair with an emotionally mature man who worships you. Got it? Ready… GO!